What Might Have Been
by CharmedBec
Summary: After her and Danny's difficult break-up, Lindsay Monroe is transferred to the Miami Crime Lab. Two years later and the past comes knocking on her door... AU as of 'Right Next Door.'
1. A BLast from the Past

**WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN**

**Disclaimer: **The characters in CSI: New York and CSI: Miami do not belong to me. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.

**Summary: **After her and Danny's difficult break-up, Lindsay Monroe is transferred to the Miami Crime Lab. Two years later and the past comes knocking on her door…

**Notes: **Hi! This is sort of a CSI: New York/Miami crossover. While it's predominantly set in Miami, it's mainly centred on the New York characters. It's a Danny/Lindsay story, but due to the plotline, there's some Lindsay/other too. Please make sure you heed the rating because there's some adult talk and situations in this.

I started writing this story a while back but then abandoned it because I couldn't quite figure out where to take it. However, in light of recent Season 4 events, I've picked it up again and changed a few elements of the plot around to make it fit more with the canon of the show – the reason for Danny and Lindsay's break-up was slightly different in the original version of the story for instance, although it did centre around some of the earlier Season 4 spoilers.

All you need to know before you start reading this is that after she split up with Danny, Lindsay applied for a transfer and got posted to the Miami Crime Lab. She's been there for two years now, but the past is about to come a-knocking…

**OOOOOO**

**Part 1 –**** A Blast from the Past**

_**Miami**__**, some time during 2010…**_

It was hot outside. Stiflingly so. The sultry breeze that wafted in from the ocean did little to relieve the uncomfortable stickiness in the air. It had taken Lindsay Monroe only a few moments to decide that her dinner party would be better held indoors. Inside her apartment the cool blast from the air-conditioner would mean that her guests would avoid the inevitable dose of heat exhaustion that eating outside would almost certainly inflict.

So far the evening had gone as planned. The atmosphere was relaxed and her colleagues along with their respective partners all seemed to be having a great time. They were currently seated around her large, oval dining table, chatting easily amongst themselves while she retrieved a homemade cherry cheesecake from the refrigerator and cut it into generous slices.

The living area of her ground floor Miami apartment was a modern, open-plan affair – the large breakfast bar she was standing behind was the only thing separating the well-equipped kitchen from the rest of the marble-floored living space. The chrome and glass dining table was positioned in front of the French windows to take full advantage of the view, while the plush cream leather sofa and armchairs in the lounge area added to the fresh, clean feel of the place. She'd never imagined she'd be living in an apartment like this – a naïve country girl from Montana - but Miami was all about style and when in Rome...

"Hey gorgeous! Need any help with that?"

She smiled as Steven Logan, her boyfriend of ten months, slid his arms around her waist from behind and nuzzled affectionately at her neck. Tilting her head back, she allowed his lips to settle over hers in a sweet, gentle kiss before she reluctantly pulled away. "You could take the plates," she said, indicating the neat stake of china on the counter with a wave of her hand.

"At your service, madam," he intoned, bowing grandiosely and making her laugh. Scooping up the plates like a silver service waiter, he headed back to the table, his stride long and leisurely as he balanced the tower of white plates on the tips of his fingers.

She stood for a moment, smiling at the picture he presented. Tall, good-looking and broad-shouldered, he carried himself with the easy confidence of a man who knew success. And successful he certainly was – he owned a string of popular Miami night-clubs and was rumoured to be a millionaire several times over. He had acquired his business portfolio through a combination of hard work and sheer determination, building up his empire from a small bank loan that his parents had stood guarantor for.

His wealth never really entered much into their conversations however, for he was surprisingly down to earth for someone with so much disposable income at their fingertips. She still couldn't quite believe he had chosen her when he had so many beautiful women falling at his feet desperate for even the smallest sliver of his attention.

They had met just under a year ago when she and Calleigh had been looking into the murder of a young woman who had spent her last hours dancing the night away at one of his clubs. Steven - who been in LA on business at the time - cooperated fully with their investigation and hadn't thrown any legal obstacles in their way as so many other Miami moguls were prone to do. His only concern appeared to be for the fate of the unfortunate young girl and Lindsay remembered admiring his civic mindedness.

He'd called her a couple of weeks later and asked her out to dinner. To say she was surprised by the invitation was the understatement of the year. She'd been reluctant at first, the slightly dubious ethics of the matter of particular concern to her. Calleigh had persuaded her that there was nothing to worry about however. Steven hadn't been implicated in any crime. He was simply an innocent bystander who had aided their investigation. Therefore, if she wanted to date him then that was her business. Lindsay's relationship with him had developed from there and she was still a little stunned by the unexpectedness of it all.

"You know, Lindsay?" Ryan Wolfe declared fifteen minutes later as he lowered his spoon to his empty plate. "If you hadn't decided to become a CSI, you could have opened your own restaurant. I think I just died and went to heaven." He smiled beatifically at her, the look in his eyes calculated and teasing.

Lindsay made a face at him. "And I think you're full of…"

"Now, now, children. Enough of that," Calleigh quickly cut in and Lindsay laughed while her partner in crime rolled his eyes at the older detective's motherly tone.

She and Ryan got on well – kind of like brother and sister, bickering one minute, fiercely protective of each other the next. Calleigh was their unofficial guardian, refereeing their squabbles when the occasion demanded it. Lindsay didn't think she could have gotten through her first few months in Miami without Ryan. She'd still been reeling from all that had happened in New York, and having to adjust to a new working environment on top of all of that had been particularly difficult for her.

They both had their idiosyncrasies but something had clicked between them from the start. He'd been her friend when she needed one, and had somehow managed to make her laugh even when her mood was as black as midnight. Two years ago, he'd been the breath of fresh air that she so desperately needed and she hoped he knew how grateful she was to him for that. He'd helped her through a dark time and their friendship was especially important to her as a result.

The rest of the evening passed without incident and before too long Lindsay found herself bidding farewell to the last of her guests. "Well, I guess that went okay," she remarked to Steven as she removed her shoes and wiggled her bare toes to relieve the ache that wearing them had caused.

"An unqualified success if ever there was one," he agreed with a smile.

Hooking his arm around her waist, he tugged her up close, "But the night isn't over yet," he murmured as he lowered his mouth to hers, his lips purposeful and determined. Winding her arms around his neck, Lindsay closed her eyes and allowed herself to be swept away by his passion…

Several hours later and unable to sleep, she slipped quietly from the bed and pulled on a pale blue satin robe. Securing it firmly around her naked form, she wandered barefoot out of the bedroom, through the living area and then outside into the night air. The temperature had dropped significantly, but it was still warm and humid. She settled herself on a sun-lounger beside the pool, tipped back her head and looked up at the stars. Her rollercoaster of a life was on an even keel at long last, so why did she feel more unsettled than ever?

The answer lay hidden at the back of her underwear drawer but she tried not to think about it. It made her head hurt, She'd worked so hard to get this far. She was happy, content with her life and who she'd become. And yet she couldn't stop thinking of all she'd left behind. The letter had arrived out of the blue a month ago. The New York postmark hadn't fazed her – she still kept in touch with the majority of her former work colleagues – the distinctive handwriting had been an entirely different matter however.

Danny – she hadn't seen or spoken to him in over two years. She still remembered their parting with painful clarity. He'd barely even acknowledged her presence in the room. It was as if she no longer existed to him and that hurt more than she ever thought possible. She'd fallen in love with a man who didn't want her in return and she'd thought her heart would never recover from the near fatal injury inflicted upon it.

It had been two weeks before she'd worked up the courage to open the envelope. Even then, the three sheets of crisp, white paper felt like a ticking time bomb in her hands as she unfurled and smoothed them flat. The letter was handwritten rather than typed. She wasn't sure what she expected it to say, but what it did had thrown her into emotional turmoil. She'd shut down, unable to deal with it. The past should remain exactly that, she decided. Danny had no right to stir things up again. No right whatsoever.

And therein lay the problem, because he hadn't asked anything from her. The words he'd written were simple and honest – in places breathtakingly so. The letter was meant as closure - for both of them. He didn't want to interfere in her life. He just wanted her to know the whole truth. That way they could both move on and be happy.

Lindsay closed her eyes with a sigh. She was happy – incredibly so. Being with Steven was like living a long-held dream. She recalled his sleepy words tonight just before he'd dozed off. "That was perfect," he'd declared of their lovemaking.

And it _was_ perfect. He treated her with respect, understood how important her career was to her and never complained about the long hours that she had to work. He wined and dined her, and made love to her as if her body was a musical instrument and he was a virtuoso performer. They rarely argued either, their contrasting natures slotting together so easily that angry words weren't necessary. Any problems were discussed and dealt with before it got to that point.

And if she sometimes wished for a little disharmony in their relationship? That was just her own neurosis, wasn't it? Love was meant to be like this – free and easy, rewarding without too much expended effort. Rising to her feet, she forcibly shook off her inner disquiet and returned to the security of her boyfriend's loving arms. This was where she was meant to be.

She closed her eyes and finally slept.

**OOOOOO**

_**Two days later…**_

As the pilot announced their imminent descent, Detective Mac Taylor glanced over at his unusually quiet companion and frowned. "Are you sure you can handle this?" he enquired in his calm, measured voice.

Danny Messer turned from his contemplation of the miniature world below and regarded his boss with an unreadable expression in his blue eyes. "Ask me again in a couple of days," he replied with a wry twist of his lips.

"Danny…"

"I'm fine, Mac. Stop obsessing, will ya? You're making me nervous."

Danny's tone was more than a little snappy so Mac wisely held his tongue.

"Does Lindsay know?" the younger of the two men asked after a few beats of rather tense silence.

"I asked Horatio to apprise her of the situation before we arrived."

Danny sighed. "She never replied, you know."

"Did you think she would?" Mac – who knew about the letter he'd sent - asked.

Danny shrugged. "I don't know." He paused. "I don't expect anything. I just… I hoped for some kind of acknowledgement, I guess. I can't blame her for not giving it. What happened was my fault, after all."

"Not entirely," Mac responded soothingly.

"Lindsay wasn't to blame in any way," Danny felt the need to point out. His boss's unflinching solidarity didn't sit right with his guilty conscience.

"No," Mac agreed, "But there were extenuating circumstances."

Danny inclined his head in acknowledgment of that fact. It had taken a long time, but he'd learned not to shoulder the entirety of the blame – for Ruben's death, for the effect that it had had on his state of mind and the consequence of that on his relationships with those closest to him. He looked down at his hands. "It doesn't change anything though, does it?"

Mac had no answer to that because it was the truth. For the tenth time that day, he questioned the wisdom of bringing Danny along on this consult. The case demanded it however and maybe just maybe, it would all turn out for the best…

**OOOOOO**

"Hey Linds!" Eric Delko greeted his colleague as she arrived for her shift – an hour late by his estimation. "Steven kept you awake last night, did he?" he teased.

"I wish," Lindsay replied with a grimace. "My car had an almighty temper tantrum this morning."

"Too bad," Eric commiserated. "H' wanted to see you as soon as you arrived so you should probably go and find him ASAP."

'Great!' Lindsay thought as she sought out the red-haired Lieutenant. Not only was she monumentally late for her shift, she'd been caught red-handed by her boss in the process. Could her day get any worse?

As it turned out, Horatio was remarkably blasé about her lateness. He had other more pressing things on his mind. "Sit down, Lindsay," he instructed, waving his hand at the chair on the opposite side of his desk.

Lindsay obediently sat and waited. Horatio took a moment to compose himself and then spoke in his usual laconic manner. "We've had a breakthrough on the Lalbetti case," he informed her.

Lindsay sat up a little straighter, her interest peeked. The brutal double-murder of a newly-wed socialite couple had been a series of cross-wires and false leads so far. It had been de-prioritised several weeks ago because they'd been getting nowhere fast with it. "Oh?"

"You know the initiative to cross-verify any cold cases with other Crime Labs?"

Lindsay nodded. It was ambitious plan. With a country the size of the US, you were talking about a veritable mountain of information to sift through. It was like searching for the proverbial needle in a haystack.

"We scored a hit with New York," Horatio went on.

Something inside Lindsay froze.

"A case ten months ago. Exactly the same MO. If they're not related then it's one hell of a coincidence. The New York Crime Lab had more evidence to go on than us, but the trail still went cold about six months ago. I spoke to Mac Taylor. We're going to pool our evidence and see if we can come up with some fresh angles. He and the lead CSI on the case are flying into Miami today to consult. Mac requested that you were made aware of the situation before they arrived."

Lindsay didn't need to ask why. "It's Danny, isn't it?" she said. "The lead CSI you mentioned?"

Horatio nodded. "Danny Messer, yes. I understand that you two have some sort of personal history?"

Lindsay bit her bottom lip. "You could say that," she ventured a little shakily.

"I understand if you want to be transferred to another case."

Lindsay shook her head. "No," she said. "No," she repeated more firmly. "I can handle it."

"Good," Horatio replied. "You worked up the evidence. Someone else's input might not be so thorough, and precision is what we need if we're going to crack this case. Mac's going to run with it so you'll temporarily be under his command. Is that going to be a problem?"

Lindsay smiled in spite of herself. Her respect for her former boss was unwavering. She knew he was personally responsible for the position she now held. She could have been reassigned to anywhere given the undue haste of her transfer request, but he had pulled some strings and got her this plum job in Miami. "No, it's not a problem," she assured him.

Horatio returned her smile. "I didn't think so."

"When will they be here?"

Horatio checked his watch. "The flight from New York gets in at 11.00am, so I would say in the next forty-five minutes."

Lindsay drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. It didn't really have much of a calming effect, but it was the best she could manage under the circumstances. Forty-five minutes later and her nerves were stretched tighter than an acrobat's high wire. She just wanted it over with, the waiting was torture. Finally they arrived and she watched from the Trace Lab as Horatio greeted the two Big Apple CSIs in the Reception area.

"You okay?" Ryan touched the small of her back in quiet sympathy.

She looked up into his openly concerned face. She hadn't told them much, but her fellow CSIs knew the general gist of why she'd left New York in such a hurry. Steven knew significantly more specifics. Confiding in him had been extremely difficult for her, but she'd wanted him to understand the reason she was so wary of a relationship with him. It had therefore been necessary to fill him in on some of the more painful details.

She shot Ryan a tight smile. "I'll survive," she assured him as she turned her attention back to her former colleagues.

She watched as Mac handed Danny his flight-bag and then followed Horatio into one of the interrogation rooms. The younger CSI headed off in the general direction of the locker-room. Galvanised into belated action, Lindsay hurried after him. It was a reunion she dreaded, but she preferred for it to happen away from the watchful and gossiping eyes of the rest of the Miami Crime Lab employees all the same.

"Hey!" she said quietly from the doorway of the locker-room as Danny stashed his and Mac's belongings in one of the lockers.

Danny startled like a frightened rabbit at the sound of her voice, dropping one of the bags on his foot in the process. He cursed rather violently and then seemed to recover himself. With obvious effort, he lifted his gaze to her face. "Hey Montana!"

An avalanche of memories immediately crashed over Lindsay. His voice was still rich with that unmistakable New York twang and the vibrant affection evident in the utterance of his nickname for her threw her into total confusion. "Danny, I…" she stammered.

"I'm sorry."

If she hadn't believed the words when he'd written them on the page, she believed them now. The sincerity in that simple apology was unequivocal. He shrugged. "I don't know what else to say. You got my letter?"

Lindsay nodded and moved forward a few steps. "You don't…" She broke off and tried again. "I understand, I do, but I can't just forget everything that happened, Danny. It's not that simple."

"I know and I don't expect you to. I don't wanna make things difficult for you, I swear. I just wanted you to know that's all. I guess that's selfish of me, but it's… I need…"

He broke off and swore again. Lindsay smiled a rather wane smile before deciding to put him out of his misery. Was there any point in making him suffer for his - albeit unconscionable - mistake any longer? From what he'd told her in his letter, he'd suffered more than enough for it already. It had been two years. Sometimes you just had to let things go and move on.

"We've got to work together so apology accepted," she said, holding out her hand and offering him an olive branch.

His fingers closed around hers, warm and gentle, but also roughly callused from his baseball playing days. It was a touch she remembered and it contrasted so vividly with Steven's that she got quite a shock. Like most Miami men, her boyfriend was solicitous of his appearance and that meant manicured hands and moisturised skin.

They stood there, their fingers loosely entwined, for what seemed like hours but was probably less than thirty seconds in reality. His eyes intent on hers, Danny rubbed his thumb back and forth over her knuckles a couple of times before he finally released her hand.

"You've changed your perfume," he remarked casually as he stepped back.

Lindsay started to laugh. She didn't even know what was funny. The whole situation just seemed so ridiculous somehow and his comment even more so. Her laughter served to break the tension however and she watched as Danny's lips curved into a slow, reluctant smile in response.

"We should…" She jabbed her thumb over her shoulder.

Danny nodded. "…Get to work, yeah."

He waved her ahead of him and allowed her to lead him to where they needed to go.

"Lindsay!"

Mac broke off his conversation with Horatio and greeted her with obvious pleasure as the two of them entered the interrogation room.

"Hey Mac!" She stepped forward and hugged him lightly. "Long time, no see, huh?"

"Too long," he replied, smiling warmly at her. His questioning gaze slid from her face to settle on Danny, who stood off to one side. Something silent and unspoken passed between the two men before Mac nodded once in quiet satisfaction. "Okay, let's get to work."

By late afternoon, Lindsay's brain was spinning. She'd forgotten the relentless pace of the New York Crime Lab. Here in Miami, they worked hard, but it was all much more laidback. There was something to be said for the term 'the city that never sleeps' she decided. She felt exhilarated though. Mac had always challenged her to better herself and today was no exception.

She was also rather surprised by the change in Danny. She'd learned during the course of the day that he had finally been promoted to second-grade CSI and she could see why. He still had that devil-may-care attitude and wry sense of humour, but he was much more disciplined in his approach to the work these days.

"I'll check it out with Flack," he said to Mac and then stepped out into the corridor to call his friend.

Horatio sat back in his chair. "I can see why you hired him," he remarked to Mac.

The New York CSI nodded. "He has his moments, but he's worth the effort. I've been thinking about putting him on the first-grade promotion grid, but there are those who think that's a little premature."

"He's been second grade for how long now?"

"A year – but that was well overdue. He – uhh – he had a few personal setbacks that interfered with the process."

Horatio nodded. "Well, this is a good test," he said and then broke off when his cell phone beeped. He flipped it open. "Horatio Caine?"

He listened for a moment to the voice on the other end of the line. "Yes, I'll be right there."

He stood as he shut off his cell. "I've got to go. You can handle this?"

He looked over at Lindsay who nodded her assent. "Sure – I got it, H."

"Okay. I'll speak to you later then. Mac? Good to work with you again."

He held out his hand and his New York counterpart shook it. "You too," Mac replied with a curt nod.

Silence descended after Horatio had left. Lindsay's gaze settled on Danny outside in the corridor and the urge to know was suddenly too strong to ignore. "He… he is okay?" she asked her former boss before she could stop herself.

Mac nodded. "He's doing fine."

Lindsay returned her gaze to Mac's face. "Why didn't you tell me?" she asked, a hint of accusation in her tone.

Mac sighed. "Danny didn't want us to and – at the time – betraying his trust wasn't something I could contemplate. Plus, I wasn't even sure that you'd want to know under the circumstances."

Lindsay nodded, not liking it but understanding nonetheless. "It might have made a difference."

"I think it was something he needed to face on his own, Lindsay," Mac replied carefully.

"Some things are just not meant to be, huh?" she said somewhat sadly. After two years, she was no longer angry, simply resigned to it all.

"Sometimes the timing is just bad, I guess."

Lindsay laughed rather ruefully. "I think that's Danny and me all over," she remarked with a slight shrug of her shoulders.

Mac nodded. "I suppose it must seem that way," he replied. He paused for a moment and then asked the inevitable question. "What about now?"

Lindsay sighed. "I have a boyfriend, Mac."

"So I learned from Stella."

"He's a nice guy. He… he makes me happy. I trust him and I need that."

Her former boss nodded in quiet understanding.

Lindsay sighed again. "You don't think that… I mean, Danny doesn't think that…?" she started.

"I don't think he's under any illusions about the two of you if that's what you're asking," Mac cut in when she was unable to articulate her question.

She wasn't really, but what she was asking probably wasn't the wisest thing for her to know. It would only cause trouble and she'd fought hard to get her life back on track in the two years since she'd left New York. She just needed to keep things civil with Danny and as friendly as circumstances between them allowed. It would only be for a few days after all. She could manage to negotiate the stormy waters for that long without falling victim to any unexpected waves…

Couldn't she?

_**To be continued…**_

**_A/N2: _**I'm still playing DVD catch up with the last couple of seasons of CSI: Miami btw so you'll have to forgive any inaccuracies in that respect. And yes, I'm being deliberately vague about Danny. Till next time then...


	2. Confrontations

**WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN**

**Disclaimer: **The characters in CSI: New York and CSI: Miami do not belong to me. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.

**Summary: **After her and Danny's difficult break-up, Lindsay Monroe is transferred to the Miami Crime Lab. Two years later and the past comes knocking on her door. AU as of 'Right Next Door'.

**Notes: **Hi! A new instalment for you. I know this is a long time coming and a lot lot later then I indicated in some of my review replies ages ago . Unfortunately, real life got in the way for a while and I haven't had much time to write or post.

This story is turning out to be quite difficult to get right as well because, while I don't condone cheating, I am trying to be sympathetic to both Danny and Lindsay's characters. The two year gap helps with that, I think, but it's a fine line to walk all the same. I hope I'm managing it ok. There are more Author Notes at the end but they're kind of spoilery for this chapter so don't read them unless you've read it first.

**OOOOOO**

_**Part 2 – Confrontations**_

_**Dawn; three days later…**_

Danny lay on his back in his hotel room bed, gazing up at the ceiling as his mind mulled over the events of the previous few days. He'd told Mac he could handle it and he was...

Just.

It didn't help that the more time he spent in Lindsay's presence, the more acutely he missed her. Two years apart and she still had a way of getting under his skin like no-one else could. Everything was all very polite and civilised between them and it was driving him crazy. The cool efficiency with which she approached their situation was like a knife that kept continually twisting inside of him. He wanted her anger, her hurt, her pain - anything but this.

Every so often, she forgot herself and flashes of the woman he used to know came through. Her attention would be distracted and she'd be lured into bantering with him before she realised what she was doing. These transient moments of personal reconnection never lasted very long however. The strictly professional demeanour she'd adopted around him would reassert itself the minute she became aware of the involuntary shift in her attitude towards him, and then they'd be back to the status quo before he had the time to blink.

He hated it. He wanted to yell with the frustration of it all, but he couldn't. He was responsible. He'd brought this on himself so he had to accept the consequences now, however much he might want to wish them away. If this was the way she wanted to handle things then he had no right to run roughshod over that. She had a new life. She was happy. The fact that he was miserable was irrelevant.

Rising from the bed, he wandered into the bathroom and showered and dressed on auto-pilot. The case was difficult and frustrating, but they were finally making some headway with it. Mac was planning to fly back to New York in a few days time, but he had instructed Danny to remain here in Miami until the job was done.

"You need to see this through," he'd declared the previous evening and Danny had known that he'd been talking about more than just the case. "It'll be good experience for you."

It was an experience that Danny would sooner avoid. Back home in New York, it was easier to forget the past. He'd been driven to write the letter to Lindsay because he wanted to explain, to apologise for his actions. He needed to purge himself of the guilt he felt, but in doing so he hadn't wanted to mess up her life more than he already had. He had a feeling that if he remained here in Miami for too much longer, he could end up doing just that. He wasn't a patient man. At some point he was going to push things beyond what was acceptable. And then there'd be more guilt, more heartache to contend with. It was a no-win situation as far as he was concerned.

Watching the turmoil on his fellow CSI's face as they drove to the Lab an hour or so later, Mac Taylor wasn't so pessimistic about the outcome. Lindsay had surrounded herself with a wall of professionalism that was as transparent as glass. If she was as happy as she claimed, the emotional protection wouldn't have been necessary. She knew the truth now, knew that Danny's indifference to her hadn't been all that it had seemed, that his problems had been so much more profound than any of them had realised. Maybe it would all end in tears, but it could also put paid to all the 'what ifs?' that still lay between them.

In his opinion, they needed to either let go or move forward. Right now, they were doing neither, and, as a result, were locked in a stasis that paralysed them both into inactivity. He'd learned, via some surreptitious questioning, that Lindsay's boyfriend wanted her to move in with him, but that she was resisting taking that next step. As for Danny, he hadn't dated anyone seriously since Lindsay had left. He'd made a few half-hearted attempts at getting his personal life back on track in recent months, but always seemed to find his companions wanting after the first few dates.

"You're match-making, Mac," Stella had told him on the phone earlier that morning. Her voice was alight with underlying amusement. He understood why. It wasn't really in his nature to interfere in his team's personal lives in this way.

"I guess I am, but for good reason. If they don't deal with this now then it's going to haunt them for the rest of their lives. I think I know a bit about hanging onto to something to the detriment of moving forward. In the end, all you end up is lonely."

Stella, as always, picked up on exactly what he was trying to say. "Claire wouldn't have wanted that for you, Mac," she told him.

"I know and I don't think Danny or Lindsay want that for each other either. That's entirely my point."

"Okay, but don't blame me if it all goes spectacularly wrong."

"I won't. I'll just expect you to help me pick up the pieces."

Stella laughed.

"You think this is a mistake," Mac stated rather than asked.

"Not necessarily. I just don't think it's going to be as straightforward as you imagine. I've met Steven – he's a nice guy. He adores Lindsay and treats her well. He's steady and reliable, and, with the greatest respect in the world, Danny is neither. You know I love him but he's always going to be a bit unpredictable. He loves Lindsay, I know that, but whether he's what she needs is another matter. What he did shattered the trust between them and that's not something that can be easily rebuilt."

"So you think she needs someone steadier in her life? Someone less erratic? More dependable?" Mac enquired.

"I think that's what she thinks she needs and that's your problem. Convincing her otherwise when that route has only ever caused her pain is not going to be easy."

Mac sighed.

"But…" Stella continued after a brief pause, "Not entirely impossible, I think."

Mac smiled. "You _don't_ think this is a mistake."

"I think I'm biased. I want to see Danny happy again to tell you the truth. I know his behaviour towards Lindsay was downright despicable, but that was one hell of a self-destruct button he pushed back then. In the end, the consequences hurt him just as much as they hurt her. I think if they can find a way to work through all that, they can be happy again."

"A win-win situation."

"Exactly."

The trill ring of his cell phone brought Mac back into the present, and he answered the call with his usual brusque efficiency. "Mac Taylor."

He listened for a moment as he pulled out a notepad from his shirt pocket. "Yes… Yes okay, what's the address?"

He scribbled it down on his pad and then listened to caller again. "All right. I'll do that."

With a sharp snap, he shut off his cell and turned to Danny who was driving. "Delko got a hit from the partial fingerprint you managed to pull from the brush handle. Drop me off at the Lab and then go pick up Lindsay from her apartment. He's emailing her the details."

Tearing the top sheet off his pad, he handed it to Danny as they pulled into the drop-off zone outside the Miami Dade Crime Lab.

"Do you want us to bring the suspect in?" Danny asked as Mac exited the car.

"It's your call. See how it plays out. Things are a little different here in Miami so take your lead from Lindsay."

Danny nodded. "'Kay. See you later."

He pulled away from the sidewalk with a squeal of tires. It took him twenty minutes to drive across the city to the neighbourhood where Lindsay lived and then another ten minutes to locate her apartment complex. A flash of his badge got him through the security gates and then he was driving down a white gravel driveway to the resident's garage. He handed his keys to the parking attendant and then followed the directions to apartment number 10.

"Nice," he muttered under his breath as he looked around.

The opulence of the place surprised him. It was a far cry from her shoe-box sized apartment in Manhattan, that was for sure, but this was Miami and style was paramount. He rang the doorbell and waited. Footsteps approached, the door opened and he found himself face to face with a tall, blond man about his own age. "Yes?" the stranger enquired politely.

The man was tanned and dressed in a loose-fitting pale cream designer suit that announced his wealth in a surprisingly unassuming way. Underneath the suit, he wore a rather casual t-shirt in a piercing green colour, while his shoes were Italian-made and clearly expensive.

Danny leaned backwards to double-check the apartment number and then squared his shoulders. "I was looking for Lindsay," he announced.

His accent obviously gave him away because the other man's green eyes immediately hardened to agates.

_So this i__s The Boyfriend, _Danny shrewdly surmised. Good-looking, eligible and unmistakably successful. The kind of guy a lot of women would view as excellent marriage material, he reluctantly concluded.

"You're Messer." The man's tone was as warm as an artic blast, but Danny refused to let the less than cordial attitude intimidate him.

"Last time I checked, yeah," he replied glibly. "Is she in?"

He stepped over the threshold without being invited in. For a moment it appeared as if Steven would move to block his path, but after a moment's hesitation, he reluctantly stepped aside and allowed Danny to progress further into the apartment's living space.

"Steven, I…"

Lindsay bustled out of the bedroom, still fixing her earrings, and then stopped in her tracks when she saw Danny. "Oh! You're here already," she flustered. "I wasn't expecting you yet. Eric only emailed me the details on our suspect a few minutes ago. I wasn't supposed to be on until ten. He said that they…"

"You're rambling," Danny cut in blandly. "You do that when you're nervous."

Something flashed in her eyes and he felt a thrill of satisfaction at making her react for once. So he was being a little belligerent, but there was only so much of her politeness he could take. And she wasn't helping either – dressed as she was. She wore a jade-green halter-neck top, slim beige-coloured pants and kitten-heeled sandals in a colour that coordinated with her top. The outfit was smart and business-like as was befitting her job - but it was also remarkably sexy. She'd never dressed like that in New York.

He looked down at his own attire. Despite the heat, he'd resolutely clung to his New York style – his black jeans were simply fashioned out of a thinner cut of denim and he'd swapped the shirts and long-sleeved tees for short-sleeved, well-fitting t-shirts. Today's was a deep maroon colour. He glanced over at The Boyfriend. Geez! They were practically wearing his and her outfits. It was not the Lindsay he knew and something inside him rebelled.

"Well if I'd known about the colour code, I would've worn the green," he said sarcastically.

"Danny!" Lindsay's voice was sharp, warning in tone. He ignored her.

The Boyfriend wasn't so easy to ignore however. "Is it your mission in life to cause trouble?" he demanded. "Or is that just an unfortunate character flaw?"

"Steven," Lindsay moved to stand between the two men as the testosterone level in the room spiked. "It's ok."

Steven wasn't going to back down though. She could tell by the stubborn set of his chin, the unfamiliar coolness in his green eyes. "I won't let him hurt you again, Lindsay," he declared. "Wasn't once enough for you?"

Danny's temper instantly deflated at that. He rubbed the palm of his hand wearily across his face. "I'll wait in the car," he said and then turned on his heel and left.

Lindsay watched him go with a sharp pang. She'd never seen him so defeated. Where had all the fire gone?

"Lindsay, you don't have to put up with this, you know. Report him to Horatio and he'll be on the next plane back to New York."

Lindsay drew in a deep breath. "Everything isn't as it seems, Steven," she told him quietly. "What I told you – it wasn't the whole story. I thought it was at the time, but I know differently now."

"Does that change what he did to you?"

"No, but in some ways it makes it easier to understand."

"So now you're making excuses for him."

"No, no, of course not, but it's been two years. It's time to let it go."

Steven reached out and cupped her chin in his hand. "If you really mean that, then do it, Lindsay. Let it go."

Lindsay stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. "I already did. I'm with you, aren't I?"

"But part of you is still in New York."

Lindsay sighed. "The last couple of years have not been easy for me, you know that."

"I know," Steven said.

Stroking his fingers through her hair, he leaned his forehead against hers and looked down into her big brown eyes. "Whatever the circumstances though, Lindsay," he went on soothingly. "You don't owe him a thing. He has no right to expect anything from you."

Lindsay nodded. "I know that."

"But you want to give it anyway," Steven said with an indulgent smile. "You're too nice for your own good, you know that? I guess that's why I love you. You're so… genuine. In my world, that's somewhat of a novelty."

Moved by his words, Lindsay pressed her lips to his once more and then stepped back, scooping up the folder containing the print-out of the information that Delko had emailed her as she headed for the door.

"I'll see you later," she said over her shoulder.

"Dinner at my place?" her boyfriend asked.

She smiled. "Sounds wonderful."

"That's a date then."

After bidding him farewell, she stepped out into the humid heat and walked slowly down the path towards the security gate. She could see Danny waiting in the car outside on the street. He had his forehead pressed against the steering wheel and his shoulders were slumped. He jerked upright when she slid into the passenger seat though.

"So where to?" he asked, refusing to look at her.

"Danny…" she started.

"He knows," he interrupted, abruptly cutting off what she'd been going to say.

Lindsay sighed. "Yes," she concurred. "I told him - some of it at least anyway."

Danny drew in a breath. "I'm sorry, Lindsay. I just… I can't act like this is nothing anymore."

"Is that what you think I'm doing?"

"I think you don't want to face it so you're pretending everything's normal."

"And can you blame me? You… I…"

"What?" He was pushing her but he was finally getting a reaction and it felt good.

She broke despite her best efforts to remain in control. "You broke my heart, Danny! First, you ignored me and then you cast me aside like I was a piece of garbage!"

He didn't flinch away from the brutal reality of it. "I know," he agreed.

"And now you're trying to make excuses. I'm supposed to feel sorry for you," she said bitterly. "Well, too bad, it doesn't work that way, despite what everyone thinks."

"Everyone?"

"Mac! Stella! Everyone! You know what I mean!"

Danny looked at her. Unfortunately, he did. They were all so staunchly supportive of him that they were unintentionally heaping unreasonable expectation on her.

"If they wanted me to… well, they should have told me at the time, shouldn't they? Not two &! years later!"

Danny smiled at her vehemence in spite of himself. "I asked them not to."

"I know, Mac said. Why?"

"Because…" Danny stopped.

He couldn't really say why he'd made the decisions he had back then. He wasn't exactly in the most rational frame of mind at the time. He made an indelicate sound of exasperation in the back of his throat when his mind would not provide the answer to her question.

"I don't know."

"God Danny! I don't… I don't want to do this. Not here, not now. We have work to do and Steven…" she trailed off.

Danny nodded and gunned the engine. They drove along in silence for several minutes.

"Do you love him?"

The question was direct and the answer simple. "Yes."

There was silence. She looked over at him. His jaw was tight and she could see he was struggling to hold onto his emotions. "But not in the same way that I loved you," she added.

It was tragic; she'd never once told him she loved him whilst they'd been happy. It had all gone horribly wrong before she'd had the chance. It was incredibly ironic that when she'd finally had the opportunity to say the words; it was already too late for them to mean what they should have done.

"Steven is good for me," she said on a resigned sigh. "He doesn't… I know where I am with him. There are no hidden layers. We just… are. He makes me feel safe, I guess."

Danny nodded. "Well, I asked." His voice was thick, his emotions only just remaining in check.

"I'm sorry."

"It's ok. I didn't expect… Not after… It's ok."

She reached out and placed her hand over his on the steering wheel and felt him shudder at the contact. "I think this is it up ahead," she said quietly.

Danny pulled into the street she pointed out and drew the car to a stop outside their suspect's million-dollar home. His fingers were still entwined in hers as he surveyed the residence. "Fancy," he declared.

He turned to look at her and she could see the heartache and the ever-present guilt shining in his blue eyes. Something inside her broke. Time rewound two and a half years and she was once again looking at the broken man who was struggling to accept that the body in the autopsy bay was truly that of the little boy he'd watched ride away on his newly-blessed bike only a few hours earlier. She didn't think, or contemplate; she just acted. She leaned forward and kissed him because, in that moment, it seemed like the thing to do…

She shouldn't have. The spark flickered and quickly took flame. He curled his hand around the back of her neck and pulled her close, deepening her tentative embrace before she had the chance to object. When he released her – stunned and breathless – a few moments later, she immediately panicked. Her heart was hammering like a drum-beat inside her chest. Oh God! What had she done? This wasn't what she wanted and Steven…

She closed her eyes against the wave of guilt. "Danny."

He brushed the swell of her cheek with gentle fingers. She opened her eyes. Understanding shone back at her from his. "A proper goodbye," he said, so quietly she barely heard him.

"Yes," she agreed in a whisper, "A proper goodbye."

Danny lightly touched her bottom lip with his forefinger and then forced himself to retreat. "So we should check out this suspect," he said, getting purposely out the car.

After drawing in a deep breath to steady her nerves, Lindsay followed suit and trailed him up the driveway to the house…

**OOOOOO**

_**Later that night…**_

It was another dead-end. An adulterous wife but no murderer.

Lindsay could relate. She shivered as Steven ran a finger over her bare shoulder and down the length of her arm. He leaned in and kissed the side of her neck, his hand settling over the slight swell of her belly as he pulled her back against him. She twisted in his arms and looked up into his face. "I kissed Danny," she blurted out before she could stop herself.

Steven went rigid. Her eyes immediately filled with tears of remorse. He was a good man, more than she deserved, and, what was worse, she knew how this felt. She still couldn't quite believe she'd crossed that line when she'd experienced the other side of it so vividly. It was thoughtless. It was stupid. It was…

"Why?" Steven asked in a brittle tone.

"I don't know. He looked so defeated, so lost, and I…"

Steven shoved the bedclothes aside and rose to his feet, angrily tugging on his robe. "What? Wanted to make him feel better?"

"No, yes, I… I don't know! I told him I loved you."

"But you kissed him anyway."

Lindsay sat up, clutching the sheet to her breasts. "It was… an impulse thing. It wasn't… I didn't want it. Not like that. It was… goodbye, I guess. We never really properly ended it, you know? There was so much left unsaid, so many things left unresolved between us."

"And sticking your tongue down his throat resolved them, did it?"

"Steven!"

She was actually shocked at the venom in his tone. He was normally so easy-going - not that he didn't have a right to be angry, but even so. It wasn't as if she hadn't been honest with him – now or before this. But what kind of excuse was that for what she'd done? "I'm sorry I don't know how to…"

"Move in with me."

She blinked at the sudden change in direction. "What?"

"You say you love me. You told him you love me. Well then prove it and move in with me, Lindsay."

She stalled. "I can't. Not yet. We already talked about this. I'm just not ready for that kind of commitment. I need more time."

"Because you're not sure that I'm really what you want."

"No, no, that's not true. I love you, I do."

"But part of you still hasn't gotten over him." Steven's tone was weary now rather than angry, "Even now, after all this time."

She wanted to deny it but she couldn't. "I never lied to you and said this was going to be easy, Steven," she reminded him. "I told you there were some issues that I still had to work through when we first got involved. I know it seems like I should have done that by now, but some things are not that easy. This isn't a black and white situation. It should be but it isn't."

Running his hands exasperatedly through his hair, Steven came back to the bed, sat down on the mattress beside her and took her shoulders in his hands. "What is it that I don't know, Lindsay?" he demanded, shaking her slightly. "Because – god help me – I don't understand why this guy deserves so much of your consideration after the way he treated you. You were doing okay. I thought we were finally moving forward, and then you suddenly did a complete u-turn on me and now we seem to be back at square one."

She looked at him. He'd been so understanding throughout all of this. From day one, he'd let her dictate the pace of their relationship even though she knew he wanted more from her. He'd given her the room to sort herself out because he cared about her, because he trusted that when she eventually managed to put all the pieces of the messed-up jigsaw puzzle of her life together, she'd reward his patience with her heart. Because of that, she owed him the truth.

"He had a breakdown," she told him. "He was hospitalised for several weeks because of it."

Steven's eyes widened but he said nothing, choosing to let her continue with her story instead.

"It happened about six weeks after I left New York, although I didn't know anything about it until recently. Danny wrote me a letter about a month ago. Why he chose to tell me now rather than back then, I have no idea, but it opened up some old wounds for me. It's not an excuse for what he did, I know that, but it _is _the explanation I never had. He was my best friend as well as my lover, Steven, and that made it so much harder to understand why he would do something like that to me. It just didn't figure with the man I knew him to be."

She paused, gathered her thoughts, wanting him to understand how knowing the full story had affected her. "And now that I do know everything, I can't hate him anymore. I don't believe he intentionally meant to hurt me. He was trying to hurt himself more than anything."

"He did hurt you though, Lindsay," Steven pointed out.

She nodded. "Yes, he did - more than anyone else ever has - so don't think for a second that I can just forget that because I can't. I know he's genuinely sorry for what he did, but it doesn't make it right. It doesn't make me feel any less betrayed. I can't just pretend it never happened."

"Question is - can you forgive him for it?"

Lindsay paused to think about it for a moment. "I don't know," she eventually replied.

"Try," Steven urged.

When her brow furrowed in confusion, he explained his reasoning. "I want all of you, Lindsay. And while part of you still holds onto the past, I don't have that. Forgive him and then maybe you can move on."

Maybe she could, but that didn't mean it'd be in the direction that he wanted and that's what worried her. Could she really be part of that rollercoaster ride again? Once she got back on, there'd be no going back. But if she didn't face up to it, there'd be no going forward either. Why did everything have to be so complicated?

"I'm sorry," she said. "About the kiss, I mean. That was wrong, so wrong. I… Danny's letter and now him being here… well, it's stirred up some things that I thought I'd confined to the past. It's not about you and the way I feel about you, it's about the things that are still left unresolved inside of me. I'm scared – I'm scared of getting hurt that way again."

Her boyfriend nodded as he slid back into the bed beside her and pulled her close. "I understand that," he said as he curled an arm around her shoulder. "But the past is the past, Lindsay. You can't change it and you can't go back. You need to concentrate on the here and now, not drive yourself crazy over what might have been. What we have together is good, isn't it?"

"Yes," she said, relaxing into his embrace.

"Then focus on that. Put all this business with Danny behind you. He's had two years to set things straight and he chose not to. Quite frankly, as far as I'm concerned, that means he's missed the boat. You don't owe him anything. And who says it would have worked out anyway? He seems an unreliable sort to me. Is that really the kind of person you need in your life after all you've been through? I know you're frightened to commit, Lindsay, but you can trust me to be there for you, I swear. Sometimes you just have to close your eyes, draw in all of your courage and take a blind leap of faith. I'll catch you, I promise. I won't ever give you cause to regret it."

Lindsay said nothing, her mind still whirling with a welter of contradictory thoughts and emotions. Sometimes Steven was so damn reasonable, she wanted to scream. It was part of what she loved about him, but it could also grate on her nerves. It was almost as if she could do whatever she liked and he'd forgive her. His anger tonight had been welcome in a way. The understanding and patience that followed his outburst was what she'd come to expect from him, but it was the sharp, furious words that had soothed her inner agitation. If he'd let this slide without even a murmur of discontent, she'd have been worried. He liked to take care of her, and she needed that, but there were limits to that kind of thing. She didn't want to be mollycoddled - just loved, cherished and respected for who she was.

Taking her silence as acquiescence, Steven slid his fingers under her chin and tilted her face up to kiss her. Lindsay's mouth automatically opened under the pressure of his as he rolled her underneath him and deepened the embrace, his hands moving possessively down her body. When his exploring lips left her mouth to caress the sensitive skin of her throat, Lindsay arched her neck and surrendered to all that he was offering her.

He was right. There was no going back now. She had everything she ever wanted in Miami – a good job, a nice apartment, friends and a boyfriend who adored her. She was living the existence that she had only ever dreamed of before. Danny was simply one chapter in her life not the entire book. It was finally time for her to turn the page on him and go on with the rest of the story. She didn't know where it would lead her, but it was the path of least uncertainty and that was the road that she needed to take right now. For better or worse, she'd made her choice and now she was going to stick by it.

**OOOOOO**

Driven from his bed by habitual insomnia, Danny idly wandered the deserted beach with no real sense of where he was going. He was haunted by the memory of Lindsay's lips pressed against his. He knew she'd only meant the kiss as some sort of misplaced comfort, but he'd been craving her touch for so long that he hadn't been able to stop himself from taking more than she'd been intending to give. When he'd drawn back and seen the panic and remorse in her eyes, it had been like a kick in the teeth. It was no more than he expected, no more than he deserved, but it had hurt all the same.

He'd told her it was goodbye, but he knew it was anything but. For two years, he'd tried to put her behind him. He had said and done some terrible things. He'd hurt her beyond all imagining and he knew that they couldn't just erase everything that had happened between them. When a couple of weeks into his hospital stay he'd finally been able to see things clearly for the first time in months, he'd been crushed by the weight of his guilt and shame. He'd hurt himself, Rikki Sandoval too, but worst of all, he'd hurt the one person he cared about above all others.

Blaming himself, he had made the painful decision not to contact or go after her. He reasoned Lindsay was better off without him. What they'd had had been damaged beyond repair by his actions. Sure, she might be able to forgive him in time, but could they really move past it and go back to the way things were? It would always be there between them whether they liked it or not. So why cause them both more pain by trying to mend something that was irreparably broken?

It had all made logical sense at the time, but, in the intervening two years, he hadn't been able to shake the 'what ifs?' no matter how hard he tried. The letter he'd felt driven to write purged him of some of that, but it didn't erase it completely. And now he was here, with Lindsay so close and yet still so out of reach. Sometime during the last few days, he'd come to the conclusion that he didn't want it to end. Maybe they couldn't go back to the way things were, but they could possibly find a new place to be if they were both willing to make the effort.

Common sense told him that it was already too late, but the less rational side of him refused to give up. How would he know unless he tried? Ok so he'd lost her as a result of his own actions but she wasn't indifferent to him - the way she'd responded to his kiss today had proved that.

And was this Steven really the right guy for her anyway? He knew he was a less than impartial judge on the matter, but there was just something about the guy that didn't sit right with the woman he knew Lindsay to be. She'd lost something in the two years since he'd last seen her, some of her quirkiness, the side of her personality that had made her his Montana. Maybe that change was mostly down to him and what he'd done, but he couldn't help but feel that Steven was also a factor in it. What had she said earlier?

"_Steven is good for me. I know where I am with him. There are no hidden layers. We just… are. He makes me feel safe."_

All highly reasonable but slightly too pat in his opinion. Was safe really what she wanted or was it just a defence mechanism against getting hurt again? Maybe he couldn't be steady and reliable in the traditional sense, but he could give her the security she needed in another way if she'd let him. Would she ever be able to do that after the way he'd betrayed her though? His brain may have been short-circuiting at the time, but he'd completely ruined the trust that existed between them – taken a massive sledgehammer to it in fact.

And it was that which he found most difficult to reconcile. No matter how many times he tried to tell himself that what he'd been going through had caused him to act out of character, he was the one who'd done those things in the end. The guilt and pain over Ruben had upped the ante on his aggression, messed with his sense of what was right and wrong, but he'd acted out of his own free will on some level. Months of therapy hadn't cured him of that sense of responsibility, he wasn't sure anything ever would.

Was that why he felt so culpable now about going for what he wanted? Was it right or fair? What if Lindsay agreed to try again and then regretted it? He would have destroyed her life twice over, and, although he got the impression that Steven could occasionally be a bit of a martyr, he didn't think the man would stand for being made a complete fool of. He hadn't gotten where he had in life by being a complete pushover that was for sure.

And yet, he still loved her. That's what it came down to in the end. He loved her and hated not having her in his life. In spite of his friends, his family and his work, he was horribly lonely, more so than he'd ever been in his entire life. If there was even the smallest possibility that she would give him another chance to prove that he was worthy of her trust then he had to go for it. How could he not? How could he live with himself if he let her slip through his fingers a second time?

No, there was only one option. He had to fight. He would be man enough to admit defeat if it came to that, but out-and-out surrender wasn't in his vocabulary. It never had been. Years before, he'd rejected the life his brother had chosen, the one that had been offered to him, and had decided to make something of himself instead. It would have been easier to give in but he hadn't. He'd fought the trappings of his roots and won his freedom the hard way. He would fight for Lindsay now. Win or lose, at least he'd know. There would no longer be any uncertainty. He could move on without the what-ifs, whatever the outcome.

His mind finally made up about where he went from here, he turned and slowly made his way back to the hotel, Tomorrow he would talk to her, he resolved. Tomorrow he would find a way to say all the things he wanted to say. Tomorrow, they would finally start to move on…

_**To be continued…**_

**OOOOOO**

**Author's Notes ****2: **_Re: Danny's breakdown_. _I had lots of ideas about what could have happened to Danny – a brain tumour that made him act out of character for one. I know - way too cliché, that's why I discarded it. I decided this would be more interesting to explore. Some may see it as far-fetched but I don't necessarily think so – not after what has happened to him in the last few years – the police officer he accidentally shot in Season 1, for instance; Aiden's murder; the situation with his brother (is he dead? It's a mystery!), plus what happened to Flack in the bomb blast at the end of Season 2. And then there was Ruben, Rikki and losing Lindsay because of how he reacted to that situation. After all that emotional trauma, it didn't seem that unusual that he'd eventually succumb to depression in a big way. After all, Danny Messer never does anything by halves, does he?_

_P.S There may be another delay in the posting of the next chapter to this but I hope this keeps you going in the meantime!_


	3. Memories

**WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN**

**Disclaimer: **The characters in CSI: New York and CSI: Miami do not belong to me. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.

**Summary: **After her and Danny's difficult break-up, Lindsay Monroe is transferred to the Miami Crime Lab. Two years later and the past comes knocking on her door…

**Notes: **Hi! I know it's ages since I updated and that you'll probably have to read the first two chapters again to remember what's going on, but I hit a major case of writer's block with this and every other story I've tried to write over the past few months. Anyway, I've finally started to make progress again so here is the next part. I'm quite a way through the next chapter already so fingers crossed you won't have to wait so long for an update again!

There's a fairly graphic description of Danny's breakdown in this chapter that some may find disturbing so please be suitably warned before you read on.

**OOOOOO**

_**Part **__**3 – Memories**_

The next day, Lindsay, Danny and Mac were back in the Lab, going over their combined evidence once again and searching for that elusive clue to the mystery that continued to evade them.

Lifting her gaze from the New York crime scene photos spread out on the table in front of her, Lindsay looked over to where Danny was peering into a microscope examining some of the trace evidence that she'd collected from the copy-cat crime scene here in Miami. Across the other side of the room, Mac was meticulously scrutinising the various forensic reports from both scenes, trying to find a link that they may have inadvertently missed. It was a shot in the dark, they all knew that, but they weren't ready to give up yet. All three of them were far too tenacious investigators for that.

Her gaze still trained on her former boyfriend, Lindsay sighed inwardly to herself. Steven had left for work at the crack of dawn that morning, leaving her to linger alone over breakfast on the sunny terrace of his multi-million dollar property. She'd spent the quiet hour of solitude trying to come to a decision about where she went from here. She knew that she and Danny needed to clear the air before things got out of hand, but she wasn't sure of the best way to go about it.

She was loath to admit it but he'd been right in what he said the previous day - she had been avoiding the subject of their break-up, mainly because it was too painful for her to deal with. Two years had passed and still the events that had led to her departure from New York haunted her. It was time to deal with the situation once and for all though – for the sake of her relationship with the current man in her life if nothing else.

Steven had been remarkably patient about her continued indecision over moving in with him, but she knew it must tear him up inside sometimes. He'd given her so much of himself, and yet she'd been unable to return the favour. Yes, she'd granted him her love and her trust, but the lingering echoes of the past had stopped her from committing to their relationship in the way that he truly wanted.

As he'd made love to her the previous night, she'd accepted that she wanted to be with him. But this morning, when her emotions were clearer and her thoughts more ordered, she realised that she couldn't do that until she'd worked things through with Danny. She needed to understand how and why it had all gone so wrong before; otherwise she'd only end up making the same mistake twice. She couldn't face that kind of hurt again and needed to be certain that she was doing the right thing before she risked her heart a second time.

The decision that she'd reached that morning was a difficult one, but one that she knew in her heart was right. Unfortunately, it was also a path with two possible outcomes. On the one hand, it could turn out the way she hoped, the way Steven wanted. She could finally find some closure with her former love and move on with the relationship that had brought her nothing but security and happiness in its ten-month duration.

The flip side of the coin, however, was that she would be drawn back into Danny's arms and that scared her. Three years ago she'd built up so many hopes for their future. But those hopes had been transient – a little boy's tragic death had cruelly snatched them away with little or no warning. Hopes, she'd realised, could be shattered when you least expected it. She'd learned that the hard way and didn't want to suffer a repeat performance…

Shaking her head to clear her muddled thoughts, she purposefully pushed her emotional turmoil aside and focused her attention back on her work. Her brow furrowed as she reached out for one of the crime scene photos and held it up to the light to study it better. There was something… She couldn't quite…

"Hey guys!" she said, her sharp tone causing her two companions to raise their heads. "The female Vic from your crime scene? The defensive wound pattern? It seems a little odd to me."

Mac and Danny exchanged a look. "Yeah, it took us a while to figure it out too," the latter said.

"I'm guessing you did," Lindsay surmised, her optimistic mood quickly deflating. She'd been so sure she was onto something at last.

"Afraid so," Mac told her with an apologetic shrug of his shoulders.

"Damn!" Lindsay muttered. "I thought I had something there for a minute." She studied the photo again, trying to connect the dots. "So explain," she demanded when her brain refused to make the correlation.

Mac smiled at her irritated tone. "Does it matter?" he asked.

"Of course it does," Lindsay said in exasperation. "I need to know why."

Danny chuckled at that and she shot him a look that was fire and ice rolled into one. Shaking his head with amusement, he rose to his feet.

"Mac, help me out here," he said as he shrugged off his Lab coat and moved out into the clear floor space in the centre of the room. Mac obligingly rose to join him in the impromptu reconstruction.

"We figured she must have had her arms up like this," Danny said, lifting his arms to demonstrate.

"…And that our perp attacked from this angle," Mac finished, miming the appropriate trajectory.

Lindsay had lost interest the moment Danny had raised his arms, however. Her face had drained of all colour and her eyes were now filled with an emotion bordering on anguish.

"What?" Danny asked, noticing her stricken expression.

"Danny…" Mac murmured, reaching out to touch a hand to where the young detective still had his arms raised in front of his face.

An unpleasant feeling twisting low in his belly, Danny lowered his arms and turned them over to look at the criss-cross pattern of fading scars that decorated his skin from wrist to half-way towards his elbow. He had the same scars on his hands, knuckles and backs of his forearms too, but they were much more noticeable here on the softer skin of the underside of his arms. He drew in a shaky breath to steady himself.

"My apartment looked a lot worse than me," he quipped with a half-hearted attempt at humour. "Completely trashed the security deposit."

"Danny, it's not funny," Lindsay said, her voice trembling slightly. "You…"

"I wasn't trying to kill myself," he said, latching onto her darkening thoughts before she could voice them. "I just… I don't know. It's like when you stretch a piece of elastic so tight that it can't take the pressure anymore and it just snaps. My landlord was not impressed. Flack even less so."

"Flack?" Lindsay asked in confusion.

"I broke his nose as well along with pretty much everything else in my apartment."

Lindsay's eyes filled with moisture at that.

"Could have been worse," Danny told her with a shrug, "Could have decked the boss here instead. Not exactly the greatest career move in the world, huh? It's just fortunate that I'm right-handed, I guess."

Lindsay felt her control over her emotions slip. "Does everything have to be a joke with you?" she demanded, exasperated with the way he'd just brushed his meltdown off as if it were nothing.

Danny shook his head, his expression pained. "No, but this…" He sighed. "It's my way of coping, I suppose."

He scrubbed his hands over his face. He knew he would have to confide in her if he wanted her to understand, but that didn't make reliving some of his darkest moments any easier. "Can we talk about this later?" he asked a little plaintively. "I don't want to go into it now."

Lindsay nodded. "Okay," she agreed. "But we need to talk, Danny. I need to know. I don't know why. I just do."

Danny nodded rather absently and then turned back to the microscope and immersed himself back in his work. Mac reached out and squeezed Lindsay's shoulder in silent sympathy.

"He's doing fine," he'd told her on his and Danny's first day in Miami. Lindsay hoped he was right. Whatever Danny had done to her, she couldn't stop herself from caring about him. She knew what it was like, being so close to the edge. She'd been there herself a time or two after her friends' tragic deaths in her teens. Acute depression was a scary thing to face. It was a monster that could swallow you whole especially when you felt like you had to deal with it alone

Across the room, Danny looked down the microscope lens again, but couldn't focus on what it was magnifying. Sitting back, he pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger and tried to pull his mind back into the present. It was no use though; the call of the past was just too strong to ignore…

_**Two **__**years earlier…**_

A marching band had taken up residence inside his head, and the insistent beeping of his alarm only added to the cacophony. It was like the noise of someone scrapping their nails down a blackboard and it ricocheted right through him, making him shudder with distaste. Reaching out with his right arm, he knocked the offending clock off the nightstand with an irritable swipe of his hand. He heard it crack as it hit the floor, but, infuriatingly, the alarm continued to sound.

"God Dammit!" he exclaimed in angry frustration.

Scooping up the ringing timepiece, he hurled it across the room in a fit of temper. It hit the far wall with a satisfying crack and the persistent beep of the alarm finally stopped. Still swearing, he stumbled out of bed and into the bathroom to take a shower. Exiting his bedroom fifteen minutes later, he first stopped to gather the empty beer bottles that decorated the floor near the couch, before continuing through into the apartment's small kitchenette.

After dumping the bottles in the trash, he opened the refrigerator, retrieved a carton of orange juice from inside the door and drank long and deep of the sharply acidic liquid in a vain attempt to revive himself from his stupor. The knock on the door came just as he was contemplating the wisdom of eggs on an alcohol-induced sensitive stomach.

He crossed the apartment on bare feet and discovered Rikki Sandoval standing in the hallway outside. He hadn't seen her for a few days now. Ever since Lindsay had left two weeks before, they'd all been obliged to work extra shifts to cover her. His spare time was therefore severely limited. Why Mac hadn't made Lindsay work out her notice while he found a replacement for her, Danny had no idea. Or, more to the point, he did, he just refused to acknowledge it. Denial was a wonderful thing sometimes and right now he was positively drowning in it.

"Hey!" he said, leaning casually against the door-jamb and folding his arms across his chest.

"Hey!" Rikki returned with a glimmer of a smile. "Can I come in?"

"Sure," he said, stepping back to allow her to enter.

"You look like hell," she remarked as she closed the door behind her and turned to face him.

A burst of almost hysterical laughter escaped his lips. "Long night," he said as he instinctively reached for her.

After their night of forbidden passion, he'd initially taken a step back, knowing that what he was doing was wrong but struggling to find a way out of the dark. Lindsay was hurt by the way he'd pushed her away and had slammed up the emotional walls around him, effectively shutting him out when he finally wanted back in. This made it virtually impossible for him to talk to her and he'd been left floundering, not knowing how to return to the person he used to be before Ruben's untimely death.

Eventually, he had given into the desperate need to feel close to someone and had succumbed to Rikki a second time. He'd persuaded himself that this was what he wanted and hadn't bothered to be discreet. Lindsay had discovered his betrayal when she'd shown up at his apartment the following morning. The worst thing was, she hadn't gotten mad, raged or lashed out at him. She'd simply looked at him with those big, brown eyes of hers brim full of pain and hurt, and had then turned and silently walked away. Ten days later, she'd been on a plane to Miami and out of his life for good.

Rikki forestalled him with a hand against his chest. "Danny… We… Can we talk?"

He looked at her blankly. He'd been half-expecting this. Ever since Lindsay had gone – no before then even – things had been slowly unravelling inside of him. It was a gradual process but it was happening and he knew that there was nothing he could do to stop it. He nodded. "Okay."

He took her coat, hanging it up on the stand as she walked over and sat down on the couch. After a moment's hesitation, he sat down in the arm-chair opposite and waited for her to speak.

"My brother called a couple of days ago," she told him in an almost conversational manner. "He wants… He wants me to move to Michigan to live with him and his family for a while. My sister-in-law owns a florist shop there and she needs an assistant. They think that… that it's not good for me to stay here. The memories, they're too painful to be a comfort and I…"

She stopped and looked up at him with questioning eyes. "What do you think?"

Danny felt a mixture of relief and panic all rolled into one. The woman before him was a symbol of his guilt – a grieving mother of the boy he'd failed to protect as well as an illicit lover. Seeing her every day made things worse in one respect, but on another level, she was all he had left to hold on to now. He drew in a shuddering breath and somehow found the courage to say what needed to be said.

"I think you should go," he told her.

He saw something flash in her eyes but it was gone before he could name it. She nodded. "Yeah, I do too. I don't think that this." She gestured between them. "Is good for either of us. It takes away the pain for a while but it's not the answer."

Danny had lost the ability to speak; he could only look mutely at her. He wanted to pull her close, hold on tight and never let go, but he didn't. She was his life-raft but she wasn't taking him to a place of safety, she was pulling him further out to sea. Somewhere deep inside, buried down amongst all the confusion, he knew that.

Rikki reached out and slid her hands into his. "You've got to try and let it go," she told him in an earnest tone. "Ruben…" Her voice broke over her son's name and Danny's eyes filled with moisture in response. "I don't think… I don't think he would want you to suffer like this. I don't think he'd have wanted either of us to suffer like this."

Danny nodded mutely. With tears shining in her eyes, Rikki rose to her feet and pressed a chaste kiss to the top of his head. He didn't touch her and she was forced to step back. "I leave in a few days," she told him. "I could use some help packing up."

"I think that can be arranged," he said, his voice gravely with suppressed emotion.

He hadn't slept with her again. He knew that would be a mistake. When she'd reached for him after they'd packed up Ruben's room, he'd simply held her while she cried for her lost son. When he felt her lips moving against his neck, he'd gently pulled back. She'd lifted her tear-stained eyes to his face and reluctantly nodded. He'd risen to his feet and silently left. Her brother had arrived to pick her up the next day.

With Rikki gone, things had rapidly spiralled out of control. She was his safety net and now he was free-falling. The beers increased in number. Work became his focus, but even that was not enough to stem the emotional tsunami brewing inside of him. At the time, he hadn't been aware of just how much slack Mac was cutting him. He never went into the Lab drunk, but he definitely went in hung-over. His ability to think straight was severely impaired. He didn't make any vital mistakes but nor was he performing to the best of his abilities.

His relationships with his colleagues weren't on such hot ground either. Adam was distinctly wary of him and his easily lost temper. Stella was giving him the cold shoulder – over Lindsay, he knew, even if he refused to acknowledge it. Hawkes wasn't much better and Flack… Flack was an annoying, buzzing little fly that he couldn't get rid of. Mac, meanwhile, simply sat back and waited.

The inevitable came around three weeks after Rikki had left and six weeks after Lindsay's departure. Time had become a blur. Waking up that morning, he didn't even realise that he'd been holed up in his apartment for two days straight. He took a shower, pulled on a pair of ratty sweatpants and then wiped the steam away from the mirror to look at his reflection. The man who gazed back at him was a stranger. It wasn't him. He didn't even know who he was anymore. Without thinking, he balled up his fist and slammed it into the centre of the glass.

The mirror shattered at the impact and the flying shards of glass cut into his skin. The pain was sharp, the warm blood that ran down his arms instantly cathartic. He turned and swept everything off the bathroom shelf onto the floor. Glass shattered and he cut his feet as he crunched over the debris and headed into the bedroom. Then he really let fly.

He didn't hear the hammering on the door, nor the crash as it was kicked in on its hinges. He did feel the hand that caught his upraised arm however, and he immediately struck out. There was a loud crack as his fist connected with bone and flesh and then a string of expletives turned the air blue. He ignored the shocked diatribe, whirled around and looked for something else to destroy.

Strong arms quickly restrained him and he fought desperately against their hold. They were like steel bands though and he couldn't shake himself loose. The situation only got worse when a second pair of hands joined in. He struggled to get free with everything that was in him but it was no use. Voices were calling his name but he couldn't identify them over the roaring sound in his ears. Finally, he felt the jab of something razor-sharp puncturing the skin of his upper arm and the world descended into blessed nothingness…

_**Back in the present…**_

Danny shoved back his chair and abruptly rose to his feet. "I need some air," he announced and headed blindly for the door.

"Danny…" Lindsay called out after him but he kept on walking, ignoring the concern he could hear in her voice. He was suffocating. He needed to escape the confines of the Lab with a necessity that was overwhelming.

Mac reached out and caught Lindsay's arm as she moved to go after him. "Leave him," he said.

"But… this is my fault. I shouldn't have…"

"It's not your fault," Mac said firmly. "None of it is your fault. He'll be all right. Sometimes he just needs some space to clear his head, that's all."

"You said he was fine," Lindsay accused.

"I said he was doing fine, Lindsay. It's not the same thing. He's pretty much back to normal, but he's not completely over it yet. It's been a long, hard road for him."

"And I'm stirring it all back up again."

"As he is for you," Mac reminded her.

Lindsay ran her fingers agitatedly through her hair and looked away from that steady and all-knowing gaze.

"It's not necessarily a bad thing, you know," Mac continued soothingly. "You both need to deal with what happened. He hurt you badly and he has to live with that. It's rough on him, Lindsay. The way he treated you – that was never really him, but sometimes when you're in pain, when you can't see a reason for the way things are, you strike out at the things that matter the most because you don't think you deserve them."

"You sound like you're talking from experience."

Mac inclined his head. "I've had my moments. After 911 - losing Claire… I was angry at the world for a long time."

Lindsay nodded and then sighed. "I don't know what to do, Mac. I can't… My life is in a completely different place now to where it was back then. It's a good place. A happy place. But Danny… he's… I don't know, I just don't know. I feel like I'm being torn in two."

"Lindsay, listen…" Mac reached out and took her shoulders in his hands. "Only you can decide what the right thing is. Don't let other people's feelings or opinions influence you. You see Danny hurting and that pulls at you. He doesn't mean to make demands of you but that's essentially what he's doing. And your boyfriend, I'm assuming he's putting you under a certain amount of pressure as well?"

Lindsay nodded in miserable agreement.

"Then maybe it's time that you took a step back to decide what it is that _you_ want, Lindsay. That's the only way to be fair to both of them in the end."

Lindsay sighed. It was the conclusion she'd reached herself that morning – except that maybe she needed to take things a little further than she'd originally envisaged. Drawing in a deep breath, she tried to muster the courage to face the situation head on. "I need to… err… I need to umm, go out for a while. Is that ok?"

Mac nodded. "Take the rest of the day."

"No, that's not necessary, Mac. I…"

"Take the rest of the day," Mac repeated firmly. "The evidence isn't going anywhere. The case has waited nearly a year already. It can wait another twenty-four hours."

"Yes I know but…"

"Danny's going to need some time to pull himself together," Mac continued unabated. "We'll look at it fresh tomorrow." His lips curled up into a glimmer of a smile. "That's an order, Lindsay."

Lindsay gave in. "You've changed, Mac," she told him.

Mac did smile this time. "I may have mellowed somewhat with age," he agreed.

Lindsay laughed and Mac joined her.

"Look, I may be the boss," he said, serious once their laughter died down. "But I care about what happens to my team. Danny's breakdown… well, let's just say it was a shock to all of us. I was aware that he was struggling but I failed to see just how bad the situation had gotten. And Stella… Stella was so angry with him over you. She blamed herself for not noticing that he was in such a bad way. I think everyone else experienced similar feelings of guilt. I guess it reminded us that, underneath the work dynamic, there are even stronger ties of friendship and those are what matter the most when the chips are down."

Lindsay nodded. "I miss it, you know," she admitted. "Everyone here in Miami is great, but it's not the same. New York – it gets under your skin like nowhere else does. In Miami…" She smiled a little wistfully. "In Miami, I feel like I'm on vacation half the time. Sometimes it's like living in a dream world. I mean I'm dating a multi-millionaire! Me - a small-town country girl from Montana. It's surreal."

"Sometimes life takes us directions we don't expect," Mac remarked sagely.

"Me more than most, I think," Lindsay said. "My life would be completely different if not for the actions of a psychopath armed with a shotgun. That night changed the path of my life forever. It led me into a career in forensics rather than veterinary science or medicine, which in turn led me to New York and Danny, and then onto Miami and Steven."

"Any regrets?" Mac asked.

"Too many to count," Lindsay replied, "But I don't think I'd change it. It's better to have loved and lost than never loved at all – isn't that what they say? I can relate to that. Danny was an important part of my life. Even knowing how it turned out between us, I'd do it all again. He hurt me, but it wasn't all bad. Most of the time, it was actually pretty good."

She paused, shaking her head at her own words. "Two years ago, I never thought I'd be able to say that," she admitted with a faint smile. "I guess that's progress, huh?"

"I guess so," Mac agreed with a slight nod. "Now - get out of here before I change my mind."

Lindsay gathered her things but paused in the doorway on her way out. "Mac?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks."

He nodded briefly in acknowledgement of her gratitude and then turned to secure the crime scene evidence as procedure dictated.

"Mac?" Horatio poked his head around the door just as he was finishing up. "Everything ok?"

Mac nodded. "I decided we should take the rest of the day off. We're at a standstill here - maybe stepping away from it for a while will help us find the fresh angle on the case we're after."

"And give Lindsay and Danny some space to deal with their personal issues too?" Horatio surmised.

"A fortuitous side-affect," Mac replied with a nonchalant shrug.

Horatio smiled his slow smile. "You're going to steal my girl away from me," he accused.

Mac grinned. "I hope so – It all depends on Lindsay really. This Steven she's seeing…?"

"Logan, you mean? He's a good guy. They seem happy together…"

"But you're not convinced?" Mac interjected, quickly picking up on the trace of doubt in Horatio's tone.

Horatio shrugged. "He takes care of her – a little too much if you ask me. Her self-confidence obviously suffered a major blow before she came to Miami and Steven… Well, he definitely helped to restore that, but I think he likes that she's still partly dependant on him too."

"Lindsay's a tough cookie," Mac said. "She's had to be. I think maybe she's ready to take back the rest of that control now."

Horatio nodded. "What that will do to her relationship with Steven, I don't know."

"I guess we'll just have to wait and see, won't we?" Mac said.

**OOOOOO**

Danny sat gazing out at the cerulean blue of the ocean, the sun beating down strongly on his back. He was calmer now, more in control of his emotions. It was hard to go back, most of the time he tried not to think about it too much. It didn't do him any good to dwell on the past; he needed to move forward – onward and upward as they said.

His cell rang and he unclipped it from his belt to answer. "Messer…"

"Danny?" Mac's voice sounded in his ear. "Where are you?"

Danny told him.

"I'll be there in fifteen."

Danny sighed as he shut off the phone. His friends' concern was a little too much to take at times. Every time he lost his temper or had a hard time with a case, they watched him like a hawk. They were looking for signs of a relapse, he knew, but he'd moved past that possibility now. Things had caved in on him for a while, but he'd come out the other end stronger for it. He could deal and he did. He wouldn't let things hit rock-bottom again.

"I'm fine," he said as Mac sat down beside him fifteen minutes later. "You don't have to freak out every time I lose my head a little, you know."

"I know."

"So why do I feel like I'm under constant surveillance?"

"Because we care, Danny," Mac said with a rare show of emotion. "And because we feel as if we handled it wrong before."

"There was nothing you could have done, Mac. I probably wouldn't have listened anyway. Flack tried to get through to me, Lindsay too – I pushed them both away." He broke off and sighed. "She was upset."

"You think she can see what you did to yourself and not be?" Mac asked. "I think Lindsay – like the rest of us – is always going to look back and think 'what if?' More so than the rest of us, I imagine, because she was the one closest to you and the one who ultimately walked away."

"Not without good reason," Danny pointed out.

"I'm not disputing that. But I think it must be hard to look at you now and not feel some kind of guilt."

Danny shook his head. "I shouldn't have come here. I thought that I could make it right, but I'm just making it worse. She doesn't need this, she doesn't need me."

"I think you should let Lindsay decide what she needs, Danny."

"And you really think that's me?" Danny asked.

Mac shrugged. "It doesn't matter what I think. It's how Lindsay feels that counts."

Danny shook his head. "I cheated on her, Mac. I broke her heart."

"I know."

"So why should I get a second chance, huh? I don't deserve it."

"Everyone deserves a second chance as long as they're genuinely remorseful. Making the same mistake twice? Well, that's a different story, but I don't think you're going to do that. You've changed, Danny. You at least think a little before you act nowadays."

Danny grinned at that. "Maybe," he acknowledged, "But I'm never going to be Mr Reliable like this Steven guy, am I?"

"Lindsay knew who you were before she fell in love with you," Mac pointed out. "If that's what she was looking for in a partner then why did she get involved with you in the first place? It was more than just a fling – she has more sense than to risk her career for something casual."

Danny sighed, recognising the truth in Mac's statement. "I don't know what to do, Mac. I don't want to pressure her, but I don't want to sit back and do nothing either. I want her back and if there's a chance that she might want the same thing then…" he trailed off and shook his head.

"Just tell her that, Danny," Mac advised, "And then step back, give her some space and let her make up her own mind."

"And if she chooses him?"

"Then you'll have to learn to accept it and move on."

Danny nodded and returned his gaze to the ocean. "I wish it were that easy. I don't want to live my life weighed down by regret, but Lindsay got under my skin like no-one else and I don't know how to let that go."

Mac had no response to that. He could relate. Claire would be part of him forever. He could move on, be with someone else, but there would always be this hole inside of him, a hole that only his wife could fill. There was nothing he could say to reassure the younger detective that he wouldn't always feel this way so he remained silent and simply offered his unspoken support by his continued presence.

**OOOOOO**

_**Meanwhile, across town…**_

"Hey beautiful!"

Steven Logan looked up from his desk and smiled at his girlfriend who was standing hesitantly in the doorway of his office. "What are you doing here?"

With some reluctance, Lindsay pushed the door shut behind her and crossed to sit opposite him. She wasn't exactly relishing the upcoming conversation. "We need to talk," she said resignedly.

"About what?" Steven asked, leaning back in his chair and surveying her with narrowed eyes.

Lindsay looked down at her hands. "I think… I think that we should stop seeing each other for a while."

"I see," Steven said heavily. "I thought you weren't going to let him get to you, Lindsay."

She raised her gaze to his, her eyes sorrowful. "It's not like that, Steven – no matter what you think. I just… I need some space to figure things out. I got involved with you too soon after…"

She stopped for a moment and then continued on in a steadier tone. "It was too soon," she reiterated. "I need some time. I need to spend some time with Danny, but I don't want to feel like I'm betraying you when I do. I do love you, Steven, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't still have feelings for him too."

"So what? You're going to break things off with me, pick things up with him again, see how it goes and then come back to me if it all falls apart? It doesn't work like that, Lindsay."

Lindsay felt her hackles rise at Steven's patronising tone. "I know that. That isn't what I'm suggesting _and_ you know it. I'm just asking for some space to decide what it is that I want."

Steven shook his head in disbelief. "You still think you have some sort of choice to make?"

Lindsay sighed, the truth hitting her with the force of a runaway freight train. "Yes, I do. I'm sorry, I don't think I fully realised that until now. When I got involved with you, I thought there was no going back, but when Danny sent me that letter a few months ago… well, I started to question things. If I'm being honest, I've been feeling unsettled for a while. I just didn't know how to tell you."

Steven bit his lip in an attempt to control his rising irritation. "Don't do this, Lindsay. Just… don't ok?"

"I have to. Don't you see? If I don't deal with this now, I'm never going to move forward – with you, with Danny or anyone. I feel like I'm spinning in circles. When we talked last night, it was just you and me, and it was easy to accept that being with you was what I wanted. But it's not that black and white, Steven. I just need to slow things down a little, to stand still for a while to work out where I'm at. I know this is a big ask, but it's something I need to do."

Steven's lips tightened. "So Messer wins?" he spat out. "Is that it?"

"It's not a case of winning or losing," Lindsay responded quietly, "This is not a competition. I have to decide what it is that _I_ want."

Steven pushed back his chair and rose to his feet. "I don't know why you feel the need to do this. What we have together is good. You should be focusing on that."

Lindsay closed her eyes for a few seconds to curtail her frustration. Sometimes he could be so stubborn, only hearing what he wanted to hear and not what was actually being said. "Last night, you said you wanted all of me, Steven," she said carefully. "Well, trust me; this is the only way you're going to get it. If I don't do this then part of me is always going to belong to Danny, whether you like it or not."

"So I can take it or leave it? Is that it?"

"If that's the way you want to view things then yes, I suppose it is." Lindsay rose to her feet and stooped to gather her purse. "I should go. There's no point us going round in circles with this."

"Lindsay, look – wait!" Steven quickly came around the other side of the desk and grabbed hold of her arm. "You're determined to do this, aren't you?" he said when her gaze lifted to meet his.

"Yes I am; I'm sorry," she replied before her expression softened. Reaching up on tip-toes, she cupped his face and lightly kissed him on the lips. "I'll call you, okay?"

He squeezed her hand. "I love you."

She stroked the backs of her fingers down the side of his face. "I know," she said softly. Then, after gently touching the tips of her fingers to his lips, she turned for the door.

"Call me if you change your mind, okay?" Steven called after her.

Lindsay didn't answer; she kept on walking towards the elevator and didn't look back. Stepping from the air-conditioned cool of the office block into the Miami heat a few minutes later, she felt considerably lighter of heart and mind. She hadn't realised how much her obligations to Steven had been affecting her ability to think straight. She no longer felt like she was being pulled in two different directions. Instead, she was finally free to make an informed decision about what she wanted from her life.

Fishing out her cell from her purse, she selected a familiar number from the address book with a few deft movements of her thumb, and then lifted the phone to her ear. "Hey!" she said when the person on the other end picked up. "Can we meet?"

_**To be continued…**_


	4. Friends and Lovers

**WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN**

**Disclaimer: **The characters in CSI: New York and CSI: Miami do not belong to me. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.

**Summary: **After her and Danny's difficult break-up, Lindsay Monroe is transferred to the Miami Crime Lab. Two years later and the past comes knocking on her door…

**Notes: **Hi! New update for you. Not such a big gap between chapters this time around thankfully, although still a little longer than I had planned. Hope you enjoy! Warning: Girl talk ahead…!

**OOOOOO**

_**Part 4**__** – Friends and Lovers**_

"So do you think I'm crazy?" Lindsay asked her companion as the waiter set the second cocktail down on the table in front of her.

"What? Jeopardising your relationship with a multi-millionaire over a second-grade detective from the NYPD? Of course not…"

Calleigh Ducaine shook her head, her silky mane of blonde hair swinging from side to side with the movement. "Although I doubt many of the patrons of this particular establishment would agree with me," she added with a grin.

Lindsay laughed. They were sitting outside at a popular beach-front bar - a subsidiary of one of Steven's nightclubs and a regular haunt of the rich and oft-times famous. All around them bikini-clad beauties promenaded up and down the sidewalk, unashamedly displaying their attributes to anyone who would take notice. The two female CSIs frequented the place for more mundane reasons than their scantily-dressed counterparts however. Rather than a pathological need to catch the eye of some passing rich guy, the excellent cocktails and the superior seafood salad was what drew them in.

Lindsay sipped at her Cosmopolitan. "Well, I think I'm crazy," she said, removing the cherry from her drink and popping it into her mouth. "Steven's a great guy – kind, funny and totally unaffected by his wealth – everything a woman could wish for in a man."

"But he doesn't stir you up in quite the same way that Danny does, huh?" Calleigh remarked with a knowing twinkle in her eye.

Lindsay blushed at her friend's unerring astuteness. "No, no he doesn't," she admitted, then sighed. "That sounds awful, doesn't it? I mean it's not as if Steven's lacking in the… umm… bedroom department if you get what I mean. It's just that…"

"Your ex is so much better at it?" Calleigh cut in with a cheeky grin.

Lindsay laughed at her colleague's unashamed bluntness. "No, not better. Just…" She shrugged, her face flushing an even brighter shade of pink. "Well… you know..."

Calleigh smiled. "There's no fighting chemistry, huh?"

Her cheeks still burning, Lindsay took another sip of her drink and felt the alcohol buzz pleasantly through her veins. "God, I'm so shallow," she declared.

Calleigh laughed. "No, you're not," she reassured her friend. "There was more to your relationship with Danny than just great sex, right?"

"Of course there was," Lindsay replied. "But that didn't stop him from cheating on me, did it?" she added bitterly.

"No, but something tells me there was more to that than him just having his cake and eating it."

Lindsay nodded before filling Calleigh in on a few more of the specifics. When she'd finished her story, she sat back in her chair while her friend took a long, contemplative sip of her drink.

"So you're saying you didn't know any of this until a month ago?" Calleigh eventually enquired.

Lindsay shook her head. "No. I knew he wasn't himself, but I didn't realise how close to the edge he'd gotten. I don't think anyone did."

"And you believe he's honestly sorry for the way he treated you?"

Lindsay nodded. "Yes," she said with a sigh. "But part of me wishes I didn't. It would be a whole lot simpler if I could just stay mad at him."

"So you think he wants a second chance with you then?" Calleigh asked.

"I don't know," Lindsay replied, and then let out a rueful laugh. "See? I _am_ crazy. I've turned this whole thing into a huge deal with Steven and I don't even know whether Danny wants me back or whether he just wants my forgiveness for the way things ended between us."

"That's not the point, Lindsay," Calleigh said. "At the end of the day, this is about how _you_ feel, not how they do."

"I know, I know," Lindsay said. "I got involved with Steven too soon," she admitted candidly. "I hadn't gotten over Danny properly and now everything is so mixed up and confused. I never understood women who claimed to be in love with two men at the same time, but now I can see how it can happen. I'm happy with Steven but Danny… he still gets to me, however hard I try to pretend he doesn't."

"You were in love with him," Calleigh said, stating the obvious.

"Yes," Lindsay acknowledged with tilt of her head. "Totally. Utterly. And I was so mad at myself for that. It's not as if he made me any promises. We were 'casually exclusive' if there is such a thing. It's partly my fault that I got so hurt."

"No it wasn't," Calleigh said firmly. "Casually exclusive or not, the guy owed you more respect than he showed you, Lindsay."

Lindsay sighed. "I know that; I do. I'm not trying to make excuses for him, honestly. It's just that… at the time, it was like he was a completely different person to the one I knew. But now… now he's back to the man I fell in love with again and that scares me, Calleigh."

"Because if he decides he wants you, you're not sure you can resist?"

"Exactly," Lindsay replied.

"Then I guess cooling things with Steven was the right decision," Calleigh said. "You can't give him what he wants if you still have feelings for someone else."

"You don't think I'm asking too much of him?" Lindsay enquired. "Expecting him to wait while I get my head straight, I mean?"

Calleigh shrugged. "You're just being honest. Under the circumstances, that's all you can be. It wasn't as if he didn't know you had issues when the two of you first got involved, is it?"

"But I should be over them by now, shouldn't I?"

"Why? Heartbreak like that – it doesn't just vanish overnight – especially not when so much was left unresolved between the two of you. I think that Steven is so used to getting what he wants, he can't see that."

"He never pressured me to commit before I was ready though," Lindsay reasoned, "At least not until recently anyway."

"So what was with the whole wining and dining routine then, huh? What about the bouquets of flowers he keeps sending you? Not to mention all the other gifts he showers you with on a regular basis."

"That's just who he is, Calleigh."

"It's still pressure, Lindsay. Subtle, yes, but it's a pretty effective way of getting the point across, isn't it? Look at me - aren't I just the perfect guy? I don't lie, I don't cheat. I'm everything you ever wanted so why the hesitation?"

Lindsay was a little taken aback at her friend's uncharacteristic cynicism. "I thought you liked him," she said.

Calleigh sighed. "I do, I do, don't get me wrong. I think, in essentials, Steven's a good man. I'm just saying that this ideal boyfriend image he likes to project, it's not without its guile. He's selling you what he thinks you want - the complete antithesis of the guy who broke your heart."

Lindsay was quiet as she absorbed that. It wasn't as if the same thought hadn't crossed her mind in her more uncharitable moments. Steven's almost arrogant confidence that he was the perfect man for her had often been of a concern to her. It had just seemed so incomprehensible to make an issue out of it. I mean what was she supposed to say? I wish you treated me badly sometimes? How insane was that?

And yet… she thought back to the way she and Danny had started out. He, like Steven, was a guy who possessed charm in spades, but there was something so refreshingly real about him too. He hadn't always said the right thing, for instance - poetic words were an almost alien concept to him in fact. Plus, his idea of a romantic date was a ball game and dinner at a pizza joint afterwards.

In contrast, Steven had taken her to the most exclusive restaurants in town and bombarded her with endless romantic gifts. Their first night together had taken place in a penthouse suite, complete with champagne, silk sheets and a dozen red roses. With Danny, it had been whiskey shots, a pool table and a single daisy in a chipped glass the next morning.

How could she have fallen for two such different men? It was inexplicable to her sometimes. She'd loved them both; there was no question in her mind about that. But, who had she loved more? Who did she love now? And which one, if either, would be sharing her future?

She wished she knew the answer.

**OOOOOO**

Lost in his thoughts, Danny was almost upon them before he became aware of their presence. As his gaze registered the familiar blonde, he raised his hand in friendly greeting and then froze when her companion turned in her seat to look at him. Brown eyes met blue and the world ground to an abrupt halt.

Calleigh observed how Lindsay's fingers tightened on the stem of her cocktail glass at her ex-boyfriend's approach. Couple that with the way the two of them were looking at each other now... As conflicted as her friend obviously was about the two men in her life, there was no denying the devastating effect this particular one had on her.

Calleigh could understand it, of course. The rough New York charm and piercing blue eyes were enough to get any woman's pulse racing. Add that to the razor sharp intelligence and a well-developed sense of humour and you had what anyone would term a definite prospect. Right now, the tension between him and Lindsay was electric. Time for an opportune exit, she decided.

"Well, I should get going," she said, glancing pointedly at her watch. "I told Eric I'd meet him at the firing range at two. He still thinks he can beat me at target practice but as I always tell him…"

"Never bet against a ballistics expert," Lindsay finished with a grin. "You're such a hustler," she teased.

"Sounds like someone else I know," Danny remarked blandly and was suitably gratified when his ex-girlfriend blushed scarlet, obviously not missing his subtle reference to one particularly memorable wager of theirs – a bet that he'd managed to win by virtue of losing.

Taking in Lindsay's flaming cheeks and the sudden, wicked twinkle that had entered Danny's blue eyes, Calleigh was burning with curiosity, but unfortunately good manners got the better of her. "I'm not sure I want to know," she remarked with heavy irony and had to suppress a grin when she saw Danny's eyebrows rise in disbelief at her statement.

It was no good. However much she didn't want to, she liked this guy. He had done the dirty on her friend in the worst way imaginable and normally that would make him persona non-grata in her eyes. Yet this man somehow had the ability to circumvent all that. Lindsay obviously still believed in his integrity, despite what he'd put her through, and if she was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt then so was Calleigh. He had something; she couldn't deny that - a kind of rough and ready sincerity that the ultra-smooth Steven simply didn't possess.

"Well, I'll see you around," she said, handing Lindsay a twenty-dollar note to cover her share of the bill before turning to leave.

"Hey!" she said, looking back at Danny as an idea suddenly occurred to her. "We've got a Lab night out tonight, why don't you come along? Bring Detective Taylor too."

"Erm…" Danny hesitated, shooting a questioning look at Lindsay. An evening in the company of his ex and her current boyfriend didn't exactly constitute a fun night out in his opinion, especially not when his breakdown was at the forefront of his mind right now. It wasn't a good idea to put undue emotional pressure on himself in that respect.

"Strictly CSI geeks only," Lindsay said, quickly understanding his reluctance.

Danny relaxed. "Sure, that'd be good," he agreed. "I'll let Mac know."

Calleigh nodded. "Lindsay'll fill you in on the arrangements," she said before she finally took her leave.

Danny watched her go and then turned back to Lindsay. "May I?" he asked, indicating the empty chair opposite her.

Her eyes steady on his, Lindsay nodded. "Sure, go ahead," she said with overstated casualness.

Danny let out the breath he hadn't been aware he'd been holding and sat down. As if by magic, a waiter appeared at his elbow. "Umm…" he glanced at Lindsay's half-empty glass and raised his eyebrows at the frankly girly drink on the table in front of her. Where had his beer and buffalo burger girl gone?

Lindsay's lips quirked up into a smile at his obvious disdain. She shrugged offhandedly. "When in Rome…" she quipped.

"I'll have a beer," Danny told the waiter firmly.

Lindsay laughed and he grinned at her, the palpable tension between them fading at the shared joke. He took a deep breath. "Look, about this morning…"

"I'm sorry," Lindsay interrupted before he could continue. "I shouldn't have brought it up."

"No, no, it's okay. It's not a taboo subject. I just didn't expect it to come out like that, that's all."

Lindsay glanced away from him for a moment, worrying at her bottom lip with her teeth. "I… I feel so guilty…" she started then faltered when he reached across the table and placed his hand over hers.

"Don't be," he said, lightly squeezing her fingers. "We needed to talk about it at some point, didn't we?"

Lindsay gave him a weak smile. "Yes, I suppose we did, but that isn't really what I meant," she replied. "I meant about leaving… when you were… after…"

"I acted like a complete bastard towards you?" Danny filled in when she couldn't find the words to express what she was trying to say. "_That_ you have even less reason to feel guilty about, Lindsay."

"But you were sick…"

"And that absolves me of all blame, does it?" Danny said. He shook his head. "I was still responsible for my own actions. Maybe I wasn't thinking straight at the time, but I hadn't got to the point where I was completely unaware of what I was doing. I just didn't care. Everything else had gone to hell so what was one more thing? Trouble was, it wasn't just myself I was hurting, was it?"

"No." Lindsay blinked back the tears that pricked at the back of her eyelids. Even now his betrayal still stung. "No, it wasn't."

"I am sorry, you know," he told her earnestly.

Lindsay nodded. "I know," she said softly.

"Still doesn't make it all right though, does it?"

Lindsay couldn't deny the truth of that statement. "I guess we just have to find a way to move on from it," she said.

"And would that be together or apart?" Danny asked, throwing caution to the wind despite the warning voice in his head.

Lindsay dropped her gaze from his and shifted uncomfortably in her seat as the tension between them suddenly spiked. "_Danny…_" she protested.

"I've missed you so much." The confession was out before he could prevent it.

Lindsay closed her eyes, trying to shut out the unwelcome emotions rising within her. "Don't. I can't… I don't know, Danny."

She let out a breath, opened her eyes and deliberately levelled her gaze with his. "A few months ago, I thought I knew where my life was headed but now... You… you've turned everything upside down – writing that letter, coming here."

Danny nodded in understanding. "It's alright. I get it," he assured her. "I didn't mean to push, but I can't just let it go either. I know I have no right but if I leave here never having tried…" He stopped, shrugged. "I don't want to live my life always thinking 'what if,' you know?"

Lindsay sighed. "I know. Me neither. But I can't give you an answer right now, Danny. I need to understand what went wrong between us, why you felt you couldn't turn to me." She looked away, her eyes brimming. "I… I can't help wondering what she had that I didn't."

"Linds…" The guilt was like a knife twisting in his stomach.

"No, just let me say it, okay?" she cut in. "I want to understand how it was for you, Danny, I do," she told him sincerely. "But I can't make any promises right now. It's still too raw, too confusing."

"But we're not a completely lost cause?" Danny enquired, feeling a frisson of hope at her words despite their mostly negative tone.

Lindsay drew in a shaky breath. It was now or never. If she offered him that lifeline then she'd have to follow through. There'd be no avoiding the issue, he wouldn't allow her to. She knew from previous experience that he'd give her the space she needed to make her own decision, but a decision would have to be made nevertheless. He wouldn't tolerate any vacillation. Danny was like a dog with a bone when he wanted something, Steven even more so.

She could feel his eyes burning into the top of her head and she couldn't resist their pull. Lifting her gaze to his, she felt her focus narrow to just him - this man who had unexpectedly stolen her heart and had then gone on to break it into a million pieces. The emotions were all there to see in those familiar blue eyes - pain, guilt and apology warred with a silent request for forgiveness and a mute appeal for a second chance.

She sighed. Whichever path she ultimately chose, there was only one honest answer right now. "No," she said quietly and saw a smile blossom on his face in response.

Danny quickly schooled his jubilant expression however, knowing deep down that it wasn't as simple as that. "And Steven?" he asked, getting right to the crux of the matter. They'd spent too long avoiding the difficult issues. If they were going to move forward, they had to learn to confront and deal with them.

"We've decided to take a break from each other," Lindsay explained. "But that doesn't mean it's over. He's an important part of my life and I care about him. He matters, you know? I love him; I just don't know if it's a forever kind of love."

She broke off and shrugged her shoulders. "I have a choice to make. And it's not an easy one, Danny, for so many reasons - not least because I don't know whether I could ever trust you again. I know you're sorry. I know that under normal circumstances you would have never done what you did, but you broke my heart and that's not an easy thing to forget. Steven… Steven's been my rock ever since I've known him and I would trust him with my life. Right now, I can't really say the same about you."

Danny nodded dejectedly. "Nothing like telling it like it is, huh?"

"I'm sorry, that was unnecessarily harsh…"

"No, no, it was the truth," Danny interrupted. "I wish I could tell you that I'd never screw up again, Lindsay, but I can't. I am who I am. Things _have_ changed, believe me, but I guess I'm still the same old Danny Messer underneath."

Lindsay smiled faintly at that. "And there's the but…"

"Huh?"

"I fell in love with _you_, Danny. Flaws and all. You're the long shot, you always were. But you made me feel in a way that no-one ever has before or since. I just don't know whether I'm brave enough to ride that rollercoaster with you again. When I'm with Steven, it's… different – like the tranquillity of sailing in calm waters instead of being tossed about on stormy seas, I suppose. I just need some time to figure out what it is that I want."

Danny nodded. He couldn't ask for more than that, not when it was so much more than he deserved already. "You've got it," he assured her, "But we need to keep talking. I want us to keep talking."

"Okay, I get that, but let's just leave it for today, huh? It's been a tough few days for both of us, I think." She paused. "We used to be such good friends. I think we should start with trying to rediscover that. Tonight's a good opportunity for us to just relax and have a little fun, don't you think?"

Danny smiled. "Works for me," he concurred. "So where are we going then?"

Lindsay grinned. "Well not Sullivan's, that's for sure," she told him with a laugh.

**OOOOOO**

_**Later that night…**_

She wasn't kidding; Danny thought as he looked about the club that she'd directed him and Mac to. The place was like a beach party on speed - all psychedelic lights, thumping music and flowing cocktails.

He was no stranger to the Big Apple nightlife, although he generally preferred the more traditional bars to the ultra elite establishments. For him, they represented the real heart of New York rather than its glossy exterior. This was on a different plane of reality all together however, and Mac, with his unmistakable military bearing, looked phenomenally out of place in Danny's humble opinion,

He grinned. "Not your thing, huh boss?" he quipped, leaning in close to be heard over the grinding music.

"It's an experience," Mac remarked diplomatically. "One I'm reliably informed improves on closer inspection," he added.

Danny eyed the tall, leggy blonde in the nude-coloured, almost see-through dress who squeezed between them to get to the bar. Several swaths of sparkling sequins were the only things preserving her modesty. "Clearly," he remarked, ostensibly appreciating the view even though the days of him picking up such women in bars were long gone.

Mac laughed in spite of himself.

"Subtle, huh?" Danny said as he took a swallow of his drink. "Personally, I like my women more…"

He broke off when he saw her, his jaw almost hitting the floor. Hot damn! It was like being hit with a thousand volt charge. He _always_ forgot. He'd seen her dressed up so rarely, it was like a sucker punch to the gut being confronted with the sheer femaleness of Detective Lindsay Monroe.

The crazy thing was there was nothing overtly dramatic about the way she was dressed. The plum-coloured fifties-style prom dress was neither too short nor too décolleté. It skimmed her tiny figure elegantly, highlighting her slender curves and accenting her cleavage with its fitted bodice and flared skirt. She had accessorised with delicate silver jewellery and her shoulder-length hair was pinned up, save for a cascade of soft honey-brown curls that framed her pretty face. She was subtle sexiness personified, her make-up muted and understated. The only slightly over-the-top thing about her was the three-inch heels that she wore on her feet.

Her eyes scanned her surroundings until they met his and he read the challenge and defiance in her gaze from across the room. She'd done it on purpose, he realised. _This_ was a statement. _This_ was one very effective 'look what you threw away you dumbass idiot' outfit. He got the message, accepted the residual anger behind it, but it also saddened him that his actions were the reason for her misplaced insecurity in the first place.

'_I can't help wondering what she had that I didn't._'

He understood why she felt that way, knew it was pointless telling her that there hadn't ever been any comparison. He'd separated his relationship with Lindsay so completely from the grief bubble that had surrounded him and Rikki that it was as if the two had existed in parallel universes. In the beginning, he'd been a comic-book time-and-dimension traveller ping-ponging back and forth between those two worlds – one home, the other escape - until eventually, inevitably, the two had collided and his world had shattered.

Home was where the heart was though and home was where he wanted to return – which is why he should stop gawking like an idiot, get over there and talk to her. They should relax and learn how to be friends again, isn't that what she'd said that afternoon? Squaring his shoulders, he started to wind his way through the crowds on the dance-floor towards her.

Observing Danny's reaction to her presence from across the room, Lindsay felt an exultant surge of satisfaction. She hadn't intended to make such a purposeful effort with her appearance tonight, but when she'd stood in front of the mirror after her shower, she'd been filled with a sudden desire to show him exactly what he'd been missing these last two years.

"Strike One…" Ryan Wolfe murmured from beside her. The two of them had shared a cab to get here, their apartments being only a block apart. Lindsay turned to look at him and caught the up-raised eyebrow that he aimed in her direction.

"Shut up!" she said, punching him lightly on the upper arm. "It's not like that… It's just… Okay so maybe it _is _like that… Is that bad?" She looked enquiringly at him, her big brown eyes disarmingly disconcerted.

Ryan smiled. "No," he reassured her, "As long as you don't take it too far."

Personally, he thought it was a step in the right direction. The woman standing beside him tonight was a far cry from the emotionally crushed individual he'd first met a couple of years ago. During her first few weeks on the job, she'd been a quiet little mouse, performing her duties with consummate professionalism but always retreating to the sanctuary of her apartment once her shift was over. To wallow in her misery, he later learned. Originally, he'd simply thought her aloof and unapproachable.

He was never quite sure what had prompted him to pick up a take-out pizza and a rental DVD, and land uninvited on her doorstep one night therefore. Curiosity maybe, boredom more than likely – he hadn't much else to do that evening and he knew she lived only a block away. Whatever the reason though, he was glad he did. It had been the start of their friendship, a friendship that he now valued above most others.

She'd opened the door to him that night looking shy and vulnerable with her eyes red-rimmed from crying, and his heart had immediately gone out to her. Ignoring her obvious distress, he had invited himself in, snagged some beer from the fridge and then settled down on the sofa to share the pizza and watch the movie with her. She didn't say or eat much, but neither did she object to his enforced company. By the end of the evening, she'd relaxed enough to make a few sarcastic comments about the unintentionally funny action movie that he had picked out at the rental store.

As he'd been leaving, she'd placed her hand on his arm and looked him straight in the eye, her gaze unwavering. "Thank-you," she said simply, and he'd nodded.

"No problem," he replied, his voice scratchy with sudden embarrassment. "I'll see you tomorrow at work, yeah?"

She'd smiled at him then and it was like the sun bursting through the clouds after a summer storm. "Yeah," she agreed.

As fate would have it, Horatio had assigned them to the same case the following day and he had discovered a woman who was sweet, funny and a little quirky but also smart and remarkably intelligent. They'd gelled in a brother-sister kind of way, and Lindsay, having finally broken out of her self-protective shell, had soon established herself as a part of their team.

Socially that first year, they'd spent a significant amount of extracurricular time together and he knew that without his companionship, she'd have struggled to find her way through her personal heartbreak. He hadn't been seeing anyone seriously at the time so he'd been more than willing to be her 'date-buddy' as Lindsay had once termed their relationship. He liked her; they got on well so he couldn't see any harm in it.

When she'd started seeing Steven, he had been genuinely happy for her. The night-club owner was a decent guy and he treated her well. Ryan had figured that that's what she needed after the car-crash of her last relationship. It was only more recently that he'd started to think that maybe it wasn't necessarily the best thing for her. In contrast to her work life and friendships, she adopted a much more subservient role with Steven. It was as if she was afraid to do anything to upset the apple-cart in case he left her.

Now though – with her personal life once again in a state of turmoil – she'd finally started to take back some of the control. If there was anything to thank Messer for, it was her re-discovered confidence in her relationship choices. Ryan couldn't deny that it was the New Yorker's reappearance in her life that had effected the change. That didn't mean he wasn't still wary about the man's motives though. This was the guy who had shattered her heart and put a massive dent in her self=confidence. He wasn't about to stand by and let that happen again, even if Calleigh had suddenly decided that the Big Apple detective was an ok guy after all. They'd exchanged a few heated words over that earlier that afternoon.

"What the hell did you do that for?" he'd demanded when she'd informed him that she'd invited the two New Yorkers along on their night out.

"Because I think Lindsay and Danny need to spend some time together without the spectre of the past hanging over their heads. If they're out as part of a group, it'll take the pressure off."

"Calleigh – this is the guy that cheated on her, messed with her mind, remember? She transferred to Miami because she couldn't handle being around him after the way he treated her. And now you're encouraging her to be all buddy-buddy with him?"

"Yes because…" Calleigh broke off, realising it wasn't really her place to tell him. "You should talk to Lindsay about this," she advised.

"Why?"

"Because it's not as straightforward as it appears."

"So he didn't sleep with some other woman behind her back?"

"Well yes but…" Calleigh sighed. "Just talk to Lindsay, Ryan. It's not my place to tell you."

He'd confronted Lindsay on the short cab ride over here but hadn't really gained a satisfactory answer from her, much to his frustration.

"It's a long story, Ryan," she'd told him dismissively. "This isn't the time to go into all that."

"Calleigh seems to think that whatever it is, it gets him off the hook."

"She did not say that," Lindsay retorted, knowing her friend wouldn't have been as magnanimous as that, despite the recent softening of her attitude towards Danny.

He shrugged. "As good as."

Lindsay sighed. "It just means he deserves a chance to make it right, that's all," she said. "An unconditional forgive and forget? Well, that's a whole different ball-game."

"But you still have feelings for him?"

"Yes," Lindsay admitted quietly. "But I'm going into this with my eyes wide open, Ryan. I know him, ok?"

She hadn't known he was sleeping with someone else, something he didn't waste any time pointing out to her.

"Subconsciously, I think I knew," she'd replied, refuting his claim. "I just didn't let the actual thought register until I was smacked around the face with it."

The cab had drawn up outside the club then, effectively ending their conversation. As Ryan watched Messer approach now, he tried to establish what the guy's game-plan was. The trouble was the man appeared almost totally guileless. His blue eyes shone with ready affection as he looked at Lindsay. Okay so there was also a healthy dose of masculine appreciation for the appealing woman she was mixed in with that, but, try as he might, Ryan couldn't find a legitimate reason to censure him for that. She was looking pretty hot tonight.

"Hey!" Danny's eyes were entirely on Lindsay's face, Ryan reluctantly noted.

"Hey!" Lindsay returned the greeting, her voice softening slightly.

There was short silence before Danny spoke again. "You look…" He hesitated. "Good," he eventually settled on.

Lindsay's lips curved in an enigmatic smile. "I know," she returned, much to Ryan's astonishment. This was a side to her that he'd never seen before. She was always friendly, but he'd never seen her quite so flirtatiously bold before.

He watched as Danny's lips quirked into a wry smile. "Strike One," he murmured, unconsciously echoing Ryan's comment from earlier.

Lindsay's smile faded a little at that. "I don't want to keep score," she told him seriously.

"I know, I know. But a little anger's good, I think. Healthy."

"It is?" Lindsay was clearly rather sceptical of this philosophy.

Danny nodded. "Yeah, umm…" He broke off. "Look, didn't we say we were going to leave the heavy stuff aside for tonight?"

"Yeah, yeah, we did," Lindsay agreed with a relieved smile.

Hooking a friendly hand through the crook of his arm, she threaded the other through Ryan's and glanced expectantly between the two men.

"So boys," she declared impishly. "How about we get this show on the road?"

_**To be continued…**_


	5. Stormy Reflections

**WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN**

**Disclaimer: **The characters in CSI: New York and CSI: Miami do not belong to me. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.

**Summary: **After her and Danny's difficult break-up, Lindsay Monroe is transferred to the Miami Crime Lab. Two years later and the past comes knocking on her door…

**Notes: **Hi! Hope you all had a great Christmas. Another chapter for you. I was intending for this part to be a little more light-hearted than the last few, but neither Danny nor Lindsay would let me escape the angst – even on a fun night out!

It also occurs to me that this story is now significantly AU when it comes to CSI Miami. As I think I've said before, I was still playing DVD catch-up with that show when I first started writing this, so the character line-up is based on what it was in the episodes I was watching at the time.

Anyway, enough of that, let's get on with the show...

**OOOOOO**

_**Part 5**__** – Stormy Reflections**_

"… And then she took this huge flick knife out of her pocket and – calm as you like – hacked off a piece of the frozen hide as evidence!"

Laughter echoed around the table as Danny paused dramatically in his anecdotal re-telling of Lindsay's first case in New York. The whole thing was more than a little embellished in her opinion, and she duly rolled her eyes at this last statement.

Pursing her lips, she shot him a mischievous sidelong glance from under her lashes. "City boy," she observed acerbically, reflecting back his 'Country girl' comment of the time.

Danny laughed, warmed by her playful attitude. He was enjoying himself for the first time in what seemed like forever. Not only did he have the woman he loved sitting beside him actually acting like she wanted to be there, he was finding the contrast between the cases tackled by the Crime Lab here in Miami, and the ones he regularly worked in New York absolutely fascinating too. He couldn't imagine diving for evidence in the crocodile-infested waters of the Everglades, for instance, but Eric Delko had seemed equally intrigued by his and Hawkes near-fatal dive for treasure in the treacherous currents of the East River.

What's more, Mac's earlier remark about being told the club improved on closer inspection had proved intriguingly accurate when, shortly after their arrival, Lindsay and Wolfe had ushered them through the crowds on the dance-floor to a short flight of steps situated near the bar. The spiralling staircase had led to a small mezzanine level that was host to a bank of three rather non-descript elevators. Stepping inside the middle of the three, they'd descended to a large basement restaurant the size of a small banqueting hall.

One corner of the vast room was devoted to a dance-floor where a live band played a mixture of blues, swing jazz and Hollywood classics, while the rest of the restaurant was filled to the brim with circular tables to accommodate the diners. The food, it turned out, was mostly prepared to order at the large circular workstation in the centre of the cavernous space, the menu an eclectic mix of Asian-inspired dishes and more traditional American fare. Although the atmosphere in the restaurant was lively and the buzz of conversation animated, it was considerably more sedate than the heaving nightclub upstairs. Danny figured they must have installed some state-of-the-art sound-proofing because upstairs the thrum of the bass shook the walls, yet down here you wouldn't even know the place existed.

The waiter arrived with the dessert menu then, and he perused the seemingly endless choices before settling on a delicious-sounding marbled lemon cheesecake with a side-accompaniment of raspberry coulis. His selection made, he absently glanced across at Lindsay sitting next to him, and smiled when he saw her intently studying the menu as if it was a particularly perplexing case-file.

"What?" she asked, looking up as she felt his amused gaze upon her.

"I was just wondering why you were bothering to read it," he remarked with a playful twinkle in his eye. "You always have the same thing."

"No, I don't," she told him a little petulantly. "It might not be on the menu," she protested off his knowing smirk.

Reaching out, he turned the card over and directed her attention to the menu choice about halfway down. Lindsay pouted. "Maybe I fancy a change…"

Danny chuckled. "And pigs might fly..."

She stuck her tongue out at him. "Arrogant jerk," she accused good-naturedly, and then laughed. "Am I really that predictable?" she asked.

"When it comes to chocolate brownies with hot chocolate sauce, yeah, but don't sweat it, babe, I love a woman with a healthy appetite."

"And of course a man's opinion is so vitally important when it comes to a woman's eating choices," Lindsay retorted sarcastically.

"Well, I can reliably inform you that your butt does not look big in that dress," he told her impudently, leaning back in his chair to ostensibly check that out. "So go ahead and splurge in the knowledge that you can do so guilt free."

Lindsay stared at him, open-mouthed, for a moment, but then couldn't prevent the laughter that bubbled out of her at his sheer audaciousness. "You're incorrigible, Messer," she said, punching him lightly on the upper arm.

He grinned at her before turning to the waiter to give his order. After she'd given hers - chocolate brownies with hot chocolate sauce and a side order of vanilla ice-cream – he pushed back his chair and held out his hand to her. "Dance with me."

Lindsay shot a quick glance at the dance-floor before looking back at him with a disconcerted expression on her pretty face. "Danny, I don't think…"

"Friends dance, don't they?" he cut in before she could finish.

"Well, yeah. I guess…" she prevaricated.

"So?" He looked expectantly at her, his hand still outstretched.

Lindsay worried at her bottom lip with her teeth for a moment before finally giving in with a imperceptible nod of her head. As his warm fingers closed around hers though, she immediately began to regret her decision. Steven's words of that morning echoed in her mind as she and Danny threaded their way through the tables towards the dance-floor.

'_So what? You're going to break things off with me, pick things up with him again, see how it goes and then come back to me if it all falls apart?'_

Nothing could be further from her intentions. However, without the barrier of her relationship with Steven between them, her innate attraction for her former love was gradually re-asserting itself. Her nerve-endings were already sparking from the simple feel of his hand holding hers - closer body contact was only going to exacerbate the situation.

"Relax," Danny said as he slid his arm around her waist and pulled her close. "Anybody would think I was about to torture you."

It was pretty much what she felt like, but she forced herself to calm down as he threaded his fingers through hers. It was only a dance after all. "Just because me and Steven are taking a break, doesn't mean that I'd… well, you know," she told him as they circled the dance-floor.

"I wasn't planning on jumping you just yet, Linds," Danny reassured her in a lightly teasing tone. "I know I'm on probation here."

"You've been flirting with me all night," she accused, relaxing into his hold in spite of her inner trepidation.

Danny laughed at that. "I've always flirted with you, Montana," he reminded her. "Come on – a little harmless banter isn't a crime."

"And what if it isn't so harmless?" she asked.

It took a lot of will-power, but he gave her the answer she wanted hear. "Doesn't mean you have to do anything about it, does it?"

"You did," she pointed out with a hitch in her throat.

Danny sighed heavily. "Not exactly."

Lindsay tensed in his arms. "Don't insult me, Danny. I may have been naïve for a whole lot longer than was rational, but I'm not an idiot. She was in your apartment, eating breakfast at seven in the morning, dressed in just…" She closed her eyes, trying to shut out the painful image.

"You're angry…"

Her eyes snapped open, blazing furious fire. "Oh, you think?" she said, her voice low and cutting.

Ignoring the biting sarcasm, Danny sought to placate instead. "You have a right," he said calmly. "I wasn't suggesting you didn't. It's actually good in a weird kind of way."

"Why?"

"Because you barely reacted, Lindsay - you just… left. One minute you were there and then you were gone. Not that the situation wasn't entirely my fault, but I think I'd have preferred you keying my Harley to that. At least then there would have been something substantial to react to. I didn't have the strength to push my way through a wall of nothing."

"And you think I did?" Lindsay demanded. "I wanted to be angry with you, Danny, but I was just too numb. I'd spent weeks worrying about you. I'd given you the space you said you needed even though it made me feel so lonely. And then you were there… With her instead of me… And I… I just wanted to get as far away from you as possible. I thought if I put enough distance between us, I could make the pain of rejection go away. Needless to say, it didn't work."

"But you've built yourself a whole new life here..."

"I've tried to, yes."

"But?"

"But, there's always been this seed of doubt inside of me. That I wouldn't be good enough, that it'd all end up as it did before. I thought you wanted to be alone, Danny, but really you just didn't want to be with me."

Danny shook his head in denial. "That's not true, I didn't know _how_ to be with you, there's a difference. With Rikki, it was easier somehow…" He broke off, let out a short, humourless laugh. "It sounds crazy, doesn't it? You were one of my closest friends and I couldn't talk to you. But Rikki… I felt so responsible. For Ruben, what happened, it… it was a bad judgement call on my part."

"You don't know that," Lindsay said, sympathy for his plight filling her in spite of her own hurt. "Not for certain."

Danny sighed. "It doesn't matter anyway. The point is that it felt like I was the one who pulled the trigger. I was the one responsible for ripping out a mother's heart."

"So what? You had to sacrifice your own to make up for it?"

"Something like that, I guess." His shoulders lifted in a poignant shrug. "Divine retribution, I think they call it."

"Oh Danny…"

"Pretty messed up, huh?"

"You know what hurt the most?" she said.

He shook his head.

"That apparently my feelings didn't come into it - you never even seemed to consider them. It was all about _her_ and the way she was feeling."

Danny hesitated before deciding honesty was the best policy no matter how much emotional damage it might cause. "It was," he replied. "But not because I didn't care about you… It's just that making things up to Rikki became my whole reason for being. I couldn't give her back Ruben, but I could try to make it better somehow. She didn't have to be so alone."

"But it was just fine for me to be, huh?"

"Lindsay…"

"She'd lost her son, I get it. It was a horrible, tragic thing to happen - but it doesn't change the fact that I should have mattered more to you, Danny."

"You did… you do," he told her earnestly, unintentionally tightening his hold on her in his need to assure her of that. "But, at the time, I couldn't see beyond my guilt over Ruben."

"And that justified sleeping with his mother behind my back?"

"No, no of course not. I didn't plan it, it just happened…"

"Right," Lindsay scoffed. "It 'just happened' several times over, did it?"

Danny made a sound of frustration in the back of his throat. "All right so that was a clichéd excuse," he admitted shamefacedly. "I know it. I…"

He paused, knowing what he was about to say would probably only cement his guilt further. There was nothing for it though. If they were going to work through this, he had to lay out all the cards on the table in front of them.

"I blanked you out of my mind, okay? I refused to think about what I was doing to you because being with her – it was finally a way I could pay back some of what I owed her. I lied to myself, pretended that we weren't that serious anyway so it didn't matter. And then you left and… well, that's when the bubble burst for me. I could no longer ignore the pain I'd caused you – though I tried my damnedest to even then. Nor could I carry on pretending that Rikki was the woman I wanted to be with. I'd messed up the best relationship I'd ever had and for what? For a boy I couldn't bring back and for a grieving woman I could never love. When Rikki left for Michigan, my life just spiralled out of control. The next few weeks are still a blur even now."

Lindsay stiffened as the implications of what he'd just revealed began to sink in. "Rikki left you?" she asked, her voice strained.

"I told her to go," Danny interjected quickly, lest she got the wrong idea. "I think she was hoping that I'd ask her to stay, but I couldn't do that. I knew continuing the way we were was unhealthy for both of us. It had to end; there was no other choice by then. Guilt over what happened to Ruben wasn't the only thing on my conscience anymore. It was too little, too late, but I couldn't deny the truth any longer. The next thing I remember clearly is waking up in the hospital after I'd trashed my apartment."

Lindsay was quiet as she took a moment to absorb all that he'd told her. "I don't know what to say," she confessed, her gaze downcast.

"You don't have to say anything."

"We said we weren't going to do this tonight," she sighed.

"I know…"

"But it's hard, Danny…" She lifted her gaze to his, her expression as unreadable to him as ever. "I've had all these unanswered questions inside of me for two years. And now you're here, no longer a closed book and I have to know… I just… I need to know."

Danny nodded. "I understand that, but the next part…" He trailed off, glanced around the crowded room. "I can't, not here. It's… I… I'm sorry. I can't." He closed his eyes and sucked in a breath, losing his grip on his emotions as painful memories of the past unexpectedly crashed in on him.

"It's ok, it's ok - we can stop now." Lindsay reached out and soothingly stroked his cheek with the backs of her fingers, slightly ashamed that she hadn't seen the tell-tale signs of strain on his face. This was hard for him, to talk to her like this. She should have known that. Naturally taciturn, he was expending a lot of emotional energy to be so open with her. In fact, she was astounded that he was managing such eloquence considering. "You're doing great," she assured him.

He must have heard the note of astonishment in her voice for his lips twisted into an ironic smile. "Side-effect of therapy," he told her.

"I'm not sure I understand…"

"I'd hit rock-bottom, Lindsay, my life was a disaster-zone. I still had people who cared about me though. Some of the patients in that place – they had a visitor once a week, if that. I think somebody came by to see me every day. It took me some time, but I finally realised that I wanted to get better. Therapy was my only route out of the black hole I was in, so I figured I just had to bite the bullet and go for it."

"All or nothing, huh?"

"All or nothing," he confirmed.

And that was the true mettle of the man she had fallen in love with - a man with the ability to summon up the strength to make the hard choices and stick with them, even when the path to the finish line was a slow and difficult mountainous trek.

She smiled at him. "So should I start expecting you to quote poetry instead of base-ball scores now that you're so in touch with your emotions?" she asked teasingly.

Danny laughed, the tension in him easing at her deliberate change in mood. "That might be going a bit far. Although I do know a few dirty limericks Flack's Irish cousin taught us once…"

Lindsay giggled. "Yeah, I bet you do."

"Wanna hear them?"

She laughed again. "I think I'll pass…"

"Danny? Lindsay?"

They turned; their attention shifting at the sound of Mac's questioning voice.

"They brought the desserts. Did you still want yours?"

"Sure Mac, we'll be there in a minute," Danny replied, but didn't release his hold on Lindsay right away. "Are we still ok?" he asked when their boss had returned to the table.

"We're getting there," she assured him.

Danny nodded before absently reaching out to brush a stray strand of her hair out of her eyes. "I know that I may not get everything I want," he told her earnestly, "But I hope that whatever happens we can make our peace before I go back to New York."

The unconsciously tender touch had sent shivers down her spine and the raw, honest emotion in his words only served to increase the pull. She had to clamp down on the desire to lean forward and press her lips to his. It was a kiss of reassurance that she wanted to offer, a physical statement of forgiveness that would say so much more than words. What it might lead to caused her to hold back however. The passion that still lay between them had already exploded once that way, and it was a mistake she didn't want to repeat. Placing her hand over his heart instead, she offered the words in lieu of the gesture.

"I hope so too, Danny," she told him sincerely. "I really do."

**OOOOOO**

The next day dawned hot and muggy. There was a storm brewing, you could feel it hanging heavy in the air. The wind was picking up, the sky a leaden grey instead of its usual azure blue.

"Glad I'm no longer a beat cop," Ryan Wolfe observed as he helped Lindsay shift her pool-side furniture into its store-shed. "Days like this – tempers get frayed and public and domestic disturbances go through the roof."

"I can imagine." Tossing the last cushion inside, Lindsay locked and secured the door and then turned back toward her apartment. "Coffee?" she enquired of her companion.

"I thought you'd never ask. Do I get breakfast too?"

"You show up unannounced at seven in the morning; you're supposed to bring breakfast with you."

"Don't know who made up that rule," Ryan replied, and then grinned impudently at her. "Come on, Lindsay, I know you. Your kitchen is an all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet."

It was Danny who had gotten her started her on that, she realised, as she split and set aside several blueberry bagels to toast. Breakfast was a big deal to him. He'd always insisted on taking her out for brunch after a shared night-shift, for instance. He'd made her pancakes after she'd spent the night at his place too, or run down to pick up some sweet pastries and hot, strong coffee from the Italian bakery on the corner if he wasn't in the mood to cook. She wasn't sure whether it was his upbringing, or simply because he'd lived in New York all his life where every conceivable food was available 24/7. Whatever the reason, she'd adopted his propensity for making breakfast the most important meal of the day, and it was a habit that had stuck with her even after they'd split.

The residents of Miami were a little more health conscious than their Big Apple counterparts however, so in deference to that, she withdrew an array of fresh fruit from her refrigerator and set about making a salad to go with the carb-laden bagels. Ryan sat on one of the stools at the breakfast bar and watched as she sliced fresh mango and pineapple with a deft hand and a sharp knife.

"So, are you going to tell me why Casanova gets a second chance or do I have to sweat it out of you?" he asked as he sipped his coffee.

"Ryan…"

"Look – you're my friend, okay? I care about you. And it worries me that you're letting this guy back into your life so easily. I remember how broken you were when you first came here. Maybe Calleigh can be philosophical about this, but I can't. She doesn't know the whole truth, does she? She wasn't the one who had to rescue your sorry ass on numerous occasions if I recall."

Lindsay sighed. He'd seen her at her worst, that much was true. Most of the time she'd been able to hold it together, but every so often it had all crashed in on her. Her self-esteem had been at an all time low, her heart shattered and she was lonely as hell. She missed her friends, her work colleagues - she even missed Danny in spite of what he'd done to her. Drowning out the emotional agony with alcohol had seemed like a good idea at the time.

The next morning however, she'd always regretted it. In addition to the vicious hangover she had to endure, there was the hazy recollection of her behaviour while she was under the influence to contend with too. Throwing herself at any guy who showed even a flicker of interest in her wasn't something she was proud of, but she'd been unable to prevent herself from seeking the attention. The need to feel attractive again had run roughshod over her self-respect and prompted her uncharacteristic forwardness.

Fortunately, she had the man sitting opposite her to thank for the fact that it had never led to anything more than an alcohol-fuelled grope on the dance-floor. Ryan always seemed to be there, ready to step in before things got out of hand. He'd ensured that she got home safely - and alone. He'd held back her hair when she'd thrown up, rubbed her back while she'd vented her heartbreak in gut-wrenching sobs, and then tucked her into bed after she'd physically and emotionally exhausted herself.

Three months in and she'd eventually started to come back to herself. The self-destructive behaviour had ceased and Ryan became her saviour in a different way. He made her laugh. She went out for the evening in his company and had a good time. Slowly but surely she'd built a new life for herself, acquiring a new circle of friends, and then, in time, a new boyfriend in the shape of Steven.

"Look, I know he made some mistakes…" she said to Ryan now.

"Some?" he interrupted with a derisive snort, as he helped himself to a generous dollop of the Greek yogurt and honey mixture she'd prepared to serve with the chopped-up fruit.

Not wanting to get into a pointless debate over the rights and wrongs of Danny's conduct towards her, Lindsay ignored the scathing comment and continued on. "But he's a good man at heart. He lost his way for a while, that's all. Bad things happened and it all got too much for him. _Really _got too much for him, I mean - as in having a nervous breakdown too much."

Ryan paused with his spoon halfway to his mouth at this revelation. "You're kidding?"

"No, I'm not, so just cut him some slack, ok? I'm not saying it excuses what he did, because it doesn't, but he wasn't himself and I know he's truly sorry for the way he hurt me."

"I take it you didn't know about his breakdown."

Lindsay shook her head. "No, not until recently. He sent me a letter about six weeks ago explaining the situation."

"Why'd he wait so long to tell you?"

"I don't know; we haven't gotten to that part yet. At first, I think he was simply concentrating on getting better. After that, I'm not really sure why he didn't contact me. I don't know whether I would have responded if he had anyway. Not back then."

"You're talking to him now though," Ryan pointed out.

"Only because I was forced into it," Lindsay replied, "Before he came here, I was determined that the past should remain in the past. The way I saw it, I was happy with Steven so why rock the boat?"

"And now?" Ryan prompted.

Lindsay sighed. "And now I realise I was kidding myself. Danny's letter was always in the back of my mind even though I tried not to let it affect me. It was already causing me to question things about my relationship with Steven."

"Like what?"

She shrugged. "Like whether it was all a bit _too_ perfect between us? I mean I love being with him, but sometimes I wonder whether he's for real. He never puts a foot wrong. He's so in control, so sure that we're right for each other that I get swept along with it before I even know what I'm doing."

"And that bothers you?"

"Not at first, it didn't. I needed that security blanket, I guess. If he was the one calling the shots, it meant that I always knew where I stood with him. I didn't have to second guess how he felt about me."

"So what changed?"

"Me, I suppose," Lindsay said with another shrug. "Getting that letter from Danny brought a lot of unresolved issues back to the surface for me. I thought I was just a game to him, you see, an interesting diversion until something better came along. But I was wrong – I'd meant more to him, I know that now. He didn't have to write to me. We no longer inhabited the same city. He could have moved on with his life and never given me another thought. The fact that he took the time and the trouble to write me that letter proved that his feelings for me were genuine."

"Or maybe he just wanted to off-load his guilt."

Lindsay inclined her head at that. "Maybe, but there were easier ways to do that than the one he chose," she said. "A quick email would have sufficed. A handwritten letter says a great deal more. This is Danny Messer after all – Mr Reticent when it comes to expressing that type of emotion. Trust me; that letter did not flow easily onto the page. It must have taken him hours to write. And the words were all his, Ryan. There was way too much of him in them for anyone to have told him what to say."

Ryan studied her for a long moment, and then shook his head in defeat. "You've already forgiven him," he said.

Lindsay nodded. "I guess I have. That's the easy part. What I'm trying to figure out right now is whether I can trust him again."

"And where does Steven fit into all of this?"

"I've got things to figure out about my relationship with him too. He and Danny – they each appeal to a different part of me. I just need to work out which one of them fits best."

"Well, Messer's clearly the one who gets you the most stirred up…"

Remembering her body's traitorous reaction to a simple touch of his hand the previous evening, Lindsay acknowledged that fact with a wry smile. "But sex with Steven is great too," she added.

Ryan grimaced. "Okay, too much information," he protested, holding up his hands to ward off any more revelations of that ilk. "You're like my sister; I don't want to think about you doing _that_ with either of them."

Lindsay laughed. "You started it," she retorted, "But we'll leave the sex talk to Calleigh if you prefer."

Ryan frowned in consternation. "You women don't really go into all the intimate details, do you?" he asked.

"You men don't really score women out of ten in your little black books, do you?" Lindsay immediately countered.

"I haven't done that since High School!" Ryan objected. "All right; maybe college," he amended off her raised eyebrow.

Lindsay giggled, and he grinned at her before his expression sobered again. "Just promise me you'll be careful," he urged. "I don't want to see you hurt again."

"I don't want to be hurt again either, Ryan."

"So why are you risking letting him back into your life?"

Lindsay sighed. "Because he meant a lot to me, because he's not a monster despite what he did. Because I've never known another man like Danny and I want to give him a fair chance. If I don't, I know I'll regret it – either because we could have ended up together and didn't, or because I'd always look back and wonder what might have been. This way, I'll know for sure."

"I suppose there's some logic to that," Ryan admitted reluctantly.

Lindsay smiled. "It means a lot to me that you're so concerned, but there really is no need to worry. I know what I'm doing. For the first time in a very long time, I'm clear about the direction I'm taking. Maybe I don't know what I want yet, but I know I'm on the right path to finding out."

"So you're not just handing out 'get out of jail free' cards then."

"No, penance is mandatory," Lindsay quipped then laughed. "Look - Danny's a good guy, Ryan. Maybe you should try to get to know him a little better. It might ease your mind. You never know, you could actually end up liking him."

"Mmm…" was Ryan's only response and Lindsay decided to let it go at that. It was down to Danny to prove himself in the end, defending him ad nauseam to her friends wasn't going to cut it, they had to make up their own minds about the honesty of his intentions towards her.

And she, in turn, had to make up her own mind about the integrity of his heart. She believed he was sincere in his regret for the way he'd treated her. She also believed he genuinely thought he was still in love with her. She just wasn't sure whether that regard was a result of a guilt-laden fantasy he'd built up over the previous two years, or whether it came from a place inside of him that was honest and true. Only by continuing to talk to him would she discover the truth. And then, when she finally had her answer, she had to decide whether it was enough of a reason to give him a second chance.

**OOOOOO**

_**Later that **__**afternoon…**_

"How close is your hotel?" Lindsay asked, looking apprehensively at the dark, almost black sky on the horizon.

The howling wind was buffeting the car a little more than was comfortable, and dislodged twigs and leaves from the surrounding trees were swirling around outside like bizarre confetti. The advancing storm was marching steadily towards them, occasional flashes of lightening and cracks of thunder announcing its ominous approach.

Danny glanced across at Lindsay from the driver's seat. They were returning from questioning a hitherto undiscovered witness and were finally starting to make some headway with the case. Right now though, the driving conditions were making him more than a little nervous, he had to admit. "Hurricane?" he asked shortly.

She shook her head. "They didn't forecast it so I don't think so. It looks like it's gonna be pretty wild though. It might be sensible to seek shelter until it's passed over. It's another twenty minutes drive back to the Lab and that thing…" She indicated the band of rain sweeping relentlessly towards them. "…will be upon us before then."

"Hotel's a block and a half from here," he informed her.

"Do it," Lindsay instructed tersely, and then made a grab for the handle on the passenger seat door as he swiftly obeyed, cutting across two lines of traffic to execute a hasty and rather reckless left turn.

A couple of car horns blared from behind them at the unexpected manoeuvre, but she was beyond caring. Rain walks were fine, even pleasant. She did not fancy being in this car when that storm hit however. Five minutes later, she breathed a sigh of relief as Danny smoothly drove the car down the ramp into the hotel's basement car-lot.

His own nerves stretched tight by the effort required to maintain full control of the vehicle in the wind; Danny let out his breath with a whoosh as he killed the engine and sat back in his seat.

"My room's on the ground floor," he told Lindsay as he flexed his fingers to relieve the ache that his tense grip on the steering wheel had caused.

"They'll have already secured the shutters for you," she said as she released her seatbelt and opened the passenger-side door. "They're usually pretty organised in a storm."

"I'll call Mac to let him know where we are," Danny said, as he followed her lead and got out the car. Popping the trunk, he retrieved his kit and hers, and then unhooked his cell from his belt and selected the appropriate speed-dial.

Her heart-rate slowly returning to normal, Lindsay listened with only half an ear to his conversation with Mac as she followed him up a flight of stairs and along a carpeted corridor to room number 164. With the phone still held to his ear, Danny passed her his key-card and she swiped them into the room, entering ahead of him and depositing her kit on the floor near the door before flicking on the light to take in her surroundings.

The room was surprisingly large, almost a suite. An extensive fitted closet and antique wooden desk unit lined the left-hand wall. A spacious bathroom, all gleaming black and white geometric tiles, led off from a door between them. A small seating area, housing a two-seater sofa and a single armchair, was situated in an alcove near the floor-to-ceiling shuttered windows. The king-sized bed dominated most of the right-hand side of the room, the bed-clothes a crisp white cotton with brightly-hued cushions and a quilted throw adding a much needed splash of colour.

The furnishings looked plush; the bed-covers of superior quality, and, quite suddenly, Lindsay started to feel nervous butterflies fluttering in her stomach. She'd been so intent on not getting caught out in the real storm, she'd not realised that she'd be walking into a metaphorical one in here. The storm might go on for hours – and she could be trapped alone in this room with Danny for the duration of it. She swallowed the lump of apprehension that rose in her throat at that possibility.

Danny could feel the tension radiating from her in waves. In some respects, it pleased him. The fact that the thought of being alone with him had her all tied up in knots meant that she couldn't remain indifferent to him, no matter how hard she tried. The fear he could also sense from her was a different matter altogether, however. He hated the fact that she was afraid of him.

Not for the first time, he cursed his negligent attitude towards her when they first started seeing each other. What was it that he'd said? Just a few drinks, some laughs? It had _always_ been more than that. Why had he insisted on keeping things so casual between them? If he'd had the guts not to follow his usual pattern when it came to relationships, they might not be where they were today. He might have talked to her when it mattered, and he wouldn't now be having to prove to her that she could trust him with her heart.

"Lindsay?"

She jumped, startling a little at the sound of her name. Spinning around to face him, she gazed at him with a wide-eyed, rabbit-in-headlights expression on her face.

He sighed. "I won't bite."

'_No, but he could sure as hell kiss_,' she reflected inwardly before she batted that thought away with an irritated swipe. "I know, I'm sorry, I just…"

"I make you nervous?"

"I'm afraid…" she murmured. "I'm afraid you'll break my heart again, Danny." Her breath hitched. "I'm scared that if I stop paying attention, I'll give you that power over me again."

"So what is it that's scaring you right now?" he asked.

At the unconscious flicker of her eyes towards the bed, his lips quirked a little. "That hormones might override all common sense?" he suggested.

Lindsay flushed. "Danny…"

"Just think of it as chemical," he advised. "Our pheromones just like to party is all."

She laughed as he'd hoped she would. "Danny!"

"Look," he said more seriously. "I'm not saying I don't want to – I mean I'm not dead – but I want to do this right, Lindsay. We're above acting like out-of-control teenagers, don't you think? I _can_ practise a little self-restraint, you know."

"I know; I'm sorry," Lindsay said. "It's just me, I guess." She sighed. "I don't want to be attracted to you, Danny. I'm supposed to be in a relationship with Steven."

"And you feel guilty because you've been thinking about me that way."

Lindsay nodded. "I was happy, damn it!"

"If you asked me to, I would get back on a plane to New York tomorrow, you know that."

Lindsay's eyes filled with tears before she could stop them. "Yes, I know that," she said with feeling. "That's why I can't ask you to. That's why – even though it scares me – I have to see this through."

She drew in a deep breath, let it out slowly. "Two years ago, I ran away. I ran away because it hurt too much, because I couldn't bear to hear you say the things that I felt sure you were going to say. I thought it was my fault, you see. Not what you did, but how badly I got hurt by it. I'd gotten in too deep. I'd fallen in love when we'd said we'd keep things light."

"You thought I'd tell you we were just a fling and you should get over it."

"Something along those lines."

"Jesus Lindsay!" he exclaimed.

"Well, what would you have said?" she threw back at him.

That brought him up short, because he couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't have reacted exactly as she'd feared. "I don't know. My actions at the time were anything but rational. I wasn't thinking straight – I wasn't thinking, period. I was just reacting and not in any kind of predictable way either." He lifted his hands in supplication. "I don't know what I would have done. I honestly don't."

"You didn't come after me," Lindsay accused. "You didn't even acknowledge that I was leaving New York. Not once, Danny."

"I know."

"Why?"

"Part of me wanted to, it did. I just… I suppose I was punishing myself…" He broke off, scrubbed his hands over his face in agitation. "I wish I could offer you some sort of explanation, but I can't, I'm sorry. I was losing my grip on reality by then. Most of the time I was still coherent, but some of the time… Your leaving is one of my more blurry moments. My memories of that time are sketchy at best. It only really started to hit me after you'd gone."

Stepping into him, Lindsay closed her hands over the arms that he'd folded defensively across his chest. "So tell me about afterwards," she urged quietly. "About being in the hospital."

The crackle of lightening and loud crash of thunder that sounded from overhead as the storm broke mirrored exactly how Danny felt in that moment. It was a moment where all human control was lost, a moment where Mother Nature took over and all you could do was ride out the ensuing storm and hope to come out the other end of it intact.

He drew in a deep breath and nodded. "Okay," he agreed a little shakily.

And, with that, the heavens opened and the downpour finally began…

_**To be continued…**_

_**A/N2:**__ I totally made up the restaurant/club they were in at the beginning of the chapter by the way, although it is very loosely based on somewhere I went to in London once. Anyhow, until next time... xx_


	6. A Time to Heal

**WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN**

**Disclaimer: **The characters in CSI: New York and CSI: Miami do not belong to me. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.

**Summary: **After her and Danny's difficult break-up, Lindsay Monroe is transferred to the Miami Crime Lab. Two years later and the past comes knocking on her door…

**Notes: **Really sorry for the lengthy delay in posting. I have unfortunately been internet-less for a few weeks - luckily not entirely computer-less though so I've still been able to write. In fact that's the best thing about my internet-less state – I've been doing a lot of writing in the time I usually spend surfing! This story is almost finished (there are three, possibly four more parts after this one) and I have a couple of chapters of a new story nearly ready to post as well. I should therefore be posting something else within the next week or so. Yay!

As I was doing the final edit of this part, it occurred to me that it was a bit uneventful – basically just Danny and Lindsay talking. I promise the next chapter has plenty of action to make up for it! Anyway, I think I've rambled on long enough; I'll leave you to read on and hopefully enjoy.

**OOOOOO**

_**Part 6**__** – A Time to Heal**_

Almost as soon as it had begun, the storm whipped up into a veritable frenzy of noise. The howling wind rattled the shutters as a torrent of rain beat out a military tattoo on the concrete outside. Lightening cracked spectacularly overhead while thunder rumbled a lion's roar.

"I need a drink," Danny declared, heading determinedly for the hotel room's mini-bar. He selected a glass and a miniature bottle of whiskey and then decanted the latter into the former, swirling the glass to release the full flavour of the drink.

"Danny…" Lindsay protested, stepping forward with her hand outstretched as he lifted the glass to his lips.

Meeting her concerned gaze, he quickly guessed her main objection and sought to put her mind at rest. "Mac said to call it a day," he explained. "We only have an hour left of our shift and this storm is not going to blow over that quickly. Drinking on duty's not a habit of mine, Lindsay, I swear to you."

With that, he tipped back his head and downed the drink in one, suppressing a shudder as the alcohol burned the back of his throat. Closing his eyes, he breathed in through his nose and let the breath out slowly through his mouth – a relaxation technique his therapist had taught him. His nerves a little steadier than before, he set the empty glass aside, levelled his gaze with Lindsay's and nodded decisively. "Okay, let's do this."

Faced with his obvious trepidation, Lindsay experienced a sudden crisis of confidence about her insistence that he confide in her. "You don't have to…" she said.

Danny let out a shaky laugh. "Yeah - I do. I want to. It's just hard for me to talk about, that's all."

With a purposefulness to his stride that he didn't really feel, he crossed the room and sat down on the sofa, anxiously twisting his hands together in his lap. After a beat, Lindsay moved to join him, sitting down beside him rather than in the armchair opposite. Sensing that he needed an anchor to hold onto, she reached out and threaded her fingers through his. Danny squeezed her hand gratefully and then awkwardly cleared his throat.

"I didn't know where I was when I woke up," he began in a hesitant tone. "My brain was scrambled because of the sedatives I'd been given. Hawkes knocked me out with something when he, Mac and Flack broke into my apartment and I think they topped up the dose later on at the hospital."

He shrugged. "I was physically as well as emotionally exhausted by then so I suppose I needed the rest. Anyway, when I first came to, all I could think of was that my hands, arms and feet hurt like all holy hell."

He looked down at his scars, grimaced a little. "I cut them up pretty bad, huh?"

Her eyes stinging with sudden tears, Lindsay lifted their joined hands to her lips and pressed a soft kiss to the inside of his wrist where some of the worst scarring was. Danny lightly brushed his hand over her hair in silent appreciation of her gesture, and then let it drop back down into his lap before continuing with his painful narrative.

"And then Stella was there and… well, when she cries all over you, you know it's not good." He forced a weak smile, which Lindsay tried to return but without much notable success. Her heart ached for him, for Stella too. She understood how her friend must have felt, seeing him in the hospital like that and knowing that she might have been able to do something to help, if only she'd realised how bad things had gotten.

Danny cleared his throat again. "Umm… for a while, I was just confused. I was a bit of a zombie those first few days in the hospital, I think. I felt hollowed out, empty. My therapist said it's a coping mechanism – you shut down in order to shield yourself from the worst of the emotions. Gradually, it started to come back to me, but I still felt sort of outside of myself. It was almost as if I was a stranger looking in on my life. I suppose that, along with the drugs they had me on, stopped me from going into meltdown again when my memory eventually began to clear."

Something inside Lindsay broke at that. "Nobody said anything to me," she lamented. "Why didn't anyone say anything to me?"

"I would imagine my reaction when Mac brought up the possibility of contacting you put them off," Danny answered.

"Your reaction?" Lindsay frowned in confusion. "I don't understand."

Danny sighed. "I panicked – a full-blown anxiety attack. I was hyperventilating, the lot. I wasn't ready to deal with what had happened between us so I freaked out when Mac suggested that he call you. It was all too much for me to process at the time. I'd shut you away in a locked box inside of me and I needed to keep you there. There was a lot of other stuff I had to deal with first, throwing you into the mix just tipped me over the edge again."

"But it didn't stay like that, surely?" Lindsay asked.

Danny shook his head. "No, no, it didn't. When the subject of you came up again, I was ready to deal with it, but by then I was getting back on track so I was much more philosophical about things."

"How do you mean?"

"I still loved you, but I knew that I'd completely destroyed what we'd had together. Back then, I didn't think there was anything I could do to make it right, so I decided the best thing for both of us was to just let you go. I figured I should leave you alone to get on with your life and focus my energies on rebuilding mine. For a long time, I was reconciled with that decision. I was sure it was the right choice under the circumstances."

"But something changed?"

Danny nodded. "Yeah," he said. "I decided to start dating again, and it wasn't as easy to get back in the saddle as I thought it would be. For over a year I hadn't really thought too much about that side of my life, I was busy concentrating on getting better. I was in the hospital for six weeks after my breakdown, then on sick leave for a month after that. When I finally did make it back to work, I had to go through a battery of psychological tests before the Department would agree to put me on full, active duty again."

"I suppose I've never really thought about how all of this might have affected your career," Lindsay mused.

"Yeah well, Mac proved to be my champion there. The higher-uppers wanted to retire me on ill-health, but he refused to stand for that. He fought my corner, put me on modified assignment and arranged for me to be independently monitored by a Departmental psychologist. I got better, proved myself, eventually even got a promotion out of it, would you believe? But Mac was the one who gave me the chance to do that. I'm not sure how I would have coped if I hadn't had work to come back to. It gave me something positive to focus on."

Lindsay squeezed his hand. "He cares about you, Danny," she told him. "You're more than just a co-worker to him, we all are."

Danny nodded. "I know. You go through something like this; you learn who your real friends are. They're the ones who stick by you, support you." He smiled. "Make damn sure you don't go a day without a morale-boosting visit from a member of your personal cheerleading squad."

Humbled by the unflinching solidarity displayed by her former colleagues towards him, Lindsay looked down at their still joined hands, guilt closing a tight fist around her heart. "I wish I'd been a better friend," she told him.

Danny sighed. "Lindsay please, I don't want you to think like that. It wasn't your fault. Not after the way I treated you…"

"But I should have known," she burst out emotionally, "I should have realised…"

Danny shook his head. "No, no – look at me." He pulled his hand from hers, framed her face between his palms. "I pushed you away. Shut you out of my life. How could you have known? The worst of it was after you'd left anyway. You have nothing to feel guilty about, babe, _nothing_."

"But I left…" she repeated.

"Because I'd betrayed you, hurt you. Whatever I was going through, you didn't deserve that. You tried to be there for me, but I wouldn't let you. I threw it back in your face. You know I did."

Lindsay felt her wavering resolve steady again at his impassioned words. "Yes, you did," she agreed with a decisive nod.

Smiling a little sadly, Danny touched his forehead to hers. "There's my girl," he murmured before reluctantly pulling back.

Looking away from her, he gazed unseeing at the far wall for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts before continuing with his recollections. Lindsay instinctively slipped her hand back into his, silently offering him the emotional support he needed to carry on.

"I didn't want to be there," he said. "In the hospital, I mean. I was so angry… so disgusted with myself for being so weak, so pathetic." He paused. "I don't suppose I was particularly co-operative with the doctors and nursing staff those first couple of weeks."

"Which of course isn't like you at all," Lindsay gently teased, taking her cue from the spark of self-deprecating humour that she could see lurking in the familiar blue of his eyes.

"I don't know what you mean," Danny said in mock outrage, a genuine smile curving his lips in spite of the solemn subject matter. "I'm always the soul of affability!"

"Yeah, right," she shot back with a sardonic lift of her eyebrows. "Mr Calm and Predictable – that's you."

Danny chuckled, the sound warm and vibrant in her ears. "I love you, Montana, you know that?"

She instantly sobered. "Yes, I know," she responded quietly, realising as she said the words that she did know. He was laying himself bare, letting her see right into the depths of his soul – and it was all because of how he felt about her. Guilt and remorse played their part in it, yes, but overlaying all of that was a genuine abiding love. She understood that now and the knowledge somehow changed things.

"Danny…" she started, but broke off when he placed his finger over her lips and shook his head.

"It's ok," he told her. "You don't have to say anything. It's enough that I said it. It's enough that you know."

She nodded and they gazed silently at each other for a long moment before a deafening burst of thunder broke through their shared reverie. The lights flickered and they both automatically glanced up towards the ceiling.

"Storm like this usually knock the power out?" Danny asked.

Lindsay shrugged. "It happens. I would have thought a hotel this size should have a back-up generator though."

Danny rose, crossed to the mahogany desk-unit and rummaged around in one of the drawers. He produced several squat round candles and set them down on the desk top, before bending to retrieve a lighter from one of their forensic kits.

"My Boy Scout training said you should always 'Be prepared,'" he declared with a grin, as he placed the lighter beside the group of candles so that they were easily to hand in the event of a blackout.

Lindsay shook her head in amusement. "You were never a boy scout," she said, her scepticism evident in the tone of her voice. "You hadn't even seen a wheat-field until you met me."

"Oh really? Have proof of that do you, Detective Monroe?"

She rolled her eyes. "Danny? Seriously? A boy scout? Come on!"

He smiled. "Why? Is it really that hard to believe?"

Lindsay giggled. "I just can't see it somehow."

Danny laughed. "I don't know whether I should be insulted or pleased by that."

Lindsay lifted her shoulders in a nonchalant shrug. "It's just a reflection of who you are, Danny."

"Not Boy Scout material, huh?"

She shook her head. "No, you're way too 'Rebel without a Cause' or 'Rebel _with_ a Cause' should I say."

He grinned. "Now _that_ I believe is a compliment."

"It depends on your point of view, I suppose, but from where I'm standing I think you can safely assume that, yeah," Lindsay said, her eyes twinkling with merriment.

Danny visibly puffed up with pride at that and she couldn't help the laugh that escaped her lips in response. "You're such a guy!" she accused.

"And?"

"And you're changing the subject," she added quietly, her mood sobering. As much as she'd been enjoying the easy banter between them, it wasn't why they were here. There was still so much left unsaid between the two of them, too many untold truths that had to be faced.

Danny nodded sombrely. "Avoidance tactic," he admitted candidly.

Lindsay sighed. "I know it's difficult, Danny, but you'll feel better once it's over with, I promise you," she said.

"Confession is good for the soul, huh?" he said as he rejoined her on the sofa.

"So they say."

"It wasn't just about Ruben, you know," he went on. "I think things had been building in me for a long time before that. What happened to Ruben was just the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak."

"What things?" Lindsay questioned.

Danny shrugged. "Well, my background for a start…"

"Your run-in with the Tanglewood Boys, you mean?"

Danny nodded. "Yeah - or more the effect that had on my relationship with my brother. We were like two peas in a pod growing up and then we just fractured somehow…" He sighed. "It was never the same after that night at the stadium…"

Lindsay placed her hand over his. "You made your choice and so did he. That didn't mean you didn't still love each other." She paused. "He wanted more for you than he wanted for himself."

Danny sighed. "Yeah, I guess he did… He'd gotten himself into something he couldn't get out of and he pushed me away so that I didn't get caught in the same trap. Didn't make it any easier to deal with though."

Lindsay nodded in acknowledgement of that fact. "So what else?"

"Well, there's what happened to Aidan, of course…"

"That affected you a lot, huh?"

Danny smiled rather sadly. "She was… my friend, my buddy, my partner."

"Your lover?" Lindsay asked, curiosity getting the better of her. It was something she'd always wondered about, but hadn't ever felt able to ask until now.

Danny's eyes widened at her question. He laughed, a deep belly laugh, before shaking his head. "Can't say I didn't ever think about it," he remarked. "But no, we were never lovers. We would have driven each other crazy. We were close but it was a purely platonic thing, believe me."

"You stayed in touch after she left though."

"Yeah, yeah, we did. We had a standing date for dinner every few weeks. As I said, we were friends, good friends."

"And you didn't ever resent me taking her place?" Lindsay asked.

"At the Lab, you mean?"

She nodded.

Danny smiled, shook his head. "Nah, you were too cute," he replied, making her smile. "And Aidan was responsible for her own actions," he continued. "She knew that and so did I."

He paused, and then shot her a sidelong glance. "She was curious about you though."

"She was?"

"Uh-huh."

"So what'd you tell her?"

"Not that much to be honest. She would have seen right through me, you see. Realised how I felt about you even before I did. I suppose subconsciously I knew that so I avoided talking to her about you too much." He grinned. "That probably made her really suspicious, now that I think of it, but she didn't rag on me about it. Either there was too much else going on in her life, or she thought she'd have better luck getting information out of Flack instead." He sighed. "I guess I'll never know."

"So all this came out during your therapy sessions?" Lindsay asked.

Danny nodded. "At first, I didn't get it. Why my therapist was so interested in the past, I mean. I thought everything I was going through was about Ruben and what happened to him. I didn't realise that _how_ I reacted to that situation was a direct result of what had gone on before."

He paused for a beat. "Let's just say I discovered that I have some serious issues with guilt. That night at the stadium with the Tanglewood Boys and my brother was the start of it. I knew something bad was going down, but I walked away, Lindsay, I just walked away."

"Seems like that was the smartest thing you could have done under the circumstances," Lindsay remarked.

"Maybe, but somebody still died, didn't they? And I didn't do anything to stop it, did I?"

"You can't have been much more than a kid though, Danny."

"You were fifteen when that maniac gunned down your friends. Did that stop you feeling guilty?" he asked.

Lindsay shook her head. "No. It took me a long time to stop feeling responsible, for believing that things might have turned out differently if I hadn't hid in the bathroom the way I did."

"And yet, that was the smartest thing you could have done under the circumstances," Danny pointed out. "You couldn't have saved them; one teenage girl was no match for a man with a double-barrelled shot-gun. Yours would just have been another young life needlessly wasted. The best thing you did for your friends' was survive so that you could be part of putting that bastard behind bars for the rest of his sorry life."

Cupping the side of his face in her hand, Lindsay leaned forward and lightly kissed his cheek. "I couldn't have done it without you," she said. "That day in the witness box, I just froze. The prosecutor managed to call a recess but the next day I wasn't in much better emotional shape. And then you walked in and just knowing you were there to support me gave me the strength to carry on. I don't think I ever properly thanked you for that."

Danny smiled. "Oh trust me, baby, you thanked me," he said, recalling the hot steamy kiss they'd shared once they'd finally managed to shake off the gaggle of reporters who'd dogmatically pursued Lindsay for a quote.

The moment the door of her hotel room had shut behind them, she'd curled her fingers possessively into the material of his shirt, stood on her tiptoes and closed her mouth over his. He had thought he'd been prepared, but the feel of her soft lips moving purposefully against his had sent shockwaves through his entire body. His arms had banded around her tightly as their kiss had swiftly deepened in texture. The next thing he knew they were making out like hormonal teenagers on the hotel room bed. It had taken enormous willpower on his part not to push things any further than that.

He watched as a rosy blush bloomed on Lindsay's cheeks and knew that she was recalling the same incident. "I've never been such a gentleman in my life," he quipped with wry humour.

Lindsay laughed. She didn't think she would have regretted it if they had made love that day, but she was glad that he'd been considerate enough not to take advantage of her emotionally vulnerable state. The timing hadn't been right for them to cross that line. Deep down they'd both known it, and that knowledge had given them the strength to ignore their physical needs and listen to the emotional ones instead. Their first night together a couple of months later was all the more memorable because of it and Lindsay would be eternally grateful for that.

Danny returned her smile. "Anyway, to get back to the point," he said. "I had all this bottled-up guilt - because of that night at the stadium, because I'd been blind where Aidan was concerned… It was basically a ticking time-bomb inside of me and it was close to detonation by the time Ruben was killed."

He paused, looked enquiringly at her. "We don't need to go over the reasons for me and Rikki again, do we?" he asked.

Lindsay shook her head. "No, I think we covered that last night." She sighed. "I think I get why her, Danny. I suppose I still need to understand why not me?"

Danny sighed. "It's going to sound horribly clichéd if I say it wasn't you, it was me, isn't it?"

"Not if it's the truth."

"When we talked about you, Sarah – that's my therapist – she pointed out that I kept saying you were different to any other woman I'd dated, but that I clearly hadn't treated you as such. She asked me why I thought that was. I was going to give her the standard response – you know, that I wasn't ready for commitment, blah, blah, blah. _Until_ I realised that was total BS. It wasn't that I wasn't ready, it was just that I was so damn scared."

"Of what?"

"Of risking that level of intimacy with you, I guess. I was afraid that if I allowed you too close, I wouldn't be able to handle losing you. By keeping things light between us, I could walk away unscathed when everything fell apart. I was in a dark place over Ruben and I know you would have helped me through it if I'd asked. _But_ I'd have had to make myself vulnerable to you in the process and I couldn't handle that."

"Did you trust me that little?"

"No, no. Don't you see? My brother was my hero growing up and he walked away without ever seeming to look back. Aidan was my closest friend and she went and got herself killed, instead of asking for my help. You… you had the potential to mean so much more to me than either of them. In the end, I put up a wall between us because that was the best way to avoid getting hurt."

Using her fingers in lieu of comb, Lindsay pushed her hair back from her face. "So how do I know it'd be any different a second time around, Danny?" she asked. "How do I know that if the going gets tough, you're not going to shut me out again?"

"You don't, not for sure, but at least you'd understand the reasons why, be more aware of what was going on. And I've learned enough about myself to try to change the way I behave. I'm talking to you now, aren't I? I'm making myself vulnerable even though I know there is no guarantee of a happy ending here. I'm taking that risk because I know that if I don't, I'm never going to get what I want out of life. Fate's going to happen whatever. You can't stop it so why try?"

"And that's your new philosophy on life, is it?"

Danny nodded. "Yeah, I guess it is, although I'm not sure I've consciously thought of it like that until now."

"And you're gonna stick with the therapy?" Lindsay asked.

"Until the end of my treatment, yes," Danny replied. "After that… well, I plan to navigate my own life in my own way. I know some people view regular therapy as one of the necessities of modern life, but I'm not one of them. This was purely about getting better for me, nothing else."

Lindsay nodded. "So what made you write me?" she asked.

Danny sighed. "Because even after two years apart; I couldn't stop thinking about you. I'd go out on dates, but most of them were one time deals. I got picky, I guess, I kept focusing on the negatives of the women I met and was blind to the positives. It was Flack who pointed that out to me. He was pissed because he'd set me up with a friend of his and I'd blown her off before I'd even had a chance to get to know her properly. He told me if I stopped expecting every woman I went out with to be you, I might have better luck finding someone."

"It was a light-bulb moment for me. I didn't realise that's what I'd been doing, but looking back on it, I could see that it was. What I'd been viewing as flaws were simply differences from you – well, most of the time anyway. I brought it up in my next therapy session because I needed to make sense of it. I was lonely, you know? I wasn't looking for a big romance, just some female company, but there was something inside of me that was holding me back from finding that."

"So what did your therapist say?"

Danny's lips quirked at her question, "She used the dreaded 'C' word," he replied.

Lindsay's brow crinkled in confusion. "'C' word?"

Danny chuckled. "Closure," he explained, crooking his fingers into quote marks. "She suggested that perhaps it wasn't that I was looking for a carbon copy of you, but that I was sabotaging my own love-life because of the way that things had ended between us."

"And was she right?"

Danny shrugged his shoulders. "In a way, yes, although I don't think it was self-sabotage as such, more that I couldn't move on because I still felt I had unfinished business with you. It was that old guilt complex again. You were out there somewhere – this woman who had meant so much to me – out there thinking that I hadn't cared about you. Something in me needed you to know the truth, needed you to understand that wasn't the case. I wanted you to be able to look back on our time together and smile. It was a selfish need, but I just couldn't shake it. I thought that if I wrote you a letter, I'd be able to say the things I wanted to say without demanding anything from you that you weren't willing to give."

"You said you didn't want to disrupt my life," Lindsay recalled.

"And I meant it. I _was_ hoping for some sort of acknowledgement, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't, _but_ I was realistic enough not to expect one. It was only when I came here to Miami that things changed." He reached out and cupped her chin between his fingers. "When I looked into your eyes, I could see the same need for closure in you that still existed in me. I couldn't ignore that; I didn't want to ignore it to be perfectly honest with you."

Lindsay nodded. "You're right; I did have that need - because the situation wasn't all one-sided, Danny. I wasn't as honest with you as I could have been. I should have been more upfront with you about the way you were making me feel. I honestly believe that if I'd allowed you to see just how deeply you were hurting me, things may not have gone down the road that they did."

"That's all 'coulda, woulda, shoulda,' Lindsay," Danny pointed out. "I hope that would have been the case, but we're never gonna know for sure."

"No, no, we won't," she agreed. She drew in a deep breath and let it out, "Which is why I think we've spent enough time going over the past, don't you? You can analyse something to death and still never find all the answers. Maybe it's time for us to start focusing on the future instead, huh?"

Danny nodded in agreement, "Sounds good to me." He paused for a beat. "So – are you hungry?"

Blindsided by the sudden change in subject, Lindsay looked at him in mystification. "Hungry?"

"Yeah, like, for food? We could order room service," he suggested. "Or, better still, go down to the restaurant to eat."

"Danny…"

"Look, we said yesterday that we were going to try to relax and have a little fun together, right?" Danny cut in before she could say any more. "Take a break from all the heavy stuff? We didn't succeed was because there were still too many things left unsaid between us. I think we might have better luck tonight if we gave it a go though. I want us to be friends, Lindsay, if nothing else."

"Yeah, yeah, me too." She smiled, let some of the tension go. "Dinner sounds good actually."

Danny grinned, relieved at her ready acquiescence. "I think I spied a pool table in the Rec' room too," he informed her as he rose to his feet. "You up for a rematch, Miss Monroe?"

"Depends," she returned with a deliberately casual shrug of her shoulders.

"On what?" he queried.

Lindsay's eyes twinkled with playful intent. "On whether you're ready to lose, cowboy…"

Danny laughed. "Fighting talk, huh? Well game on, babe. Game on…"

**OOOOOO**

_**3 AM…**_

Lindsay stirred into wakefulness when she felt a heavy weight fall across her stomach. Opening her eyes, she blinked a few times as her eyesight adjusted to the darkness. A faint glow of light from under the bathroom door illuminated the room enough for her to see Danny's sleeping face on the pillow next to hers. He'd rolled over in his sleep and his outstretched arm, encountering another human being in the bed beside him, had instinctively curled around her waist and pulled her close.

She lay there for a moment, listening to the faint pitter-patter of the rain on the window before guilt drove her to extract herself from Danny's innocently intimate embrace. Carefully easing herself out from under his arm, she slipped from the bed and padded bare-foot across the floor to the on-suite bathroom. The light that she'd seen in the darkness of the bedroom came from the mirror above the vanity unit and she moved to stand in front of it.

Contemplating her reflection in the glass, her guilt only grew stronger. Dressed in one of Danny's shirts with her hair mussed and her cheeks rosy with the remnants of sleep, she looked exactly like a woman who had just spent the night in the arms of her lover. Okay, so nothing had actually happened between them, but that didn't make it right, did it? She had a boyfriend even if they were taking a break from each other at the moment.

Despite the continuing rain, the earlier storm had all but blown over now. The next morning she knew it would be as if the extreme weather had never happened. They would wake to a sapphire blue sky and the warm, golden glow of an early morning sun. When they'd gone to bed a few hours before, the rain and wind were already beginning to ease. She could have called a cab and gone home then. Instead, she'd acted against her better judgement and stayed put. She'd even rejected Danny's suggestion that he sleep on the couch. It seemed crazy for him to do so when the bed was the size of a small boat. They were sensible adults after all; they could manage to share a bed without anything untoward happening between them.

She shouldn't have stayed, and yet something inside of her hadn't wanted to leave. They'd spent an enjoyable evening in each other's company, and this time the shadows of the past hadn't intruded on their plan to have some much-needed fun together. They'd eaten juicy steak and thick-cut fries in the hotel's main restaurant and followed that up with a calorific dessert apiece. Afterwards, they'd sought out the pool table that Danny had mentioned, and she'd beaten him three games to two, despite his vocal protestations of an apparently illegal hustle on her part.

They'd gone on to share beer and easy conversation with a group of old school friends from Baltimore, whom Danny had befriended earlier on during his stay in Miami. It was good to hang out with people of similar age and interests. When their new acquaintances had cranked up the juke-box and turned the far end of the Recreation room into an impromptu dance floor, Lindsay had joined in with a level of enthusiasm that had surprised her.

It was a far cry from her social life with Steven. That consisted mostly of exclusive restaurants, jazz clubs and theatre trips, all served up with copious amounts of pink champagne in crystal wine-flutes. If they had a night in, take-out pizza, a rented movie and a passionate bout of hot, sweaty sex would never be on the agenda as it had so often been with Danny. She and Steven would cook each other meals instead – usually with three or four courses – and then take a romantic moonlit stroll along the beach before returning home to make slow, languorous love against silken sheets.

It wasn't that she didn't enjoy her relationship with Steven, she did. If she was looking for something more down to earth in an evening, she'd call on Ryan to fulfil that need. Friendship and romance were separate for her here in Miami, she wasn't lacking in either. It was just that with Danny she'd had the two things rolled into one.

It didn't have to be like that though, did it? Who said you had to be best friends with the person you shared your life with? She and Steven were friends, they just weren't bosom buddies. There was nothing wrong with that was there? Some would claim that romance couldn't last forever, but she suspected with Steven it could. He had the ways and the means to make her dreams come true, and his psyche was so ingrained in that kind of luxurious life-style that it was hard to imagine him being any different.

She honestly didn't know what to do. She could easily walk back into Danny's arms and be as happy as a clam, but she could be equally as content with Steven too. There was a fine line between the two of them and she had no idea which way to jump. It was a dilemma with no clear solution. A choice that time wouldn't make any easier for her, however much she wished it would.

She yawned as a sudden wave of exhaustion beset her. She was wrecked; the emotional roller-coaster of the last few days was finally catching up with her. Going over and over it wasn't getting her anywhere right now. The best thing she could do was sleep on it. Consider it fresh in the morning when her mind wasn't so befuddled and her body so physically and emotionally drained.

Reaching out, she switched off the light above the mirror, plunging the room into pitch blackness. By instinct alone, she made her way back to the bed and crawled under the covers. Closing her eyes, she snuggled down and let the sound of Danny's rhythmic breathing and the steady patter of the continuing rain lull her back to sleep.

The way forward would be clearer to her in the morning, she was sure of it. It had to be because otherwise how was she going to decide? The choice had to be made. She had to decide what path to take, or she was going to go slowly and irrevocably insane…

_**To be continued…**_


	7. Which Way Now?

**WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN**

**Disclaimer: **The characters in CSI: New York and CSI: Miami do not belong to me. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.

**Summary: **After her and Danny's difficult break-up, Lindsay Monroe is transferred to the Miami Crime Lab. Two years later and the past comes knocking on her door…

**Notes: **Hey! New chapter for you all. Told you I wouldn't be too long in posting a new part! There's an adult scene in this one. It's fairly strong, but I felt it needed to be to fit the story. While it's probably only slightly more graphic than what you'd see on the show, it's not for younger children so please take appropriate note of the rating.

Anyway, warnings over, please read on and enjoy...

**OOOOOO**

_**Part 7**__** – Which Way Now?**_

When Lindsay woke the following morning, it was to the sound of the shower running in the on-suite bathroom. Stretching out her arm, she smoothed her palm over the wrinkled sheets beside her. They were cool to touch; Danny had obviously been up and about for a while. Rising from the bed herself, she crossed to the window and pressed the button to raise the electronic shutters. Sunlight flooded the room, making her blink as the bright light over-stimulated her retinas and caused spots to dance in front of her eyes.

Raising her hand to shield her gaze from the sudden burst of daylight, she waited for her sight to return to normal and then took a moment to contemplate the view outside the window. Uniformed hotel staff were scurrying about like busy ants, ridding the hotel grounds of the evidence of the previous night's storm. Most of the wind-scattered vegetation had already been cleared - the current job at hand was the hosing down of the concrete walkways and the cleaning of the furniture around the pool. In another hour or so, order would be fully restored and the hotel guests could continue to enjoy their vacation in the beautiful and impeccably manicured surroundings that they'd come to expect.

Lindsay's stomach grumbled with hunger, prompting her to seek out her watch on the nightstand to establish the time - 8.30 AM, an hour and a half past her normal waking hour. She wasn't on until twelve that day though, so there was still plenty of time for her to return to her apartment and change into some clean clothes before her shift.

The bathroom door opened and she spun around, suddenly self-conscious in her half-dressed state. She hadn't heard the shower shut off and consequently didn't have time to cover herself up with a robe. Danny, it appeared, had no such qualms about modesty. He strolled confidently into the room wearing just a pair of blue checked boxers, his chest bare and his shoulders glistening with residual droplets of water from his shower.

"Morning sunshine," he greeted her brightly. "You finally awake then? I thought you were going to sleep till noon."

Lindsay flushed, trying not to openly stare at the muscular sculpture of his upper arms and naked torso. "I, umm…"

She shifted uncomfortably, wrapping her arms around her middle in a defensive gesture. "You finished in there?" she asked, indicating the bathroom with a nervous wave of her hand.

Danny nodded. "Sure, knock yourself out," he said as he tugged on his jeans. "I'll call reception; book us a table for breakfast. Can you be ready in half an hour?"

"Yes, I think so," Lindsay replied as she gathered her clothes and retreated into the bathroom to shower and dress.

Thirty minutes later, they were walking across the Lobby, heading for the hotel's breakfast room when Lindsay unexpectedly drew to a halt, all the colour draining from her face. Puzzled by her sudden discomfiture, Danny followed her horrified gaze and too late realised why the man shaking hands with a couple of sharp-suited business men in front of reception desk seemed so familiar.

As his companions left, Steven turned away from the semi-circular counter and spotted them standing together in the centre of the Lobby. Danny cringed at the look of abject disbelief that settled over the nightclub owner's handsome features. It was safe to say it did not look good. Lindsay's hair was still slightly damp from her shower and curling in tousled waves about her heart-shaped face. Plus, it was clear from the direction in which they'd come that they'd not entered the Lobby from the outside of the hotel.

The wrong conclusion would be the most likely one for Steven to jump to under the circumstances. Danny, himself, would have certainly done so if the situation had been reversed. Galvanised into action by that thought, he moved determinedly forward in an attempt to circumvent the scene he felt sure was about to explode if he didn't do anything to defuse it.

"Look, this isn't what it looks like," he said, holding his palms up in a conciliatory gesture.

"No?" The sarcasm in Steven's voice was rife, his green eyes as hard as agates and the expression in them as cold as ice. "My girlfriend didn't just spend the night in a hotel with her so-called ex?"

"Not in the way you're implying, no. We got caught up in last night's storm, okay? It was too dangerous for her to drive home through that."

"And it never occurred to you to get a separate room for her, I suppose?" his rival said acidly.

Danny faltered. There wasn't much he could say in defence to that. Momentarily distracted, he didn't anticipate what happened next. Steven's fist ploughed into his jaw before he could react. His head snapped back painfully, but he thankfully remained up-right even though the blow did cause him to stagger back a few steps.

"Steven!"

Throwing off her shocked stupor, Lindsay quickly moved between the two men. She reached out a calming hand towards her boyfriend and curled it around his forearm. "It isn't what you think," she insisted. "I _promise_ _you_, Steven, it isn't what you think."

Steven roughly shook her hand off his arm. "You know what, Lindsay? Save it for someone who cares, okay? I've had about all I can take of this. You've played me for a fool long enough!"

With that, he abruptly turned on his heel and strode resolutely from the hotel, his shoulders set and his head held high. Her heart sinking like a stone inside her chest, Lindsay turned back to Danny who was rubbing at his aching jaw. She could see the red mark forming from Steven's bunched-up fist. Instinct made her reach out towards him, but she let her hand drop before her fingers connected with his bruised flesh.

"Danny…" Her voice was shaky, uncertain.

In contrast, Danny's reply was surprisingly firm. "Go after him," he told her. It cost him to say it, but he didn't want her by default. The stricken look in her big brown eyes was almost impossible to ignore. "Go on. You know you want to."

"It's just that I never wanted to hurt him. He's been so good to me," she tried to explain.

"Lindsay, I said go," Danny told her in exasperation. He didn't want to hear any of this. It was all he could do to hold onto his dignity and do the right thing at the moment.

"Thanks." Lindsay touched his arm in gratitude before fleeing from the Lobby as fast as her legs would carry her.

Lacing his fingers at the nape of his neck, Danny tipped his head back and sucked in a deep breath. It was as if someone had punched him hard in the solar plexus. Being noble was a bitch, as was the realisation that as much as he and Lindsay were reconnecting with each other, Steven was still an integral part of her life. There wasn't much he could do about that. In the end, it was her decision which one of them she chose to spend her time with.

Out on the side-walk, Lindsay cast around desperately, trying to spot Steven among the milling hotel guests and holidaymakers. A sleek, silver limousine with tinted windows was slowly pulling away from the kerb and her cantering heart-rate sped up to a gallop at the sight. Taking her life into her own hands, she leapt forward, yanked open the door and threw herself inside the moving vehicle.

"Lindsay! What the hell are you doing?" Steven stared at her in shock as the driver slammed on the brakes with a muttered oath.

Lindsay leaned over and pulled the door shut. "I want to talk to you."

After a brief moment of indecision, Steven curtly told his driver to wait then pressed the button to raise the barrier between the back of the limousine and the front. Settling back against the plush leather seat, he folded his arms across his chest. "So talk."

"I didn't sleep with him, Steven," she assured him. "I know how it probably looked, but I wouldn't do that to you. I asked you for the time and space to work this thing through, but I never saw that as a green light to betray you."

"You still have feelings for him though, Lindsay. You told me that yourself. You don't honestly expect me to sit back and ignore it while my girlfriend runs all over town with another man, do you?"

"That's not how it is," she protested.

"I don't care!" he declared heatedly. "It's how it looks. It's how it feels. Those were important clients just now, Lindsay, thankfully ones you hadn't met before. Do you know how embarrassing it would have been for me if that breakfast meeting had been with one of my more regular associates? Someone you'd played hostess to? My patience is starting to wear pretty thin over this, believe me. You wanted space to talk to him, well you've had it. It's about time you made up your mind what it is you want. I don't intend to wait around for you to make a decision for much longer."

"So what? You're giving me an ultimatum now, is that it?"

"Yes, that's exactly it! And I don't think it's unreasonable under the circumstances. Either you want to be with me or you don't. Make up your mind by the weekend or we're done."

"You don't mean that!" Lindsay was shocked even though she knew she shouldn't be. Steven may be an inordinately tolerant man, but he wasn't a complete martyr. She'd always known that.

"Yes, Lindsay, I do," he asserted. "Now, if you don't mind…" He leaned over and pointedly opened the door for her. "I have another business meeting to get to."

Rather unceremoniously ejected from the back of the limousine, Lindsay stood forlornly on the sidewalk and watched as the long silver vehicle faded into the distance. She looked back at the hotel, briefly considered going back inside and joining Danny for breakfast before quickly rejecting the idea. She needed a couple of hours alone to compose herself before she went into the Lab. Hailing a cab, she gave her address to the driver, then settled back into her seat as the taxi started to weave its way through the rush-hour traffic.

How was she supposed to decide in three days what she wanted from the rest of her life? Sleeping on it hadn't made things any clearer for her. If anything, she was even more confused than before. She couldn't blame Steven for demanding an answer from her though. She'd been trying her best to be fair to all three participants in this bizarre love triangle of theirs, but he was the one who'd gotten the worst end of the deal. To sit back and wait while she and Danny worked through their troubled past must be incredibly difficult for him. She couldn't censure him for wanting a speedy conclusion to the whole unfortunate situation.

Feeling the beginnings of a tension headache brewing, Lindsay pressed her fingers to her temples and closed her eyes, trying to relax. Perhaps she was thinking about it too much. Maybe if she stopped agonising about what she should do, the answer would come to her from basic instinct.

Her cell phone rang then and she quickly extracted it from her purse to answer. "Hello?"

"Lindsay?"

"Hey Mac."

"Where are you?"

"In a cab, heading home."

"Is Danny with you?"

"No, he's back at the hotel," Lindsay replied. "Did you spend the whole night at the Lab?" she asked curiously.

"I caught a couple of hours' sleep in the break-room," Mac told her offhandedly as if it were a regular occurrence for him. "Anyway, back to the reason I'm calling you, I did some digging. The witness you and Danny interviewed yesterday? It seems she's well-travelled."

"She was in New York the time of the other murder?" Lindsay quickly guessed.

"Boom!"

The use of Danny's familiar refrain made Lindsay smile in spite of everything she was dealing with at the moment.

"You don't really think she did it though, do you?" she enquired with a thoughtful frown. The level of violence did not point to a female perp in her opinion. The force behind the attacks would require some serious upper body strength, strength only a female body-builder might possess. And their witness had been a perkily petite, rake-thin blonde.

"No, but I think she may know who did."

"So why'd she contact us? If she was involved, I mean."

"I don't know – a guilty conscience maybe? That's what we need to find out. How soon can you make it into the Lab? Horatio has already applied for a warrant to search her place; it should be with us within the hour."

Lindsay glanced at her watch. "I can be there in around forty minutes," she said, putting her emotional troubles on the back-burner and allowing her unflinching dedication to her job to take over. "Do you want me to contact Danny?"

"No, I'll call him myself. I need him to bring me in a change of clothes."

"Okay, I'll see you at the Lab."

Shutting off the call, Lindsay leaned forward and asked the driver to step on it, which he duly did with an enthusiasm that made her immediately regret her request. She had been intending to get him to take her into the Lab, but she figured she'd better drive herself if she wanted to make it there in one piece.

As was often the way, that one seemingly insignificant detail lit the blue touch-paper on their case. Over the next couple of days, Lindsay was kept so busy her feet barely seemed to touch the ground. When she did make it home for a couple of hours' break, she was asleep the moment her head touched her pillow. Her confused feelings and the decision she had to make was something that was always in the back of her mind, but she was forced to set it aside so that she could concentrate fully on her work. Before she knew it, their case was almost wrapped and Steven's looming deadline was all of a sudden upon her.

Standing outside in the corridor, she observed through the plated glass walls as Mac and Danny interviewed their chief suspect. They were playing out the tried-and-tested good cop, bad cop routine in order to extract an admission of guilt from their perp. While Lindsay was pretty sure they'd obtain a conviction based on the strength of their evidence alone, a confession would seal the deal beyond a shadow of a doubt.

She sighed wearily. Steven's ultimatum wasn't the only deadline facing her now. In less than two days, Mac and Danny would be back on a plane to New York. Confession or no, their cross-jurisdiction case was all but closed. All that was left to do was to collate their evidence and file their official reports. After that, there was no professional reason for Danny and Mac to stay in Miami any longer. The time had finally arrived for her to make up her mind about her future, yet she was still at a complete loss as to what to do about it.

"Lindsay?" Horatio lightly touched her shoulder to attract her attention. She looked up at him expectantly, and he noted that the delicate skin under her eyes was bruised with fatigue.

"Why don't you go home?" he suggested kindly. "It's looks as if Mac and Danny have this under control. You've been working sixteen hours straight. Go home. Get some rest."

Lindsay was fairly certain she wouldn't be able to sleep, but a little respite did sound good. She needed to clear her head of work and focus her mind on more personal matters instead. She had to make a decision; she could not procrastinate over this any longer.

She nodded in weary acceptance of his suggestion. "Okay. Will you…?" she gestured towards the interview room.

"I'll let them know," Horatio replied, patting her comfortingly on the back. "I'll get Delko to drive you home."

Lindsay started to protest but then desisted. She was too tired to argue. There was no shame in accepting her colleagues' support. Recognising that she wasn't in the mood for conversation, Eric allowed the journey back to her place to pass in silence. When he stopped the car outside her apartment complex however, he reached out and lightly touched her arm.

"Just listen to your heart," he advised her solemnly. "Forget what's right or wrong. Just close your eyes and listen to your heart. It's the only way."

Touched, Lindsay leaned over and lightly kissed his cheek. "Thanks Eric."

He smiled gently at her. "No problem."

Surprisingly, after a long, hot shower, she did manage to sleep for a few precious hours. When she awoke some time later, dusk was descending over the city and her stomach was protesting the lack of food. She hadn't eaten since breakfast that morning.

Wandering outside in the flimsy white cotton shorts and spaghetti-strapped rose-pink top that she'd slept in, she settled in a chair by the pool with a sandwich and an ice-cool drink. When she'd finished eating, she set the plate and glass aside and tipped her chair back into its full reclining position. Gazing up at the sky, she watched as the setting sun dyed the horizon a myriad of shifting rainbow colours.

_Listen to your heart,_ that's what Eric had told her earlier that afternoon. Taking his advice, Lindsay closed her eyes, cleared her mind of all extraneous thought and listened as hard as she possibly could…

**OOOOOO**

He opened the door, a familiar figure dressed down in a simple white t-shirt and grey sweatpants. For a moment, she couldn't find the words. He stood there framed in the rectangular arch, the lamplight from the room beyond haloing his face, and her voice froze in her throat.

Eventually, she managed to speak. "Hey," she said nervously.

"Hey," he replied, his gaze intent on her face. There was something different in her eyes, a certainty of purpose that hadn't been there before.

She cleared her throat. "Umm, can I come in?"

He nodded. "Sure," he replied, stepping back to let her enter before reaching over and pushing the door closed behind her.

She walked forward into the centre of the room and turned to face him, lacing her fingers together in front of her. He paused by the door for the space of several heartbeats before finally moving to close the gap between them. It wasn't what she intended. It hadn't even entered her imagination until that point, but, in that moment, it seemed like the thing to do. Curling her fingers into the material of his t-shirt, she pulled him towards her and pressed her mouth determinedly to his.

His hands came up to tangle in her hair as their kiss quickly deepened, turning passionate, hot, and all-consuming in a matter of seconds. Lindsay's head was spinning, her senses confused even though a warning bell was sounding clear and resonant inside her mind. What was she doing? This wasn't why she'd come, but she couldn't seem to find the strength to pull away, to prevent what she knew would be inevitable if they continued in this manner for much longer.

_Oh God!_

That single thought flashed in her brain as he yanked her bodily up against his lean muscular form, his hand settling firmly into the small of her back to hold her tightly against him.

"Danny…" she protested weakly, but his mouth was already at her neck, his lips nipping and teasing at her sensitive skin and sending electric sensation skittering down her spine. She thought her knees might buckle under her. She knew she was losing the power to resist. Her heart was hammering inside her chest, her breath coming sharp and fast in her throat. She shuddered, teetering on the edge of a precipice and then was forced to admit defeat.

"Please!"

The breathless demand had an almost desperate edge to it as she tugged impatiently at his t-shirt, urging him to remove the offending article. The need to feel his warm, naked skin pressed tantalisingly against hers was overwhelming and she would have ripped the material from his body if she'd had the strength to do so.

Backing her towards the bed, he dragged his t-shirt off over his head, and then urgently freed her from her own. Quickly dispensing with his sweatpants, he made short work of her skirt, and then stopped, breathing heavily as he looked intently down into her passion-clouded eyes. She opened her mouth to speak, but he silenced her with another drugging kiss before lifting her into his arms and slowly lowering her down onto the mattress in an effortlessly fluid manoeuvre.

Climbing up onto the bed, he settled his weight over her, his fingers tunnelling into her hair while the pads of his thumbs brushed over her flushed cheeks. With a low moan of surrender, she arched her body into his, and then, with an urgency born of two years of painful separation, they lost themselves in the tumultuous passion of physical union…

It was only afterwards, as she lay sensually replete in his arms, that Lindsay felt the guilt wash over her. His fingers were still in her hair, lightly caressing with a tenderness that made her eyes sting with remorse. She turned her head, pressed her face to his chest, breathed in of his familiar scent.

"Danny…" she murmured.

"It's over isn't it?" His voice was startlingly matter-of-fact and it gave her a jolt. Lifting her head, she looked up into his face and saw all the emotion she'd expected to hear in his voice, naked and raw in the swirl of his blue eyes.

She reached up and touched her fingers to his lips. "I shouldn't have let you…"

He shook his head. "No, I wanted it. We both wanted it, needed it, I think."

That much was true, she realised. They'd needed to reconnect, acknowledge what they'd once been to each other so that they could find the necessary strength to move on.

"I'm sorry," she said, nestling her face into the crook of his neck, her lips gentle and moist against his skin.

He buried his face in her hair, his lips brushing the top of her head as his thumb traced a delicate path up and down the ridges of her spine. "Steven doesn't have to know," he said when he'd composed himself enough to speak. "This will stay between us. I promise you that."

"Oh Danny!"

Her heart ached for him. Raising her head, she cupped his face in her hands and pressed her mouth firmly to his.

"I'm not going back to Steven," she said when they drew apart.

He frowned. "You're not?"

"No." She sat up, tucking the sheet around her body to protect her exposed skin from the slight chill from the air-conditioner. "I need to be alone. I need to discover who _I_ am before I can think about sharing my life with someone else. Steven – he was exactly what I needed at the time, but it was never going to last. He's a lovely guy, but he just isn't right for me."

"And me?"

"You…" Lindsay smiled, her doe-like eyes warm with affection. "You were a lot more right."

"Just not Mr Right Now, huh?"

She shook her head. "No, I'm sorry. I wish it were different. I really do."

"And what about Mr Right in the future?" he asked.

Her reply was cryptic. "That's yet to be decided."

"But I'm in with a shot?"

His eyes held hers captive and she couldn't lie. "I don't know. Maybe. If it happens, it happens." She reached out and placed her hand over his heart. "Don't wait for me though, Danny. Live your life, move on..."

"Don't give up hope, but don't stake my happiness on it either?" he suggested, his fingers closing over hers and squeezing lightly.

She smiled, the expression bittersweet. "Exactly. If it's meant to be, circumstances will bring us together again, I truly believe that. As for tonight…"

"Stay with me." He abruptly sat up, possessively curling his arm around her waist to bring her closer to him. "Please. I'm not ready to let you go yet."

She traced the side of his face with the tips of her fingers and rested her forehead against his. "I'll be gone in the morning," she whispered, her breath warm and sweet against his lips as their mouths met in a soft, butterfly of a kiss.

"So I'll take tonight," he murmured before his lips closed purposefully over hers in a kiss that he hoped would last him a lifetime.

Her arms came around his neck, her mouth willingly parting under the insistent pressure of his lips. Rolling her beneath him, he proceeded to love her with his heart, body and soul until, exhausted and spent, they eventually drifted off to sleep in each other's arms.

It was the kind of night that called for a happy ending, but in the morning when he awoke, she was gone and he was alone.

**OOOOOO**

_**Twenty-four hours later…**_

"Danny?"

Danny looked up in response to Mac's hesitant query. Following his colleague's concerned gaze, he saw her standing like an ethereal wraith in the corridor outside. Their eyes met for a long, intense moment before he forced himself to look away. The deep sense of sorrow made his heart ache, but, in spite of that, he felt like a whole person again. It was no longer as if there was something missing from his life. He was finally ready to embrace his future and not let the echoes of the past stand in his way.

He sighed. "Go talk to her, Mac," he urged. "It's you she came to see, not me. We said our goodbyes the other night."

Mac nodded, and then moved out into the corridor towards his pretty young protégé from Bozeman. He held out his hands to her as he approached and she lifted her own to slip her fingers into his.

"Lindsay…" He smiled down into her upturned face. "I'd hoped to persuade you to come home."

She returned his smile a little sadly. "Yes, I know. I didn't mean to disappoint you."

He shrugged that off. "You know that if you ever need anything… a job, a reference, anything, you only have to call."

"I know, Mac," she told him earnestly. "And I appreciate it, I do." She looked beyond him to Danny then, concern pooling in the rich chocolate of her eyes. "Is he all right?"

Mac nodded. "He will be."

Lindsay sighed. "I wish it could have been different, but it's not as easy to turn the clock back as you might think. I thought, once I knew the truth, it would be a simple matter of putting it all behind me and moving on, but it hasn't turned out that way. I'm glad we've had this chance to set things straight, but..."

"It's still too soon to contemplate anything more?" Mac cut in.

Lindsay nodded, relieved at his understanding. "I still love him, Mac – and I've forgiven him, I have. I'm just not quite ready to trust him with my heart again. If we tried to make a go of things now, I think that uncertainty would drive us apart."

Mac nodded. "Danny told me you've broken things off with Steven as well?"

Lindsay's eyes filled with melancholy remorse. "Yes. I finally realised I'd been living in a fantasy world where he was concerned. I was very much on the rebound when we first got involved. He felt safe because he was so different from Danny, but it was never going to work out in the long term." She sighed. "I just wish I could convince him of that."

"He hasn't taken it very well, I assume?"

Lindsay shook her head. Breaking things off with her boyfriend had been considerably less pleasant than her bittersweet parting with Danny had been. She'd gone to see Steven first, feeling that she owed him that under the circumstances. And because - if she was being completely honest with herself – she'd had an inkling of what might happen between her and Danny later too.

It was exactly as Danny had said as they'd lain together in the warm, heady haze of mutual afterglow. They'd both wanted it. They'd needed to reconnect on a physical level because, without doing so, they'd never have been able to move on. That night had been the catharsis of everything that they'd held inside since their painful parting two years before. It was a memory that Lindsay would treasure until her dying day. Even if fate did not opt to reconcile the two of them in the future, she would forever hold that night close to her heart.

In contrast to Danny's quiet acceptance of her decision, Steven had been angry, upset, and disbelieving of it however. He'd tried to persuade her that she was making a mistake, but she'd been adamant in her resolve. The reason she'd been so torn apart by indecision was simply because there had been no choice for her to make. The plain fact of the matter was that she wasn't ready to be in a relationship with either man right now.

Once she'd realised that, it had all fallen into place for her. She could finally see her relationship with Steven for what it was – a mercifully safe harbour in the midst of an emotional tempest. Unfortunately, it was a haven that she had to break free of if she was ever going to find her way home. He was a nice guy and she cared for him deeply, but, ultimately, he wasn't the one for her. She needed someone a little more unpredictable, someone who challenged her to be everything that she wanted, and believed, she could be.

Danny fit the bill in that respect, but there was still a lingering doubt in her mind about whether they could really make it work. Only time would tell on that score. She needed to experience life without the need of another person's approval to validate her existence. Danny, in turn, needed to work through the last remaining strands of his breakdown and weave his life back into proper order.

For that reason, she hadn't wanted them to make any solid promises about the future because, in truth, there were no guarantees to be had. She would always love him, he would always be one of her most significant others. Whether he was _the_ significant other was still unknown to her. Who knew what might happen a year from now, two years even? Either one of them could meet someone who fulfilled their heart's desire in a way that they hadn't found with each other. You just couldn't predict what the future held.

What was it that Danny had said the night of the storm? '_Fate's going to happen whatever. You can't stop it so why try?'_

It made perfect sense to her now. She was determined to stop endlessly wondering about what might have been, and instead let what would be, just be.

Standing on her tiptoes, she hugged her former boss with ready affection. "It was good to see you, Mac. Stay in touch, yeah?"

He returned her hug with equal sincerity. "Sure. Take care of yourself, Lindsay."

Tucking a stray strand of her honey-blonde hair behind her ear, she smiled up at him. "I will," she said as she stepped back. "Goodbye Mac."

She reached out and lightly squeezed his hand before turning away and retreating down the corridor. As she passed by the glass-fronted office to her left, she lifted her hand in a silent farewell to Danny. He nodded at her with a glimmer of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, and a look in his eyes that told her everything that she needed to know. He'd be okay, they both would, and as for the future? Well, you just never knew, did you?

Despite the fact that it was Sunday, Ryan, Calleigh and Eric were all in the break-room when she got there. It was almost as if they had been waiting for her, which, for all she knew, they had.

Rising to her feet, Calleigh crossed the room and hugged her tightly. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," she assured her friend as she returned the embrace.

Over Calleigh's shoulder, she saw Ryan exchange a concerned look with Eric. "What?" she asked as she and Calleigh broke apart.

"I don't think Steven's going to accept this lying down," Ryan told her. "He was here earlier." He pointed to the heart-shaped box of luxury chocolates on the central table. "He left those for you."

Lindsay sighed. "He showed up at my place last night too – with a dozen red roses. I don't think he believed me on Friday when I told him I wasn't going back to Danny. Obviously, now that he does, he thinks he can change my mind about me and him. I tried to convince him otherwise, but I'm not sure he got the message. It'll sink in eventually."

"Yeah well if it doesn't and he continues to hassle you, you just call us, okay?" Eric said.

Lindsay grinned and threw a mischievous sidelong glance at Calleigh. "Doesn't it just make you swoon when they come over all protective?" she joked.

Calleigh laughed. "Honey, I'm all of a flutter. It's almost enough to make you forget you're a trained professional with a registered fire-arm." She fluttered her eyelashes exaggeratedly at the two men.

Lindsay giggled and then took pity on the chagrined-looking CSIs. "Boys, you're terribly sweet," she said, hooking a hand through an arm of each, "But I really don't think Steven's the type to turn stalker on me. And if he is, I'll just slap a restraining order on him. Now, if you were wanting to cheer me up and flex your manly muscles in the process… I don't think me or Calleigh would complain if you treat us both to lunch."

She shot them a beatific smile and Ryan groaned somewhat theatrically in response. "Are you sure you don't want to go back to New York?" he asked rather plaintively. "Or better still, Montana. I'd buy the ticket if you're short of cash."

"Ryan!" Calleigh's indignant cry of protest was swift and immediate.

Lindsay though, simply laughed. "Tough luck, wise-ass," she told him. "I'm here to ruin your day for the foreseeable future so suck it up and deal, buddy."

"She has such a delightful turn of phrase, don't you think?" Ryan said to no-one in particular as they made to leave.

The friendly banter and shared laughter continued all the way down the corridor and then followed them out into the dazzling Miami sunshine…

**OOOOOO**

_**New York…**_

It was raining on their return, but strangely, it seemed to lift rather than depress his mood. Miami had been an experience, but, for Danny, this was and always would be home.

As was…"Stella!"

He was enveloped in a perfumed hug which he submitted to with genuine affection. Eventually, she drew back and looked him deep in the eyes. "You okay?" she asked.

He nodded. "I've been better, but I'm not broken. I'm guessing Lindsay called you?"

Stella nodded. "I have strict instructions to make sure you don't wallow."

Danny laughed. "That isn't what she said," he said knowingly.

Stella smiled. "No, I think her exact words were 'take care of him for me, Stella'"

"And you made the rest up yourself, huh?"

She shrugged. "Poetic licence."

Mac's laughter joined his own. "Now," Stella insinuated herself between the two men. "You have a couple of hours to freshen up before you're expected to put in an appearance."

"Put in an appearance where?" Mac asked.

Stella named a popular Italian restaurant that was regularly frequented by most of the Crime Lab employees. "Just a little get together," she said with a shrug, "A kind of welcome home for you both."

She turned to Danny. "Don says you need to get some carbs into you before he whips your ass on the basketball court tomorrow."

Danny raised his eyebrows. "Oh, is that right, huh?"

Stella nodded. "Yeah, and I'm trusting you to burst his bubble so don't even thinking about letting me down, big guy."

Danny grinned. "You can count on me, Stella. Believe me, Detective Over-Confident is gonna be eating his words."

"That's the spirit," Stella said, tucking her arm companionably through his. "Just make sure he cries, huh?" She held up her free hand with her thumb and forefinger a few centimetres apart. "Just a little bit."

She shot him her signature smile and Danny laughed. Nudging his shoulder with hers, she squeezed his bicep with friendly affection. "You're going to be okay, kiddo," she said, her voice shifting into a softer, more soothing tone.

Danny nodded. "Yeah, yeah, I reckon I am," he agreed, and then smiled. "It's good to be home."

"There's no place like it," Stella concurred as they stepped out into the drizzly rain. "Although I think I'd prefer the Miami sunshine right about now," she said, looking up at the grey, scudding clouds above in mild disgust as she produced an umbrella to protect her riot of dark curly hair from the encroaching damp.

"Nah, it's over-rated," Danny said with a shake of his head as Mac stepped forward to hail the three of them a cab.

As the ubiquitous yellow vehicle pulled up alongside them and the driver got out to help load their luggage into the trunk, Danny stood apart from his companions for a moment, taking some time to absorb the familiar sights, sounds and smells of his home city. Stella was right, he decided. When your heart was aching and you weren't sure what came next, there really was no place like home…

_Now if I was phenomenally__ cruel, I would end this story here. However, I'm a nice person so: _

_**To be continued…**_


	8. Letting Fate Decide

**WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN**

**Disclaimer: **The characters in CSI: New York and CSI: Miami do not belong to me. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.

**Summary: **After her and Danny's difficult break-up, Lindsay Monroe is transferred to the Miami Crime Lab. Two years later and the past comes knocking on her door…

**Notes: **Hello there – here is another chapter for you all. Not got much else to say for once (!) other than read on and enjoy... x

**OOOOOO**

_**Part 8**__** – Letting Fate Decide**_

_**Thir**__**teen months later…**_

The elaborately embossed invitation had arrived six weeks earlier. To Lindsay, it seemed that the time since then had passed in a mere blink of an eye. Before she knew it, she was looking down over the legendary city, while her plane circled in a temporary holding pattern, waiting for its slot to land.

She stole a glance at the man sitting in the seat next to her. He'd been watching her carefully from behind his habitual sunglasses for the last half an hour, but she'd remained unaware of his silent scrutiny, her mind distracted by thoughts of the anticipated reunion ahead. She gave him a small smile of acknowledgement before turning her attention back to the view from the oval window to her left.

All of a sudden, there she was - Lady Liberty – rising like a female Poseiden out of the shimmering blue water, her torch held proudly aloft. The famous landmark gave her the same sense of homecoming that the wheat-fields and mountains of her birth place always did, even though she hadn't set foot in the Big Apple for more than three years now.

Her heart leapt into her throat as a heady feeling of anticipation filled her. She had no idea what the next few days held in store for her, but she was burning to find out. Hope and Destiny were about to collide and she could only speculate at the outcome. Would her heart rise again like a phoenix from the ashes? Or had the time finally come to lay the ghosts of her past permanently to rest?

Either way, by the end of the weekend, she'd know for certain, and then her life, like this plane, would be released from its current inertia and would finally start to move towards its intended destination…

**OOOOOO**

_**Later that same day**__**…**_

A plastic-wrapped garment bag slung casually over his right forearm, Danny Messer took the steps out of the subway station two at a time. Spring was fading rapidly into summer and the sunshine was warm on his back as he walked the couple of blocks from the station to his apartment. Fortunately, the time of year meant that the heat was still fresh and pleasant, rather than sticky and uncomfortable as it was prone to be during the late summer months in the city.

Despite being forced to wear a restricting tuxedo, he was surprised to find himself actually looking forward to the NYPD function that night. Normally, he avoided this type of formal occasion like the plague. The reason for this particular event made it an exception to that rule, however. Going solo didn't worry him either, even though practically everyone he knew had offered to set him up with a cousin, sister, friend, or even a friend of a friend if he was so inclined.

Having only broken up with his girlfriend Maya five weeks before however, he was content to attend alone. For the first few months following his sojourn in Miami, he'd not been interested in dating anyone, needing to come to terms with what had occurred between him and Lindsay first. Gradually though, the deep sorrow and nagging sense of missed opportunity had lessened and he had re-activated his lost social life with renewed vigour.

What he hadn't expected was how his experiences had changed his attitude towards the world of dating. He was no longer the carefree bachelor he once was. His relationship with Lindsay had taught him the value of finding a real emotional connection with someone. He wasn't just looking for no-strings fun anymore, he wanted more than that now. Consequently, he was much more selective about the women he went out with.

He'd first met Maya at the bodega near his apartment. They'd exchanged pleasant small talk while waiting in line to pay, and he'd unexpectedly felt that spark of initial attraction for her that he hadn't properly experienced in a number of years now. He'd bumped into her a couple more times around the neighbourhood over the next few weeks, before he'd eventually taken the bull by the horns and invited her out for coffee.

Twenty-nine and originally from Iowa, she'd moved to New York at the age of fourteen when her father had gotten a job in the City. She lived in the apartment block across the street from him and worked as a kindergarten teacher in Brooklyn. Sweet and intelligent, she had that same girl-next-door appeal that his former love had possessed. At first that had bothered him, because he wasn't looking for a Lindsay substitute. Eventually though, he realised that it was fundamentally a good thing. Being with Lindsay had opened his eyes to what really appealed to him in a woman, so it was only natural that Maya shared some personality traits with his former girlfriend.

As he got to know her better, his initial worries faded away. Yes, Maya had a lot in common with Lindsay, but in other ways, she was very different from her. She was a lot surer of herself and much more comfortable in her own skin, for instance. But, at the same time, she was considerably more innocent of the darker side of life. Physically, the two women were like chalk and cheese. Whereas Lindsay had been honey-blonde, slim and petite, Maya was tall and curvy with a silky mane of rich chestnut hair. Their relationship had lasted six enjoyable months before they'd finally decided to call time on it just over a month ago.

As much as he'd liked and enjoyed her company, he'd always known, deep down, that it wasn't going to last. It sounded kind of crazy, but she was just that little bit too nice for his taste. He needed someone with more of an edge to them, someone who challenged him on every level. Another obstacle was the fact that Maya was planning to move back to her home-state in a couple of years' time, and he couldn't honestly see himself ever leaving New York. It was where he belonged. He and the Big Apple were like peanut butter and jelly in that respect.

Therefore, rather than either of them getting in any deeper than was wise, he thought it best to make the break now before things went too far. He'd never had to end a relationship where he was so emotionally invested before though, and it was considerably more difficult than he expected. Maya had been upset, but had fortunately understood where he was coming from.

Several other truths had come to light during that painful conversation, and they'd left him with no doubt that he'd done the right thing in breaking up with her. Maya had admitted that she'd never been all that comfortable with his job, for example. You had to have enormous strength to be the partner of an officer from the NYPD and he knew not everyone was cut out to deal with it. She'd handled it by convincing herself that he mainly worked in the Lab and rarely went out in the field, but he suspected it would have become more of an issue if they'd stayed together.

Ultimately, Maya was looking for someone to settle down and raise a couple of kids with. She wanted a quiet life and he was never going to be able to give her that. In the end, their split was a mutual decision, and, luckily, they'd managed to keep it amicable so that living not far from each other wasn't an issue for them.

Lost in thought, he wasn't paying much attention to his surroundings as he walked, so the familiar figure sitting on the steps outside his apartment block didn't register until he was almost upon her. When he did finally become aware of her presence, he stopped in his tracks and stared, unable to quite believe what – or rather who - he was seeing.

Somewhat unnerved by his obvious shock, Lindsay rose to her feet with a hesitant smile of greeting. "Hey!"

"Hey!" he managed, his voice coming out a little croaky.

"You look like someone just knocked the wind out of you," she remarked with a nervous laugh.

Danny ran his fingers through his hair. "Yeah, I…" He stopped, blew out his breath from between his lips to calm the fireflies flitting about in his stomach. "I suppose I should have realised that they'd invite you - what with tonight being in Mac's honour and everything."

Lindsay nodded. "I'm sorry, I should have called or something." She brushed a stray lock of her hair back from her face. "I umm… I figured we should talk before tonight."

Recovering himself a little, Danny started up the short flight of steps towards her. "Yeah, yeah, we should," he agreed. "Come on up."

He buzzed them into the Lobby and they took elevator up. "Penthouse suite," he quipped as the doors pinged open on the top floor.

Lindsay smiled as they stepped out of the elevator and made their way down the corridor towards the apartment at the end. "You moved apartment," she said, stating the obvious for the lack of something better to say.

"Yeah, not long after I got out of the hospital," Danny replied. "I couldn't stay at my old place. I needed a fresh start, a new neighbourhood, you know?" He shot her a quizzical look as he fished out his key from his inside jacket pocket. "How did you know where I lived anyway?"

"Stella gave me your address."

He nodded as he slid the key into the lock. "Of course, guess I should have thought of that, huh?"

Lindsay frowned. "Do you mind?"

He shook his head. "No, no, of course not," he said as he pushed open the door. "Come in," he invited, waving her inside.

Lindsay looked around curiously as she entered the apartment. It was bigger and airier than his previous place, but the decor was still very Danny. He'd replaced the battered sofa and armchairs with new ones, but she spied other items of furniture that she did recognise. His pool table stood in the far corner of the main living space and she smiled. "You kept it!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.

"What?" Danny looked up enquiringly. He followed her gaze and a slow smile spread across his face. "Oh... yeah, I couldn't get rid of it. It's a piece of history." He winked playfully at her and she giggled, her cheeks flushing a little in reaction.

"Coffee?" he asked then.

She nodded. "Yeah, that'd be good."

He went through into the small kitchenette while she wandered aimlessly around the living space, running her fingers over the furniture before pausing for a few moments to take in the view from the large picture window. As she turned away, her gaze was drawn to a photo-frame standing in a prominent position on the desk unit. Danny and the attractive brunette were sitting side-by-side on a concrete step, their hands entwined and their heads close together. Both had beaming smiles on their faces and she felt her stomach lurch at the clear contentment in their eyes.

He looked so happy. How could she tell him that there wasn't a day in the last thirteen months that she hadn't thought of him? She'd tried to stay in touch, but he'd rebuffed her attempts to do so, gently telling her that he needed space and that he'd contact her when he was ready to resume their friendship. She'd had to respect his feelings on the matter, but had never stopped hoping to see his email address in her Inbox whenever she logged on to her computer - either at work or at home – all the same.

When Danny came back into the room with two steaming cups of coffee, she hastily replaced the photo back on the desk. "Thanks," she said, taking the cup he offered her, suddenly unsure about whether coming here had been the right thing to do after all.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I know you said you would contact me when you were ready, but I…"

"Lindsay, it's all right," he cut in. "I'd have contacted you myself, but circumstances made that a little difficult."

"The woman in the picture?" she asked as she sat down on the sofa.

Danny nodded as he took a seat in the armchair opposite. "Maya, yes. Renewing contact with an ex-girlfriend when I was involved with someone else didn't seem very appropriate somehow."

"So she…she'll be there tonight?" Lindsay queried.

Danny shook his head. "No – we broke up a month or so ago."

"Oh." She looked down into her coffee cup, trying to tamp down her innate curiosity over the current state of his love-life.

Danny grinned at her attempts to appear nonchalant. "And no, there isn't anyone else," he added.

Lindsay's gaze shot up to meet his. "I wasn't going to ask that," she protested.

Danny chuckled knowingly. "Yeah, Montana, you were."

Discomfited, she looked away, tears threatening at his innocent use of his nickname for her. God, she'd missed him. She hadn't realised how much until now. She hadn't been entirely celibate in the last thirteen months, but she hadn't had anything approaching a real relationship with anyone either. For Danny, this obviously wasn't the case, and she wasn't sure how she felt about that. Even though she'd told him to move on, the self-centred part of her had secretly hoped that he'd spent the last year pining for her. Clearly, that wasn't so.

She shook her head, trying to shake off the unwelcome emotions. He hadn't owed her anything. He'd lived his life as she'd asked him to. She set the coffee cup aside. "I shouldn't have come…" she said, rising abruptly to her feet.

Danny caught her arm as she moved towards the door. "I thought you wanted to talk before tonight?"

"I did! I just… I don't know what I was expecting." She agitatedly wrung her hands together. "Maybe more than I thought, more than there is."

She tried to pull away from him, but his grip on her arm inexorably tightened, preventing her from doing so. "Don't put words into my mouth, Lindsay," he reprimanded her.

"I wasn't…"

"You were," he retorted. "You expected to come here and have me fall at your feet in gratitude…"

Lindsay shook her head in denial. "No, no, I didn't…"

"On some level you did," Danny countered. "And just because I haven't done that, you think there's nothing left between us?"

"I…" She looked down at her feet, confused and unbelievably ashamed. "I don't know."

Danny sighed. "I had a relationship – with someone I loved. It didn't work out, but you were not the reason for that and that's a good thing as far as I'm concerned. It shows I'm capable of having a proper relationship with someone other than you. If something happens between us now then I know it's a conscious choice. That's what you wanted, isn't it? For us to be absolutely certain that this is the right thing?"

Lindsay nodded. "Yes." She gave him a sheepish smile. "I'm sorry; I'm not handling this very well, am I?"

"Maybe you built up too many expectations?" he suggested.

"Yeah, maybe I did," she agreed, grateful for the get-out clause he'd offered her. "I've been thinking about this constantly for almost six weeks now."

"Look at me." Danny reached out and cupped her face in his hands, brushing his thumbs lightly across her cheekbones in a soothing gesture.

"I'm not saying no, okay?" he reassured her. "The truth is I couldn't allow myself to hope because then I wouldn't have been able to move on. If you're saying that you want to give us another shot then I'll consider it, of course I will. I just need some time to adjust to the idea, that's all."

Lindsay studied him carefully, her mind racing. What did she want? She'd come here with the expectation of something, she just wasn't sure exactly what. "You're not the only one who needs time to adjust," she admitted. "I missed you, Danny, so much, but I…" She broke off and shrugged. "I don't know."

Danny nodded. "We've not seen or really spoken to each other for over a year, I don't think it's possible for either of us to know for sure right now. I do think there's still a chance for us though, which is definitely an opportunity that I want to explore."

Relaxing a little, Lindsay smiled. "Yeah, me too."

"So we take our time. See how it goes," he said and then looked at her speculatively. "So, you got a date for tonight?"

"Besides H' you mean?" She shook her head. "No, no, I haven't."

"Would he mind if I cut in?"

"I could ask him," Lindsay said coyly and then laughed. "I think he'd be ok with that, yeah. He's probably half-expecting it to be honest."

Danny nodded. "Good – so I'll pick you up at Stella's at around seven then?"

"Stella's?"

"You two are doing the 'girl thing', right?"

"The 'girl thing'?" Lindsay said, giggling at his terminology before she capitulated. She and Stella were indeed doing the 'girl thing' as he so charmingly put it.

She smiled. "Stella's at seven will be fine," she told him.

**OOOOOO**

At six pm, the butterflies were out of control.

"I'm not sure about the dress," she said to Stella in a panic. The older detective was sitting on the bed, calmly painting her toe-nails while Lindsay agitatedly paced up and down in a thin robe, her hair still tousled and wet from her recent shower.

"It's beautiful, Lindsay," her former colleague told her, wiggling her toes to dry the scarlet-red lacquer.

Lindsay studied the dress hanging on the back of the closet door through critical eyes. "You don't think it's too…" She waved her hands around in an attempt to illustrate her point - whatever that was.

Stella's low laughter cut through her anxiety. "Relax and take a few deep breaths, kiddo," she recommended.

Lindsay did that and then made a small sound of frustration in the back of her throat. "I don't know why I'm so nervous," she said.

"Because it means something even if you don't want to admit it?" Stella suggested knowingly.

Lindsay nodded thoughtfully. "I guess it does. I want it to work, Stella; I just don't know whether it will."

"You need to calm down and just let it happen," her friend advised. "If it's right, you'll know."

"It's not as simple as that though, is it? If we decide to get back together, one of us would have to move – or rather I'd have to move. Danny would never be at home in Miami."

"And you don't think you could be at home here in New York?"

Lindsay shook her head. "No, I know I can be. This is home to me almost as much as Montana is."

"So where's the obstacle?"

Lindsay sighed. "My career is important to me too, Stella."

"You know Mac would offer you a position in a second."

"I know he'd want to," Lindsay acknowledged with an incline of her head. "But I'm not completely naïve. There is such a thing as a departmental budget. He can't just hire someone on a whim."

"No, he can't." Stella agreed, "But I wouldn't worry about that unless it becomes a reality."

Privately, she knew it wouldn't be a problem. Call it luck or providence, but Mac had only just that week received the go-ahead to hire two more CSIs – one at entry level, the other more experienced. If this weekend resulted in reconciliation between Danny and Lindsay, Stella was one hundred percent certain that the second of the two posts would go to the latter without hesitation.

She knew Mac too well. He may appear to be stoic and unaffected by emotions as far as work was concerned, but he possessed the same soft spot for their two younger colleagues that she did. He wouldn't hire anyone he didn't believe wasn't up to the job, but that simply wasn't the case here. There was no way he would stand in the way of Danny and Lindsay's future happiness, no way at all. And if he did, she would give him holy hell until he changed his mind.

Satisfied that her toe-nails were suitably dry, she scooted to the edge of the mattress and stood up. "Come on," she said, taking charge of situation since Lindsay seemed to have lost all ability to think straight. "Let's sort out this hair of yours before it's too dry to style properly. Are we going with 'up' or 'down'?" she enquired.

In the end, she left it down so that it fell in artfully tousled waves around her face, just skimming the tops of her bare shoulders. Stella had fixed a scattering of diamante accessories into the tumbling curls, which sparkled as she turned from side to side and assessed her reflection in the full length mirror.

The dress she'd chosen was strapless, the top-half close fitting, the skirt slightly flared and ending just above the knee. The fabric was a rich royal blue satin and the bodice was decorated with a swirling design of small, hand-embroidered flowers in turquoise, lilac and silver. It showed off a bit more flesh than Lindsay was used to, but nothing she was uncomfortable with. Her time in Miami had given her a light, natural tan and her skin glowed with health and vitality. The shoes she'd splurged on in Barney's that morning complimented the outfit to perfection if she did say so herself.

"Worth every dime," Stella said over her shoulder as she held out her right leg to admire the ridiculously expensive footwear.

Lindsay laughed. "I'm just going to shut my eyes when I get my credit card statement."

Stella grinned. "Best way," she agreed and then lightly touched the younger woman's slender shoulders. "You look beautiful, honey."

Lindsay turned. "And you look, like 'wow!'" she said, as she admired the show-stopping red number that sleekly encased her friend's tall willowy frame. She'd never have been able to pull anything like that off, but Stella did so with natural aplomb and sky-scrapper heels.

The doorbell sounded and she jumped. "What time is it?"

"Six fifty-five," Stella replied. "I'll answer it - you get ready to make an entrance."

Lindsay laughed. "Stella!"

"It's all in the presentation," her friend said over her shoulder as she moved out of the bedroom. "Work with me here, okay?"

"Hey Stell'" Danny greeted when she opened the door to him. Stepping over the threshold, he paused to give her a deliberate once-over. "Nice dress," he commented with an impudent wink.

"Behave yourself!" She slapped him lightly on the arm in reprimand.

"It was a compliment!"

"Hmm," Stella mused, not convinced. "Did you bring flowers? A corsage?" she demanded.

"No."

She frowned at him in censure. "You did go to your prom, didn't you?"

"Yes, but a corsage is so passé. I've got something better." He patted his jacket pocket confidently.

"Hey!"

He turned; let his gaze travel slowly from head down to toe and then back up again to her familiar face. He smiled broadly. "Looking good, Monroe," he drawled and had to suppress a chuckle at the sound of Stella's disgusted 'Tsk!" from behind him.

Lindsay was floored, absolutely speechless. She had _never_ seen him so formally attired. He wore the tuxedo with remarkable assurance, considering casual bordering on scruffy was his usual mode of dress. The bow-tie was a little skewed, but that just added to the overall effect.

"You don't look so bad yourself, Messer," she returned, taking her cue from his deliberately un-flowery language, "Very James Bond."

He straightened the cummerbund around his middle with an exaggerated gesture. "Enjoy it while it lasts, babe," he told her. "It's a definite one-off."

Lindsay laughed. "Only for Mac, hey?"

"He owes me big time." He shot a backward glance at Stella. "She thinks I should have brought flowers," he said, leaning forward conspiratorially but not bothering to keep his voice down. He withdrew an envelope from his inside pocket. "I thought these were better."

Lindsay took the envelope from his outstretched hand and opened it. Stella rolled her eyes at the contents. "Please tell me those aren't what they look like," she said.

"Tickets to the Game tomorrow," Danny confirmed, "So much better than flowers."

Stella shook her head. "Not a romantic bone in his body," she remarked.

Lindsay had to disagree – he just wasn't one for over-the-top PDA's was all. In private though – well, that was a different story. And besides, the Game'd be fun. Flowers, while undeniably beautiful, would just wither and die after all.

"Thank-you," she said simply, and then handed the envelope back to him. "You keep these safe," she said. "I'm staying at my hotel tonight," she explained off his quizzical look.

"Ahh," Danny said knowingly, throwing a meaningful look in Stella's direction as he tucked the tickets back into his inside pocket. "Someone wants their privacy, huh?"

"Danny!"

Both woman shot him censorious looks and he laughed, holding up his hands in playful defence. "Don't shoot, ladies!"

Lindsay shook her head in exasperation. "I think we better get out of here before your overactive mouth gets you into even more trouble," she decided. "I'll just go and get my purse."

"Oof!" Danny exclaimed in protest when Stella thumped him lightly in the back once Lindsay was out of ear-shot. "What was that for?"

"You could have been a little more effusive," she said. "The girl has been tying herself up in knots for the past few hours."

"Oh yeah?" Danny was absurdly pleased by that and he couldn't quite suppress the resultant grin.

"Watch the ego, kid," Stella advised dryly. "Or your head isn't going to fit through the door when you leave."

Danny laughed.

"The point is this means a lot to her," Stella continued, "More than she realises and certainly more than she's ready to admit. Just take care, okay?"

"It matters to me too, Stella," Danny told her, serious now, "But I'm not going to make any rash decisions. Things have changed for me over the past year and that could have affected the way I feel about her, I just don't know. Spending some quality time with each other is the only way we'll discover whether the two of us still have a future or not."

"Hence the game tomorrow."

"Hence the game tomorrow," Danny agreed. "Tonight'll be fun, but it's not really us. It's more the kind of thing her ex-boyfriend would take her to. I think it's best if…"

He broke off at the sound of footsteps returning, his face splitting into a wide smile when Lindsay came back into view. "So?" he enquired, holding out his hand in invitation. "Shall we go?"

A delicate blush tinged Lindsay's cheeks before she nodded her assent. Closing the gap between them, she slid her fingers into his and looked shyly up at him through lowered lashes. "Yeah," she agreed softly. "Let's go."

Stella watched them leave with a knowing smile tugging at the corner of her lips. She wasn't normally a gambling woman, but if there was a book on the possibility of a reconciliation between those two, she would definitely be placing a bet because it was a damn near sure thing as far as she was concerned.

**OOOOOO**

_**Several hours later…**_

The whole evening had been a surreal experience for Lindsay. Being once again in the company of her former work colleagues was like coming home after a long journey. Her New York contemporaries had welcomed her back almost as if she'd never been gone, and she'd spent most of the past few hours catching up on all the news and gossip that she'd missed out on over the last three years.

It had been somewhat disconcerting to meet her replacement at the Crime Lab however. She couldn't prevent the flash of unreasonable jealousy at how well Detective Amy Trent seemed to fit into the tight-knit team. Danny was the only person that she didn't seem to particularly connect with, and that puzzled Lindsay because he was usually effortlessly friendly with newcomers as a rule.

"He was a mess when Amy first joined us," Sheldon Hawkes told her when she expressed that opinion to him. "It was right before his breakdown and I think he was acutely aware that she was only there because of how badly he'd treated you. She got on the wrong end of his temper a couple of times, which can't have been easy for her, especially when she was adjusting to a new work environment. I know he apologised later, but it's been difficult for them to get over that initial hurdle. He's embarrassed by the way he behaved and she thinks he wishes she were you."

He smiled fondly at her. "Which is probably true on some level, of course, but Danny's not the type to hold it against her. She doesn't really know him well enough to realise that though."

Lindsay nodded in understanding. It made sense. "Maybe I should talk to her."

"It's not your responsibility to resolve their issues, Lindsay."

"I know, but it seems a shame, you know? Everyone else is such good friends."

Sheldon laughed. "So you want to be the instrument via which Danny gets on better with a hot young woman?" he teased.

Lindsay wrinkled her nose in distaste. "Well, if you put it that way…"

Sheldon laughed again and then rose to his feet. "Dance with me?" he invited, holding his hand out towards her.

"What about your date?" Lindsay asked as she slid out of her chair to join him.

"She won't mind me sharing one dance with an old friend," he told her.

After Hawkes had gotten the ball rolling, it seemed to Lindsay that she was passed from one male colleague to the next. She danced with Flack, Horatio, Sid and even Adam before she was finally approached by the man of the moment.

"Thank-you for coming," Mac said as they circled the dance-floor.

"My pleasure," she replied with a smile. "I'm surprised you agreed to it. I wouldn't have thought that this was your kind of thing."

Mac grimaced a little. "It isn't really, but you have to play the game sometimes."

"And being a bonafide hero helps, of course," Lindsay added with a laugh.

Mac looked a little uncomfortable. "I don't really look at it that way," he said.

Lindsay smiled. "No, you wouldn't and that's what makes you all the more deserving in my opinion."

"And now you're really trying to embarrass me," he reprimanded with a smile.

They danced on in silence for a while, both comfortable with the lack of conversation. From across the ballroom, Mac could see Stella gesturing urgently at him, and he shook his head in exasperation. The woman was on a mission, make no mistake.

"You are going to offer Lindsay that job, aren't you?" she'd asked, or rather told him as they'd shared a dance earlier that evening.

"Stella…"

"She wants him back," Stella interrupted. "She's afraid to admit it, but I know it's what she wants. And Danny might be acting all cool about her being here, but he wants it too, you can tell. Both of them are so transparent. All you'd be doing is making things a little easier for them. The rest is up to them."

"Maya meant a lot to Danny, Stella," Mac said, feeling that he should add a note of caution in the face of her overenthusiastic meddling.

"I know that, but deep down it wasn't right was it? Isn't that why he ended it?"

"Yes but…"

"Did you have someone else in mind for the job?" Stella asked with deliberate emphasis.

Mac sighed. He couldn't deny it – Lindsay had been his first thought when the authorisation to recruit more staff had crossed his desk. "Okay," he gave in. "I'll talk to her."

"There see," she said, reaching out to straighten his bow-tie, "That wasn't so hard, was it?"

Mac shook his head. "You're incorrigible, Detective Bonasera."

"Ahh, but you love me anyway," she replied with a wide smile.

He'd laughed in spite of himself.

Back in the present, Mac looked down at the young woman in his arms. "So, how does it feel?" he asked. "Being back in New York again?"

"Umm… kind of strange to be honest," Lindsay replied. "In some ways, it's like I've never been gone. In others, well, it feels like I'm running to catch up with everyone."

"So if the circumstances were right, you would consider moving back?"

"By 'circumstances', I assume you mean Danny?"

Mac nodded.

Lindsay sighed. "You'd think the answer would be simple, wouldn't you? But it's not just about rekindling what we had together, Mac, there are other things to consider as well."

"If work is one of them then you can strike that off the list. I'll be advertising two new CSI posts at the start of next month. One of them is yours if you want it. You'll need to make up your mind in the next couple of weeks though, because I'll have to start looking for other candidates to fill the position if you decide to forgo the opportunity."

More emotional than she expected to be, Lindsay looked up at him with shiny eyes. "I don't know what to say."

"Yes would work," Mac told her matter-of-factly and she laughed.

"I'll definitely consider it," she promised. "I need to figure things out with Danny first, but thank you for the offer. After the way I left you in the lurch before, you don't owe me anything."

"Lindsay," Mac gently chided. "You shouldn't feel guilty about that. I expect those who work for me to keep their personal lives away from work where possible, but I don't expect them to be emotionless robots. You were going through a difficult time, I understood that."

"It doesn't worry you about me and Danny being together again then?"

"I wouldn't be offering you the job if it did, now would I? From previous experience, I know the two of you can stay professional on the clock, while maintaining a personal relationship out of hours. There may have been one or two glitches here and there, but, for the most part, I saw nothing that would make me view it as a significant problem. As long as you continue to keep the balance between your work and home lives right, then it doesn't worry me."

Lindsay nodded. "I guess we just need to figure out whether our relationship is worth another shot then, don't we?"

"Yes, you do. And with that in mind, I think someone is waiting to cut in." He indicated to where Danny was hovering expectantly on the edge of the dance-floor, two glasses of fruit punch in hand.

Taking her leave of Mac, Lindsay crossed to join him. "Thanks," she said, taking the drink from his hand and sipping at it gratefully. Her throat was parched after all that dancing. "I'm sorry, I've not been much of a date, have I? We hardly seem to have spoken two words all evening."

Danny took a swallow of his own drink before answering. "You were catching up, reconnecting with everyone, I get that."

"Reconnecting with everyone but the most important person," Lindsay pointed out.

"We've got all day tomorrow," Danny told her with a shrug. "And the rest of tonight if you're up for that?"

Lindsay nodded. "I'm all yours."

Danny's blue eyes took on a decidedly wicked glint. "Now there's an offer," he joked, and then laughed as Lindsay punched him lightly in the chest in retaliation.

He smiled. "How about we get outta here?" he suggested.

"You want to leave?"

Danny inclined his head. "I think we've done our duty, don't you?"

Lindsay nodded. "Okay," she agreed, "On one condition."

Danny raised his eyebrows. "I think I should probably hear this before I agree," he decided.

She smiled, the expression lighting up her pretty face like a ray of sunlight. "I was saving the last dance for you, cowboy," she informed him. "And it's about time you collected. I didn't wear this dress to dance with every guy in the room but my date."

He shot her a long, speculative look before taking the half-empty glass from her hand and placing it on the tray of a passing waiter along with his own. Encircling her waist with his right arm, he lifted her effortlessly off her feet and swung her around in wide circle as he stepped out onto the dance-floor with her.

"Danny!"

Laughing giddily, Lindsay locked her arms around his neck for balance until he set her back down on her feet again.

"That's what you were after, right?" he asked, smiling down into her upturned face. "The big romantic gesture?"

"Everyone's looking at us," she said, a rosy blush warming the apples of her cheeks beneath the carefully applied make-up.

"Let them," he told her as he tugged her closer into his body. Keeping her arms hooked loosely around his neck, Lindsay rested her head intimately against his shoulder and gave herself over to the sensation of once again being enveloped in his familiar embrace.

"Damn!" she heard Danny mutter a few moments later. "We've still got it, huh?"

Knowing from his words that he was feeling the same underlying hum of renewed attraction that she herself was experiencing, Lindsay nodded. "Yeah," she agreed softly, her body melting into his as he tightened his arms around her waist to draw her even closer against him.

"We've still got it."

_**To be continued…**_


	9. Getting Back to Love

**WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN**

**Disclaimer: **The characters in CSI: New York and CSI: Miami do not belong to me. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.

**Summary: **After her and Danny's difficult break-up, Lindsay Monroe is transferred to the Miami Crime Lab. Two years later and the past comes knocking on her door…

**Notes: **Hi! Another new chapter for you. Firstly, there is some adult talk and scenes in this one so please bear in mind the rating. Secondly, (living in the UK), I know nothing about baseball apart from what I've seen on TV and in films, so you'll have to forgive any inaccuracies about what day/time the games are held etc… I'm assuming Saturday early-to-mid afternoon in this instance.

Okay, I think that's about it with the introductory stuff. Hope you enjoy! x

**OOOOOO**

_**Part 9**__** – Getting Back To Love**_

_**Mid-morning, t**__**he following day…**_

Removing the slim wand from the tube of pale pink gloss, Lindsay smoothed a thin coat over her lips, and then stepped back to survey her reflection in the mirror in front of her. Dressed casually in a pair of snugly fitting jeans and a spaghetti-strapped purple top, her only concession to the fact that this was technically a date were the low-heeled shoes that she wore on her feet instead of the habitual sneakers that she might normally don to an event like this.

Well that and the artfully applied natural-looking make-up, the strategic spritzes of seductive perfume, and the criminally expensive La Perla lingerie, of course. Danny may have left her at her hotel room door last night with only a sizzling kiss for company, but if today went as she hoped it would then she didn't think she'd be sleeping alone again tonight.

After they'd left the party the previous evening, they'd taken a long, leisurely stroll through Central Park, regularly stopping to sit on one of the many benches that dotted the park's myriad of walkways. Their frequent breaks were ostensibly to take in their beautiful surroundings, but mainly to give Lindsay's aching feet a rest from the spectacular, if slightly uncomfortable shoes that she'd rashly splurged her money on earlier in the day. Over those two short hours, they'd talked, laughed and teased one another in the way that they used to before Ruben Sandoval's tragic death had torn their comfortable world apart at the seams.

Up until then, Lindsay had been feeling a certain amount of regret for the decision that she'd made in Miami a year or so ago, but she had re-discovered the courage of her convictions during that protracted conversation. She would never forget how he'd betrayed her, but that niggling distrust of him was no longer in existence. It had taken the past year of separation for her to finally let it go and move on though.

Danny had changed in the intervening months too. He was still the same fun-loving, slightly off-beat individual that she had fallen in love with in the first place, but there was a new maturity to his character now. She'd noticed it in Miami in relation to his work ethic, but it had become much more rounded over the past year, filtering into every aspect of his life. He'd grown up, yet had still managed to retain his unique, devil-may-care approach to life. Perhaps he, like her, had needed the closure they'd found in Miami and the time apart since then to really come to terms with who he was in the wake of everything that had happened to him.

It was as Danny had said the previous day. If they renewed their relationship now, it would be a conscious choice on both their parts. A year ago, it would have been a knee-jerk reaction to the assuaging of all the heartache they'd suffered over their painful break-up. Back then, it would have been like trying to re-build a relationship on shifting sands, whereas now they would have a considerably more solid foundation to work from.

If she were honest with herself, Lindsay had pretty much made up her mind what she wanted the previous evening. She was simply waiting for Danny to catch up with her now. She could understand him being a little wary. She'd had six weeks to think about their possible reunion, him less than twenty-four hours so far. She just hoped that the next couple of days would allay his lingering concerns. She had to fly back to Miami on Monday and she knew that it would be a lot more difficult for them to reconnect hundreds of miles apart.

She was distracted from her thoughts by the sharp rap of knuckles against the door then, and she quickly crossed the carpeted floor to answer Danny's distinctive knock.

"Hey!" she said, her face splitting into a warm smile of greeting as she stepped back to let him in.

"Hey!" he echoed, his gaze meeting hers as he pushed the door closed behind him.

The tension thickened between them until neither could resist the unrelenting pull. Lindsay stepped instinctively into Danny as he, in turn, reached impulsively for her. Their lips met and clung for a frozen moment in time, then parted for a brief, tantalising second before being drawn back together again like bees to a honey-pot. Lindsay's breath caught in her throat as Danny's hands settled low and firm in the small of her back, the tips of his fingers cheekily grazing the curve of her jean-clad bottom. Cupping his face in her hands, she kissed him back ardently, her lips willingly parting so that his tongue could tangle passionately with hers.

After about thirty seconds or so, Danny reluctantly disentangled himself from their embrace, emitting a low groan of frustration in the back of his throat as he did so. "Jesus Montana!" he cursed, running an agitated hand through his hair. "You're driving me crazy. It never used to be this bad. I used to have a modicum of self-control around you at least."

Lindsay's lips curled up into a cat-that-got-the-cream smile at his rueful confession, and he couldn't help but laugh at the supremely self-satisfied expression that lit up her coffee-coloured eyes as a result.

"Okay, I think we should get out of here," he decided. "Because, baby, if you keep looking at me like that, we're not going to make it past the door, let alone to the game."

"And that's a _bad_ thing?" Lindsay remarked, throwing a mischievous glance over her shoulder as she retrieved her purse from where it sat on top of the dresser.

"Oh no, it's a good thing," Danny said as he laced his fingers through hers and led her towards the door, "A _very_ good thing in fact. Just maybe not the most sensible thing right now."

"Spoilsport!" Lindsay pouted with faux discontent and then laughed. "Don't worry, I promise I won't jump you until after the game," she told him, leaning into him flirtatiously and wrapping her free hand around his forearm to keep him close by her side.

Danny shot her an amused sidelong glance, his blue eyes full of mirth. "Is that supposed to reassure me?" he quipped good-naturedly, "Because it sounded a whole lot like a threat to me."

"Danny!" She punched him on the upper arm in protest and he laughed as they made their way down the corridor towards the elevator. Outside on the sidewalk a few minutes later, Lindsay was somewhat surprised to see his Harley parked nearby.

"There are a couple of hours yet before we have to make our way to the Stadium," Danny explained off her questioning look. "I figured we could take a ride and then grab ourselves an early lunch before the game." He unhooked the spare helmet and offered it to her. "I retrieved this from the back of the closet where it was gathering dust."

She recognised it as the helmet he'd bought her when they'd been dating the first time around. His regular spare had been too large for her, she recalled. "The back of the closet?" she queried as she settled it on her head and allowed him to fasten the strap for her. "You buy a different helmet for all your girlfriends?"

He looked at her, confused, for a moment and then his expression cleared as her meaning dawned. "No." His laughter rang out clear and resonant. "You wouldn't have caught Maya on the back of my Harley even if you'd paid her a million dollars to do it," he said.

Lindsay smiled, her eyes dancing playfully. "Well, that's a relief. I was imagining a secret closet with hundreds of alphabetised helmets there for a minute."

"Interesting thought, Monroe, but sadly no. You were the one and only…"

"Seriously?" Her eyebrows lifted.

"Seriously," he confirmed with an incline of his head.

"Wow! I'm privileged," she declared expansively.

"Not really," Danny responded. "You were the only woman I ever went out with who didn't mind messing up her hair!"

He grinned at her and then sobered, realising how that may have sounded. "Well apart from Maya, of course," he went on. "That was more an aversion to motorbikes kind of thing."

Lindsay nodded without comment, trying to quash the unexpected jealousy that burned like acid in her stomach at his solicitousness towards his ex-girlfriend. He seemed genuinely happy to be here with her, but he spoke of Maya with such honest, underlying affection that it unnerved her a little. The woman had obviously made an impression on him. Maybe reconciliation between the two of them wasn't quite such the done deal as she'd originally thought? After all, Danny had only broken up with this Maya girl a few weeks ago…

As the Harley took off into the late morning traffic, she instinctively tightened her arms around his middle in a vain attempt to hold him closer to her. '_Please don't let it be too late,'_ she pleaded silently to anyone who would listen. '_I couldn't handle it if it were too late.'_

As if sensing her unspoken disquiet, Danny's left hand dropped briefly away from the handlebars to squeeze her fingers before he executed a sharp right turn onto the next block. Lindsay wasn't sure of their destination because, in her distraction, she hadn't thought to ask him. He was clearly taking the scenic route to wherever it was they were going however. Resting her chin on his shoulder, she forced herself to relax a little and enjoy the unique perspective of New York City's famously cosmopolitan streets.

It reminded her of the first time that they'd gone away together. They'd each taken a couple of vacation days so that a rare weekend off for them both had turned into a four-day mini-break. It was at a time shortly before they went official with their relationship and Lindsay remembered being concerned that it had been a little too obvious for them to be away at the same time.

Danny had shrugged off the whole matter with typical nonchalance however. "Well at least it'll give the Lab gossip machine something new to grind," he'd remarked languorously, and then laughed at her dismayed expression. "Come on, Montana. They're gonna find out eventually. We can't keep it a secret forever."

He'd told her to 'pack light' and it wasn't until he showed up at dawn on his Harley with the brand-new helmet in tow that she'd understood why. They'd ridden beyond the city limits and on into upstate New York, stopping for breakfast at a diner on the outskirts of the city, and then for lunch at a roadside rest-stop somewhere on the edge of a wilderness as far as her city-born boyfriend was concerned.

"If you think the absence of sky-scrappers and wall-to-wall traffic is country, Messer, then you ain't seen nothing yet," she'd told him laughingly as she climbed off the back of the bike and shook her hair free of the restrictive confines of her helmet.

"Oh yeah?" he'd said, wrapping his arms round her waist from behind and nuzzling at her neck as they headed across the parking lot towards the restaurant. "Gonna take me to meet the folks in Big Sky Country are ya, Montana?"

She'd turned in his arms and looped her arms around his neck. "If I said yes, you'd run a mile," she'd gently teased.

He'd looked down his nose at her. "You think so little of me, Miss Monroe."

"No," she'd contradicted. "I just know you."

She'd kissed him then, savouring the warm sensation that flowed through her veins as his lips moved confidently over hers. With pleasure came fear however. It didn't matter how much she tried to pretend she wasn't, she was little by little falling in love with this man and she had absolutely no idea of whether he was capable of loving her back in the same way.

"This is nice," Danny had remarked when he'd eventually lifted his lips from hers.

"What is?"

"This. Us. Away from work, away from well, everything, I guess."

She'd smiled at the sentiment, determined not to let her doubts get in the way of what this weekend was supposed to about. Just them. Alone, simply enjoying each other's company for what it was and taking pleasure in that.

Lindsay sighed. She could honestly say that, for all the time they'd been dating, she had never felt closer to him than she had during those few days of solitude. There'd been other weekends away later, but the pattern of their relationship had settled into something of a routine by that point. That first vacation had been a journey of discovery for them both. Their passion for each other had been unequivocal, their relationship fresh and new. It was only as they'd gotten closer on a day-to-day basis that the barriers had started to go up between them. After that, they'd quickly hit a brick-wall that they'd never quite managed to break down until it was too late.

"Remember that time in the cabin?" she asked Danny, forty-five minutes later as they strolled, hand in hand, towards a one-time favourite pizzeria to grab a quick slice before heading to the game.

He shot her a curious sidelong glance and then nodded with a glimmer of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "I'm not likely to forget any time soon."

"I fell in love with you that weekend," she confessed. "Not that I admitted it to myself at the time, but that's definitely when my feelings for you went beyond mere like."

There was a short pause. "I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to say to that," Danny eventually responded.

"What would you have said?" Lindsay asked, "If I'd told you?"

"Back then, you mean?" he enquired.

She nodded.

Danny sighed. "I don't know, Linds. I'd probably have freaked out and backed off to tell you the truth."

"Because you didn't feel the same?"

Danny thought about it for a moment, and then shook his head. "No, because I wasn't ready to feel the same," he said. "If I was going to look back over our relationship and pinpoint a time when you became more than just a 'friend with benefits' to me, then that weekend would probably be it. At the time though, I convinced myself it was just the sex talking."

Lindsay smiled, her brown eyes twinkling at him. "Because of course there was no shortage of that!" she remarked.

Danny grinned broadly at her, a healthy dose of male ego on display. "No, we clocked up a pretty impressive number of notches on the bedpost that weekend that was for sure," he concurred smugly.

Lindsay laughed. It was true – they'd barely left the cabin they'd rented the entire time they'd been there. The only two occasions they'd ventured out was to visit a nearby restaurant for dinner on the Saturday evening, and to take a short walk in the surrounding forest on the Sunday afternoon. The rest of the time they'd remained cut off from the outside world, immersed in their own private bubble.

It was the quiet, intimate respites between the frequent bouts of lovemaking that Lindsay remembered most clearly though. They'd talked for hours, opening up to each other in a way that they hadn't done before. All right so Danny may have held back on the experiences that he'd eventually confided to her in Miami just over a year ago, but through stories of his childhood, fledgling baseball career and subsequent training as a CSI, she'd discovered so much more about the man she was falling in love with.

In turn, she'd shared similar anecdotes of her own upbringing with him, and had also found herself confiding further details of the horrible night that had shattered her childhood innocence for good. There was no need for her to keep that part of her life a secret from him anymore. A few months earlier, he'd sat in court at Daniel Kadem's trial and listened to her sworn testimony, and then steadfastly remained by her side during the interminable wait for the verdict. She hadn't been able to tell him much more at the time; she was too emotionally drained from the effort of having to relive her ordeal in court. The intimacy of that weekend had lowered her emotional defences however, and so it was that, through Danny, she'd finally been able to put her painful past behind her and at long last begin to heal.

Back in the present, impulse had her reaching out to take his hands in hers, the act bringing them both to a standstill on the sidewalk. "I want you back," she told him, the strong emotions behind the statement making her voice tremble a little.

"No, no, you don't have to say anything," she said, placing her forefinger over his lips when he opened his mouth to speak. "This is a bolt from the blue for you, I know that. I just want to make things absolutely clear because I need you to be careful with my heart, Danny. I don't think I could handle it if… if…" she trailed off, unable to continue.

The fearful look in her eyes told Danny what she hadn't been able to articulate and he tightened his fingers around hers in response. "This isn't a game to me, Linds," he assured her. "Having said that, a lot has changed in the last twelve months and I honestly don't know where that leaves us. I have no intention of making you any promises that I can't keep though."

"You're still partly in love with Maya, aren't you?" she asked as they continued on their way down the street.

"What?" Danny's blue eyes widened at her question.

"The way you talk about her, Danny…" Lindsay tore her gaze from his and shook her head. "The two of you only split up a month ago," she pointed out.

"I know but…" Danny broke off and sighed. "Look - me and Maya – it wasn't like you and me, Lindsay. I'm sad it ended between us, of course I am, but I have no regrets about the choice I made. Maya and I - our relationship was finite, I think I always knew that. It was something I needed to experience though. It was the last piece of the jigsaw puzzle in a way – I needed the time I shared with her to prove to myself that I could be the man that I want to be, the man I know _you_ need me to be."

"So what? She was like a practise run?"

Danny chuckled. "Well, I wouldn't put it exactly like that, but I guess you could view it that way, yeah."

"But what if…" Lindsay broke off, afraid of the answer.

"What if what?" Danny pressed.

"What if she was the right one for you and I'm all wrong?" Lindsay said in a rush.

"Then we wouldn't be here now, would we?" Danny told her matter-of-factly, the statement puncturing the knotted ball of tension that had lodged in her stomach at the turn their conversation had taken.

"But we are here, Lindsay," he went on. "Try to have a little faith in that, huh? What I felt for Maya in no way diminishes my feelings for you. The fact that I can feel that kind of affection for her and still look at you and see someone that I want to be with is a testament to the strength of them, not the reverse."

"I know, I'm sorry, I'm just…" Lindsay closed her eyes. "I'm wound so tight right now…" she admitted.

"Come here." Danny drew her close, curling his left arm around her shoulders and resting his chin on the top of her head. Lindsay wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her face against his collarbone as he rubbed her back with his other hand, his palm moving in slow, soothing circles over her spine.

"Lindsay, look – the god's honest truth is that, if I had to make a decision right here, right now, then I'd probably say yeah, let's go for it. But this is make or break time for us and I don't want to get it wrong. I have to be sure and, for that, I need a little more time. I _want_ to say yes though, all right? I'm not looking for reasons to say no, quite the opposite in fact."

He stroked his fingers through her hair and kissed the top of her head. "You've gotta try and relax though, babe. Today is supposed to be about reconnecting and it's hard to do that when you're so uptight. You need to calm down and let it happen or we're never going to get to where we both want to be."

"I know," Lindsay said, her voice muffled by his t-shirt. "I just… I want this so badly, Danny. I didn't realise how much until I saw you yesterday. It was all just fantasy up until then." She lifted her head and looked up into his face. "And you being with Maya – I honestly didn't expect that."

Danny's lips quirked up into a small smile. "You expected me to become a monk?" he asked with wry amusement.

Lindsay smiled at his self-deprecating tone and shook her head. "No, but I didn't expect something quite so serious even so. I know that's horribly selfish of me, but the whole thing has knocked me sideways if you want to know the truth."

Danny sighed. "Lindsay - look in Miami you had all the power. I was so desperate for your forgiveness I would have done anything you asked of me. And before, I guess the balance of power was mainly mine. You'd fallen in love with me and I was holding myself back from you. If we're going to do this, then we need to find the right balance this time around. So please don't turn yourself into someone whose existence is completely dependent on my love, okay? Be that strong person you were in Miami – the one who believed she deserved something more."

"And the one who knew that if I couldn't figure that out for myself, I wasn't worth the effort," he added with a grin.

"When did you get so wise, Detective Messer?" Lindsay asked, partially pulling out of his embrace but still keeping an arm wrapped firmly around his waist.

Danny slung his arm casually over her shoulder as they crossed the street to the restaurant. "Trust me, it's a temporary aberration," he told her. "I'm still a total screw-up deep down."

Her fingers lifted to tangle with his. "Well, thank god for that," she teased, tilting her head back to look up into his face. "Mr Perfect was getting kinda scary."

Danny laughed and dropped a sound kiss on her upturned lips. "Come on, let's eat," he said as they finally reached their destination. "We've got a baseball game to get to."

**OOOOOO**

_**A couple of hours **__**later…**_

"Here you go." Don Flack said, handing Lindsay a plastic cup of diet soda as he squeezed past her on the way back to his seat. "Nacho?" he offered as he sat down next to her.

"No thanks." Lindsay wrinkled her nose in distaste. "That's a heart attack waiting to happen, you know."

"Yeah but at least I'll live before I die," he told her with a grin.

She laughed. "Where's your 'friend'?" she asked lightly.

Don shrugged. "Restroom."

"Does she actually know anything about baseball?" she queried pointedly.

Don narrowed his eyes at her. "What exactly are you trying say, Monroe?"

"Me?" Lindsay said innocently. "Nothing." A beat and then: "There's no way those boobs are real."

"I'll let you know tomorrow," he told her with a wink.

She rolled her eyes in response. "You're disgusting."

Don laughed. "Look, I know she _looks_ as if she just stepped off a glamour shoot, but appearances can be deceptive. She does actually have a brain in her head, I swear."

"And besides," he went on with a sidelong glance. "You didn't pick _that_ outfit for pure comfort."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Flack waggled his eyebrows at her. "Betcha got your sexy underwear on too."

Lindsay blushed, uncomfortable at just how close to the mark he was getting. "This is highly inappropriate, Flack," she remonstrated.

He waved that off. "Relax. Number One rule of the Bro-code: don't mess with your buddy's girl. I was merely making an observation that's all. Got yourself all dressed up for Messer, didn't ya?"

She stuck her nose in the air. "I don't see as that's any of your business," she told him reprovingly.

Flack laughed at her defensive primness. "I missed you, Linds, you know that?" he said. "And don't sweat it – I bet Danno's got his sexy underwear on for you too."

"Actually, I'm going commando," Danny claimed as he rejoined them, taking the seat to Lindsay's left.

"Danny!" Lindsay protested, the rosy red of her cheeks turning scarlet.

Don laughed while Danny sidled closer to his blushing ex. "You got your sexy underwear on, Montana?" he asked with a non too subtle attempt at looking down her top, which only prompted Flack to laugh even harder.

"Will you two quit it?" Lindsay exclaimed, shoving Danny roughly away from her. She shook her head in exasperation. "I swear you're like two little boys in kindergarten sometimes."

"I was more into pulling little girl's pigtails back then," Danny observed, settling his arm across the back of her chair, his fingers playing in her hair. "I only graduated to second base when I hit puberty."

Lindsay laughed in spite of herself. "You're incorrigible."

"Where's Bryony?" Danny asked his friend over her head.

"Bronté," Flack corrected. "And right there." He pointed to where his date was making her way along the row of seats towards them.

Lindsay looked over at Danny. "Out of interest – who would have been sitting in my seat if I hadn't been in New York?"

"Adam won the straw poll at the Lab," he told her, "But he graciously gave up the ticket for you."

Lindsay giggled. "Would have been interesting if he hadn't," she remarked with a mischievous grin.

Danny followed her gaze towards the well-proportioned and mini-skirted Bronté and smiled. He leaned in towards her. "Witnessing his reaction would have almost been worth ditching you for," he murmured in her ear.

"What does _Bronté_ do exactly?" Lindsay asked in an undertone.

"Umm, legal secretary, I think. Something in a lawyer's office anyway."

Lindsay's eyes widened at that and he grinned at her. "There see – reason why you should never judge a book by its cover," he observed, twisting his legs to one side as Bronté squeezed by them to re-take her seat on the other side of Flack.

The proximity of their topic of conversation effectively ended it, as did the hooting and whistling of the crowd as the two baseball teams began to make their way back onto the playing field. Rising to her feet, Lindsay joined in enthusiastically, clapping her hands and stamping her feet with the best of them. She grinned excitedly at Danny. "I've missed this," she told him.

Danny affectionately hooked his arm around her neck, "I knew I'd make a Yankee's fan outta you one day, Montana," he said, and then, drawn by the animated sparkle in her shining eyes, he dipped his head and covered her mouth with his.

Curling her fingers into the waistband of his jeans, Lindsay leaned into the embrace, closing her eyes and shutting out the crowd as they exchanged a series of soft, sweet kisses. It felt so natural, so right. It amazed her that two people who were still trying to decide whether to take a second shot at things could be so in tune with each other in this way.

It wasn't that they didn't love each other, she realised. It was more a question of whether they believed they could make it last. They were playing for keeps now; there would be no further vacillation after the decision was made. For good or for ill, this was it – it would either be a brand new beginning for them or a final, painful goodbye. There would be no in between anymore. It wasn't healthy for them to continue to live in the past in this way. If they weren't going to stay together and make a future for themselves, then it was finally time for them to move on with their separate lives.

**OOOOOO**

_**Later that night…**_

Twisting the faucet, Danny poured himself a glass of cool water and then wandered out of the kitchen and into the apartment's dimly lit living space. The standard lamp in the corner by the door was the only thing lighting the room and the space was bathed in shadows as a consequence. He crossed to the window and looked out, sipping at his drink while his scientist's brain categorised and processed the unanticipated turn his personal life had taken in recent days.

Today had been something of a rollercoaster ride. There was no denying the strong attraction he had for Lindsay, nor the deep love that he still possessed for her. It wasn't something that had diminished with time. Yes, he'd learned to live without her in his life, enough so that he had even managed to enjoy an honest and real connection with someone else. But his feelings for her had never really gone away. They had simply lain dormant inside of him, waiting to be re-awakened.

Step by step, over the course of a couple of days, those feelings had gradually been rekindled. So much so that by the time twilight had descended earlier that evening, he'd no longer been able to resist the need to relight their fire…

_**A **__**few hours earlier…**_

The short ride up in the elevator was an exercise in torture as far as Danny was concerned. They were standing as close as was humanly possible without actually physically touching. You could almost hear the sexual tension fizzing in the air between them. It had all his senses on high alert and was causing goose-bumps to rise on his flesh as well as anticipatory shivers to go down his spine. When the elevator drew to a stop, he was off and striding down the corridor towards his apartment almost before the doors had finished opening.

Lindsay had to jog to keep up with him, but she barely noticed. Infected with the same electric mood as he, her heart was sounding a rhythmic drum in her ears and her palms were beginning to sweat. She stood nervously waiting as he fumbled the key in the lock, and then they were inside his apartment, finally and unmistakably alone.

While Lindsay hovered uncertainly near the door, Danny tossed his keys in the tray on a nearby table and then spun around to face her, the expression in his blue eyes focused and determined. An instant later, Lindsay felt her back collide heavily with the wall behind her. Her shocked gasp was abruptly cut off as his lips descended insistently over hers. Her hands rose to clutch at his back, the material of his t-shirt twisting in her grip as he devastated her senses with an all-consuming kiss.

Breathing heavily, Danny pulled away just long enough to remove her top over her head before his mouth was fused on hers again, his roving hands branding her flesh with fire everywhere he touched. Finally, with an almost animal-like groan, he ripped his lips away from hers and dropped his face into the crook of her neck, trying to regain some semblance of his shattered self-control.

"Okay, okay," he muttered against her skin. "We need to slow this down before it gets out of hand."

With an impressive show of willpower, he forced himself to step away from her, then ran his fingers through his hair, causing it to spike in all directions. He looked so goddamn endearing that Lindsay recklessly decided to throw caution to the wind, go after what she so desperately wanted, and hang the consequences. Maybe it would hurt like hell if he turned away from her in the morning, but, right now, she honestly didn't care.

"Lindsay…" Danny protested, his hands settling firmly on her hips as she wrapped her arms around his neck and tilted her face purposefully up towards his.

"It doesn't matter," she said, her lips brushing his in a feather-light kiss. "Whatever choice you eventually make, I want the rest of this weekend with you."

"You asked me to be careful with your heart," he pointed out, his voice a little hoarse.

"Yes, and you are," she assured him, "By pulling back, by making this choice mine, you're doing exactly as I asked." She tightened her arms around his neck and pressed her body intimately against his. "You want me, don't you?" she asked, her eyes intent on his.

Danny's laughter came out slightly hysterical. "I think that's a given, don't you?" he told her. "I don't want to hurt you again though, Lindsay. I would hate myself for that."

"If you decide that we don't have a future together then hurting me is inevitable," she said, "But that won't be on you. You can't change the way you feel anymore than I can. And I'll survive, you know. I _can_ live without you, I just don't want to."

He rested his forehead against hers. "I need to think."

"Think later," she whispered. "Right now… Just feel… Just act…" she said, punctuating each statement with a kiss. "Make love to me, Danny. Forget about tomorrow, just be with me tonight. Please?"

When she asked like that, how could he ever deny her?

_**Back in the present…**_

Danny sighed and turned away from the window to survey the room before him. Their discarded clothing made an untidy trail from the front door to the archway that led through into the short hallway off which the apartment's two bedrooms resided. He'd made love to her as requested – in the comfort of his bed, despite a half-joking suggestion that they re-live old times on the pool table. Afterwards, they'd ordered in Chinese takeout, and then repeated the experience a couple more times before Lindsay had eventually fallen asleep in satisfied stupor, her body curled into his side and her hand resting intimately over his heart.

He, himself, had been unable to sleep though, his mind churning with thoughts of the decision he now had to make. He wasn't even sure why he was hesitating. He loved her, he wanted her both emotionally and physically, plus he could honestly say that he enjoyed her company more than that of any other woman he'd ever known. Maya was a factor, of course – because he had genuinely loved her, and it seemed so incongruous that he could do that and still want Lindsay in the same way as he had done before.

But he did, that was the scary thing. Despite everything, she was that self same woman who had fascinated him from day one with her clipped attitude and pithy retorts, before eventually going on to win his heart with her sweet nature and fun-loving zest for life. They each had such power to hurt the other, and he guessed that was also part of what was making him wary. This wasn't simply about being with Lindsay; it was a about making a choice that could change his life forever. She may not have been directly asking him for marriage and babies, but she _was_ asking him to commit to a future with her, and those things were bound to come up sooner or later. He'd be a fool to think otherwise.

Did he want that though? He wanted Lindsay; that was clear as day. But could he be a husband and a father? Did he have that in him? The truth was he didn't know. He knew he would try, he knew he would give her the best of himself and never intentionally hurt her again. But was that enough? He just didn't have the answer to that question.

After gathering up their scattered clothing, he returned to the bedroom and stood in the doorway, watching her sleep. It was nearly six years now since that late summer day when she'd exploded into his life at a murder scene inside a tiger enclosure of all places. Back then, he'd thought her cute, if a little uptight, but he had been impressed by the way she'd conducted herself during that first investigation even so. She hadn't let him faze her despite his new girl joshing. He'd enjoyed the various one-liners she'd tossed back at him too.

At the time, he couldn't have envisaged where it would lead, but he would go back and do it all again without a moment's hesitation. Maybe that was his answer. Maybe it was that simple. He would repeat his time over with her if it was possible to turn back time - so how could he give up the opportunity of a future with her when he had no idea how it would end? Maybe it wouldn't work out for them, but at least he wouldn't be left with any regrets. Plus, if they did manage to make it work, the possibilities were endless.

Sliding back into the bed beside her, he propped his head up on his hand and traced the outline of her pretty face with his forefinger. He would sleep on it and consider things fresh in the morning, he decided. To all intents and purposes though, his decision was made. There was no way he could turn away, even if he was still a little unsure. Lindsay undoubtedly owned his heart and their relationship was far too precious to throw away without giving it their very best shot.

Moreover, he was curious to see where a life together might eventually lead them…

_**To be continued (**__**only one more time, I'm afraid – for this story anyway)…**_


	10. Serendipity

**WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN**

**Disclaimer: **The characters in CSI: New York and CSI: Miami do not belong to me. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.

**Summary: **After her and Danny's difficult break-up, Lindsay Monroe is transferred to the Miami Crime Lab. Two years later and the past comes knocking on her door…

**Notes: **Hey all! You know I said last time that this would be the final part? Well, it's not quite. The story is essentially finished, but what was meant to be the last chapter turned out to be something of an epic because I got carried away and all the scenes ended up nearly twice as long as I intended! I've decided to split the last few off into a separate Epilogue therefore, which is basically what they were anyway. All being well, I should post it by next weekend so you shouldn't have to wait too long for the final conclusion.

Adult talk and scenes in this one again, folks, so watch the rating. Anyway, without any further ado, let's continue…

**OOOOOO**

_**Part 10**__** – Serendipity**_

When Lindsay awoke the following morning, it took her a couple of moments to figure out where she was. When she turned over to see Danny asleep in the bed next to her however, the events of the previous day – and night - came instantly flooding back. Lacing her fingers together above her head, she stretched out her pleasantly aching limbs and briefly considered waking her snoozing bed-mate up for another round of hot loving before reluctantly discarding the idea. He looked so peaceful in repose that she hadn't the heart - especially as she knew that he hadn't had nearly as much sleep as she'd had.

She'd woken up some time during the early hours to find him absent from the bed beside her, but had chosen not to go in search of him, knowing that she needed to give him the space to make an appropriately thought-out decision about their future together. Last night, she'd probably come across as pitifully needy, she realised - the fear that the night they'd shared in Miami a year ago may have been their last ever time together had made her uncharacteristically clingy towards him.

It didn't bode well for the two of them if he felt pushed into being with her however. Great sex was one thing, but there had to be more than that if their relationship was going to survive the long term. In order for this to work, Danny needed to make this decision of his own free will or they'd be starting off on entirely the wrong foot all over again. Repeating past mistakes was not an option as far as Lindsay was concerned, so she'd given him that precious time alone to properly consider where he felt their future lay.

Slipping from the bed beside him, she crossed to the closet and carefully opened the heavy wooden doors. After a moment of contemplation, she selected a mint-green shirt from a hanger and pulled it on over her naked body, deftly fastening up the buttons with quick, nimble fingers. Leaving the top two undone, she rolled up the cuffs until her hands and wrists were visible below the sleeve-line before looking around for her purse. Retrieving it from the chair near the dresser, she pulled out a clean pair of panties, slipped them on, and then padded bare-foot out of the bedroom and down the hall into the lounge.

She liked Danny's new apartment. It was larger and less of a bachelor pad than his previous place. The décor wasn't quite so strikingly masculine and was much more androgynous in style, making it somewhere she could happily see herself living without needing to change things up too much… although a few more cushions on the sofa wouldn't go amiss and perhaps a nice painting over there on the wall near the door too…

'_Stop it!' _She shook her head, trying to quash her runaway thoughts. _'Getting way ahead of yourself there, Linds,' _she admonished herself.

Busying herself with domestic tasks seemed like the sensible thing to do, so she went through into the kitchen and set the coffee percolator to bubbling. After a brief rummage through Danny's meagre food supplies, she determined that breakfast would either be Lucky Charms, leftover Chinese takeout, or brunch at a nearby eatery. She eventually chose to satisfy her rumbling stomach with a bruised-looking banana, thinking that brunch would be her best option given the sugar and starch-laden alternatives. She knew that Danny would have ferreted out somewhere first-rate nearby within weeks of moving into his new place – he loved his all-American breakfasts with a passion and wasn't about to give them up anytime soon.

_Ding… Dong…_

She jumped as the doorbell chimed. Glancing at the clock on the wall, she noted the time was only just after 8AM. Who would be calling around so early on a Sunday morning? There were no sounds of movement from the master bedroom so she cautiously moved towards the door herself. She wasn't exactly dressed for company, but Danny's shirt was the length of a short dress on her so at least her body was mostly covered from view.

She stood on her tiptoes and peered through the spy-hole – a tall, attractive brunette stood in the hallway outside and Lindsay recognised her instantly – the woman in the picture with Danny – his ex, Maya. For a moment, she thought about not answering the door, but curiosity got the better of her. She wanted to meet this woman who had captured Danny's respect and affection. She was an unknown part of the equation and Lindsay felt the need to analyse the total sum of the parts before the two of them made an ultimate decision about their future together.

Taking a deep breath, she opened the door and was selfishly pleased to see the look of shock that crossed the other woman's face.

"Oh, oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise…" All of a flutter, Maya started to turn away, but Lindsay stopped her with a sharp "Wait!" and an outstretched hand.

"Maya – right?" she enquired when the brunette reluctantly turned back.

"Yes, I…" Maya broke off and nervously ran her hand through her cascade of long, chestnut hair. "Who…?"

"Lindsay… Lindsay Monroe."

Recognition flashed into Maya's eyes when Lindsay revealed her identity and her tense stance relaxed a little in response to the discovery.

"Better than some random woman, huh?" Lindsay quipped dryly and saw a hesitant smile cross the other woman's features in spite of the awkwardness of the encounter.

"Yes," Maya agreed and then looked at her enquiringly. "You know who I am?"

Lindsay nodded her affirmation. "And you me, obviously."

Maya nodded also. "Yes, I… umm…" She sighed. "I wanted to speak to Danny about something, but it can wait… I can come back."

Lindsay shook her head. "No, no, come in. He's still asleep, but I expect he'll be up soon. I just made coffee."

"And I've got donuts." Maya held up a pink-and-white striped box as she stepped over the threshold.

"Perfect!" Lindsay declared. "Danny's cupboards are seriously lacking in sustenance right now," she added with a sardonic roll of her eyes. "Typical man, huh?"

Maya smiled. "Why do you think I brought donuts with me?" she said. "So umm…"

"What am I doing in New York?" Lindsay interjected as the two of them went through into the off-shot kitchen.

Maya grimaced a little. "Am I that transparent?" she asked.

Lindsay shook her head. "No, it's just if I were in your shoes, I'd be wondering the same thing. There was a big NYPD function on Friday night," she explained.

"Oh, right, yeah - the award ceremony for Mac," Maya recalled. "I remember Danny saying something about that a couple of months ago."

"Yeah well, being a former member of Mac's team, I was on the guest list so I swapped the Sunshine State for the Big Apple for the weekend," Lindsay said as she poured two steaming cups of coffee from the pot. "Milk?" she asked. "Cream?"

"Milk thanks," Maya answered as she selected a sugar-coated donut from the box. "So - you and Danny – you're back together then?" she went on to inquire as they sat down at the kitchen table, the open box of donuts between them.

Savouring the rich fragrant smell of the coffee as well as the welcome hit of caffeine it gave her sluggish senses; Lindsay took a long sip of her drink before answering. "We're still trying to figure that out," she eventually replied.

"He loves you," Maya told her, her gaze direct. "I always knew that. At first that bothered me, I didn't want to be second best, you know? He never treated me like I was though, so I suppose, as time went on, I stopped worrying about it so much."

"And now?" Lindsay asked as she bit into a chocolate-covered donut.

Maya sighed. "Well, I'd be lying if I said it didn't get to me, but I know our relationship is over, that it's time to move on. What Danny does with his life is no business of mine." She shrugged, shot Lindsay a small smile. "And it's as you said: better you than some random woman, hey?"

Lindsay hesitated for a moment, but given Maya's graciousness, it seemed discourteous to be anything less than honest with her. It was decidedly annoying, but she felt herself warming to the woman in spite of the natural rivalry their situation engendered.

"He cares about you a lot," she said. "I've got to admit when I first realised just how much you'd come to mean to him, it threw me a bit. There's a part of his life now that's completely separate from what we were, are to each other and I'm not used to that. At the core, he's still the same person he's always been, but there are some subtle differences in his attitude towards life and relationships now. I would say you're partly responsible for that."

Maya nodded. "Thanks." Her lips curled up into a wry smile. "I think."

"Hey Linds, are you…"

Striding into the kitchen with no care for modesty, Danny broke off when he saw Maya sitting at the table with Lindsay. "Maya… hey! Umm…" He looked down at his unclothed state. "I should probably go put some clothes on, huh?"

Maya was quicker on the uptake than Lindsay, who had temporarily lost the ability to speak at his unexpected interruption of their little tête-à-tête. "Well honey, I don't think it's anything either of us hasn't seen before," the tall brunette drawled, "But yeah, I think that might be a good idea."

Swiftly recovering from her shock, Lindsay snickered gleefully at Maya's tongue-in-cheek comment and Danny threw her an acerbic look in response. "Whatcha laughing at, Montana?" he demanded with as much dignity as he could muster under the circumstances.

She treated him to her wide, sunny smile. "You're actually blushing!" she remarked, her brown eyes dancing with enjoyment. "I don't think I've ever seen you blush before."

"Yes, well… Okay, I'm going now." Rapidly running out of bravado, Danny beat a hasty retreat to spare himself any further embarrassment.

"Nice ass, Messer," Lindsay called out after him, unable to resist the opportunity to mock him further.

"Bite me, Monroe!" he shot back without hesitation.

The two women looked at each other and then broke into delighted laughter.

"Now _that_," Lindsay declared when her giggles eventually died down, "Was the best fun I've had in ages! Did you _see_ the look on his face?" She glanced at Maya and her expression quickly sobered. "Sorry, that was kind of insensitive, wasn't it?"

"I…" Maya bit her lip, trying to keep her laughter at bay but failing miserably. "I'm sorry, I know I should be feeling completely wronged and all that, but that was just too funny." She smiled. "I guess that means I'm starting to get over him, huh?"

Lindsay shrugged. "I guess so. It's not something I know too much about to be honest."

"True love endures." Maya mused after a telling silence.

"What?" Lindsay frowned, perplexed by the other woman's response.

Maya shrugged. "My Grams told me that once," she explained. "When my first ever boyfriend dumped me for Carly Graves after she got picked for the cheerleading squad. She said 'true love endures, Maya, even when you don't want it to. You remember that and your time will come soon enough.'" She broke off and smiled. "She was full of little pearls of wisdom like that, most of them complete baloney of course, but there maybe some truth to that one."

"Maybe," Lindsay echoed thoughtfully.

Danny came back into the room then, this time appropriately dressed for company in a pair of grey sweats and a dark blue wife-beater. Sensing the slight tension that hung in the air, he instinctively reached out to stroke soothing fingers through Lindsay's hair, and then caught himself when he noticed Maya's watchful eyes upon him.

"Is that coffee?" he said, going to the counter and pouring himself a cup.

"I brought donuts too," Maya said, picking up the box and offering him one as he took a seat between her and Lindsay.

"Great, thanks." He took a cream-filled one and took a large bite. "So, umm… what are you doing here?"

Maya's expression darkened, her eyes shadowing with apprehension. "I… I needed to ask your advice about something. It's, umm… a legal thing and I thought… considering that you work for the NYPD that you might be able to help."

Danny nodded. "Shoot."

"I err… I've been having some trouble with my neighbour down the hall. He moved in around six weeks ago and he's kind of, umm… over friendly."

Danny's eyes narrowed. "He's been hassling you?"

"Yes, no, I don't know!" Tears sparkled in Maya's eyes as she bit her bottom lip in agitation.

Danny laid a calming hand over hers, squeezing her fingers lightly. "Just take a deep breath and tell me what happened," he urged.

Maya nodded and re-gathered her composure. "It started off innocently enough," she began. "He was just kind of flirty and I didn't think too much of it. Then it got a bit more full-on and I figured I should let him know that I wasn't interested."

"But he hasn't backed off?"

Maya shook her head. "No I… he hasn't actually done anything, that's the thing. He's just always _there_ every time I turn around. It makes me uncomfortable and I just don't know what to do about it. Sarah said that the cops can't do anything unless he actually physically threatens me."

Danny exchanged a significant look with Lindsay and then sighed. "Unfortunately, that's not too far off the mark," he said, getting up and moving to the kitchen counter. "The laws on stalking are pretty lax. But look, write down his name and address." He came back to the table with a pad and pen and handed them to her. "And I'll have a word with Flack - get him to send someone from the precinct over to rattle the bastard's cage a little. Hopefully that'll be enough to get him to back off."

"And if it isn't?" Maya asked fearfully as she scribbled down the details on the pad.

"Then you need to start recording every time he harasses you and get yourself a restraining order," Danny advised. "And you've still got my cell phone number, right? All you have to do is call and I'll be there, okay?"

Maya nodded. "Thanks. I'm sorry to bother you with all of this; it's just that I didn't know who else to turn to."

"Don't worry about it," Danny reassured her.

"You could sign up for some self-defence classes too," Lindsay interjected then. "I'm not saying you should tackle him or anything, but they might make you feel a little less vulnerable."

Maya looked dubious, but nodded anyway. "Yeah, maybe I'll do that," she conceded, and then deliberately pushed her chair back from the table and rose to her feet. "Look, I should go," she said. "Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it, but I umm…" Breaking off, she turned and strode from the kitchen without finishing the sentence, her composure finally deserting her.

"Maya?" Danny caught up with her at the front door. "Are you ok?" he asked, placing a restraining hand on her forearm.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine," she assured him. "Talking to you about it has made me feel a lot better. I don't feel so threatened anymore."

Danny shot her a pointed look. "I didn't mean about that."

"Oh." Maya threw a glance towards the kitchen where Lindsay had tactfully remained. She sighed. "We broke up weeks ago, Danny."

"I know, it's just…"

"She said you were still trying to figure things out…"

"Yeah, I guess…" Danny rubbed the back of his neck in uneasy agitation. "Look, listen, Maya…"

"I take it you have it figured out?" Maya cut in before he could continue.

Danny bit his bottom lip. "I'm probably crazy," he remarked with a tight smile.

Maya shrugged. "If it feels right."

Danny nodded. "It does. I wasn't sure it would, but it does."

There was a short, expectant pause which Maya thankfully broke before it became unbearably uncomfortable for them both.

"What do you want me to say, Danny?" she demanded. "That I'm happy for you?" She shook her head. "It doesn't work like that."

"I know, I know, I just didn't want you to think that I… that I didn't…"

"I know you loved me, Danny, but let's face it, she's always been the one, hasn't she? In the end, no matter how much you cared about me, I couldn't compete with that, that's why we had to end it between us."

There wasn't much he could say to that so he didn't. Dropping his gaze to his feet, he shifted uncomfortably. Her brittle attitude softening a little, Maya reached out and touched a gentle hand to his cheek. "If it's any consolation, I like her," she told him, "Just don't ask for my blessing right now, okay? It's still too soon for that. I'm moving on, but it'll be a while yet before I'm comfortable with this."

Danny nodded sombrely. "I know; I'm sorry."

"If it's right then nothing and no-one should stand in your way," Maya said as she twisted the latch on the door to open it.

He touched her shoulder. "You know you can still call, right? Don't think that you can't."

Maya leaned forward and lightly kissed his cheek. "I won't, and it's a comfort honestly. I have my pride but the guy freaks me out. I'm not going to be taking any chances with him."

"Good," Danny said. "Make sure that you don't. I'll see you around, yeah?"

"Yeah." Maya agreed with a nod. "Bye Danny," she added softly as she left.

Danny took a moment to gather his thoughts after closing the door behind her. He'd already pretty much made up his mind anyway, but seeing Maya had put things into full perspective for him. He still cared about her, but there was no real love there anymore. His heart was one hundred percent committed to the woman waiting for him in the kitchen. With an inward smile, he went to tell her that.

Lindsay looked up with a slightly forced smile as he entered the room. "Not how I intended to start this day off," she remarked lightly.

He shrugged. "No, me either."

"She still relies on you." It was a statement of fact, but there was a hint of a question behind it also.

Danny slid into the chair beside her and reached out to thread his fingers through hers. "She's not as strong as you, Lindsay," he explained, "Doesn't have as many street-smarts. When we split up, we agreed to be friends." He paused, his eyes intently studying her face. "Is that going to be a problem?"

To his horror, her eyes immediately filled with tears. "Hey, hey! Jesus! Don't cry. Look, if it is, I can tell her we can't see each other anymore. I'll help her with this because I've already promised I would, but after that, I can break all contact if that's what you need me to do."

That avowal only increased Lindsay's tears. Vainly trying to choke back the uncontrollable emotion, she reached over and tightly wound her arms about his neck, burying her face against his throat.

Not knowing what else to do, Danny pulled her into his lap and cradled her against him as her body shook with sobs. "Baby, don't cry. Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing!" Lindsay hiccupped, swiping at her tears. "Nothing! Don't you see? Everything's finally right."

"Huh?" A line of consternation appeared between Danny's eyebrows.

Lindsay laughed, the rippling sound coming out somewhat wobbly around the edges. Cupping the sides of his neck in her hands, she kissed him full on the lips and then drew back to look down into his confused face.

"Don't you get it?" she said tearfully. "What you asking that question actually means?"

Realisation finally dawned and Danny's worried expression cleared into a smile. "Oh right, yeah. Did I forget to mention that?" he enquired in an off-hand tone.

She cuffed him lightly. "You know you did!"

Tangling the fingers of his left hand into her hair, he brought her mouth down to his for a slower and more thorough exploration. "Did you honestly think it'd be any different after last night?" he asked in low tones when he eventually released her, flushed and breathless.

"I was afraid to hope," she confessed. "After all, I was the dumb-ass idiot who chose to let fate decide my future for me."

Danny chuckled. "You made the right choice, Lindsay," he assured her. "We weren't ready for this a year ago, but I believe we are now. I know I am anyway."

"You're sure?" she pressed.

"As sure as I'll ever be," he responded.

"No guarantees, huh?"

"No guarantees," Danny confirmed with a nod. "But I'm going to give it my very best shot, I can promise you that."

Lindsay smiled and cuddled closer on his lap. "That's all I can ask."

"And it's enough?" His gaze was direct.

She leaned her forehead against his. "More than," she said softly, her warm breath teasing his lips and making him want to kiss her again.

Resisting that almost uncontrollable urge, Danny stroked his hand down the side of her face instead. "And is it going to be a problem?" he asked as he delicately traced the bow of her lips with his forefinger. "Maya, I mean."

Lindsay's first instinct was to say no, but she managed to pull back enough to think twice. "I… I don't think so," she said. "I trust you, Danny, but there are going to be some leftover insecurity issues that I'll have to work through. You can understand that, can't you?"

Danny nodded. "Yeah, I can understand that," he replied. "I'm not expecting a bed of roses, Linds. I know this is going to be hard work."

"Well then as long as you're honest with me about when you see or talk to her then I think I can handle it," Lindsay said. Her lips curled up into an uncertain smile. "Can I reserve the right to change my mind though?" she asked.

"Sure," Danny agreed easily. "Just keeping talking to me, okay?"

Tiring of the serious talk and feeling the urge to celebrate instead, Lindsay's brown eyes lit up with impish mischievousness. "What? Right now?" She trailed her lips seductively down the column of his throat, her hand sneaking under his wife-beater to smooth tantalising warmth over his bare flesh. "You want me to keep talking right now?"

Not willing to give her the upper hand, Danny wrapped his hands around her waist and lifted her effortlessly onto the table-top as he rose to his feet. Caging her between his hands, he made a dot-to-dot of kisses from her forehead, to the tip of her nose, to her gorgeous, pouting lips and onwards. Her head dropped back on a soft sigh as he trailed his lips over her jaw-line and he grinned at her easy acquiescence. Stepping back, he considered the submissive pose she presented and then swiftly up-ended her over his shoulder in lightening quick manoeuvre, clamping a cheeky hand over her butt to hold her in place.

"Danny!"

Giggling in protest, Lindsay half-heartedly battered her fists against his back as he strode out of the kitchen and headed determinedly for the bedroom. He tossed her unceremoniously onto the bed when they reached their destination, and Lindsay barely had time to catch her breath before he had joined her and was kissing her like his life depended on it.

"Danny…" Lindsay's tone was tremulous as she caught hold of his wrists to halt his industrious unfastening of the shirt she was wearing.

Lifting his mouth from its contemplation of her neck, Danny stilled at the insistent note in her voice. "What?" he asked, brushing her hair out of her eyes.

There was a wealth of suppressed emotion in her gaze as she spoke. "I love you."

It was amazing the effect those three little words had on him. Tender warmth imbued every part of his being. She'd never said it to him before, he realised. At least not like this. Every other time she'd mentioned loving him it had been in retrospect, but this was real, this was present. This was now. His hungry passion ebbed away as a wave of contented bliss seeped into every pore and nerve-ending.

"I love you too, Lindsay."

It was so easy in the end. When they'd first gotten together, he'd spent the better part of eight months avoiding this. Now, four long and painful years later, they were at long last back on the right track. Their embrace heightened by the strong emotions finally expressed, they melted into each other and let those three magic words carry them towards sensual oblivion…

**OOOOOO**

_**Later that same day…**_

"Stop looking at me like that!"

Lindsay blushed, her cheeks growing hot at the intent way he was studying her as she packed her clothes into the open suitcase on the bed. She was checking out of her hotel a night early so that she could go straight to the airport from Danny's place the following morning. Neither of them wanted to be apart for longer than they had to be. A few weeks of separation was inevitable while Lindsay put her affairs in Miami in order, so they were making the most of the time they had now in order to sustain them through it.

Danny grinned. "Like what?"

"You know like what!"

He chuckled. Their lovemaking that morning had been a revelation to him – to both of them in fact. An encounter that had started out as passionate and fun-loving had turned intense and dreamlike following their twin declarations of love for each other. Danny could honestly say he had never experienced anything like it before. Things had moved onto another level for them and he hadn't been prepared for the emotional impact that would have. It was a good feeling though, even if it was a little scary.

Something else was niggling at him however, and he brought it up now, figuring it was a good a time as any to broach the difficult subject. "Are you sure you're okay about me keeping in contact with Maya?" he asked.

Lindsay stopped what she was doing and looked over at him. "I said so, didn't I?"

"Yes, but that doesn't necessarily mean you're all right with it."

Lindsay sighed. "Look - I'm not going to be okay with you meeting her alone for drinks or anything like that. _But _speaking to her in the street, hanging out with her in a group, or helping her out with this stalker guy - that I think I can handle."

Danny nodded. "Understood," he said. "I just know how seeing you with Steven in Miami made me feel, that's all. All right so maybe this is a little different because you were still with him at the time, but… what's the matter?"

Lindsay's expression had darkened at the mention of Steven. She shook her head. "Nothing."

Danny was having none of that though. "Bull."

"Steven… he just… he didn't handle our break-up very well," she explained.

"What does that mean?"

"He thought he could change my mind. For weeks I couldn't turn around for all the gifts he sent me – flowers, chocolate, jewellery, you name it. There was nothing outwardly sinister in it, but it got to be too much after a while." She sighed. "He eventually backed off, but only on the pretext of giving me space to reconsider my decision. When he called me a couple of months later, I stupidly agreed to meet him for a drink and it started up again."

Danny frowned. "He's still pestering you now?"

Lindsay shook her head. "No, no, H' eventually had a word and he backed down. I guess he just didn't know how to let go. Steven's a man with so much drive, you see. When he decides he wants something he goes after it with a vengeance. It's what makes him so successful in business, I suppose. He doesn't like it when his plans are thwarted and I guess that's what happened here."

"So what? You were part of some kind of business deal he had in mind?"

"Yeah – the ultimate merger. I think he imagined me as the submissive little wife to his strong, dependable husband."

"Submissive?" Danny scoffed incredulously.

Lindsay laughed at that and then turned serious again. "I was emotionally vulnerable when we got together," she went on. "I let him take care of me because it's what I needed at the time. It wasn't me, but you could forgive him for believing it was. It's the way I acted around him. I let him have control because I was so afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing and being left alone again."

Danny shook his head. "Jesus Lindsay!"

"It's not your fault…"

"Who else's is it then?" he demanded guiltily. "I did that to you, Linds. I made you that scared of who you are."

"Yes, you did," she agreed, "But I've learnt a lot from it, we both have. I'm not saying it was a good thing, but in some ways we're stronger now because of it. Our biggest mistake would be to live in the past, Danny. It's over now, done with, we need to put it behind us and move on. Just know one thing okay?"

"What?"

"You ever hurt me like that again and I can guarantee you're not going to be fathering children anytime in the future." Her tone was calmly matter-of-fact but there was a hint of steel behind it all the same.

Danny laughed and then sighed. "I'm not sure I deserve such a clean slate."

"I think everyone deserves a second chance," Lindsay replied. "It's what they do with it that counts. I'm trusting you to make it worth my while."

Standing up, he moved towards her and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. "I'm going to give it my all," he vowed, nuzzling his face into her sweet-smelling hair.

Reaching up and backwards, she curled an arm around his neck and turned her face into his. "I know you will," she returned softly, and then stretched up to kiss him tenderly.

"I should go find H'" she said when they drew apart.

"You want me to come with you?" Danny asked.

Lindsay shook her head. "No, I need to do this alone." She smiled. "You can make yourself useful and pack the rest of my stuff while you wait."

"Cool! Do I get to go through your underwear drawer?" Danny quipped with a wicked grin.

Lindsay's response was a playful swipe at his butt as she headed for the door. "I won't be long," she promised before she left.

Walking down the corridor, she took a moment to compose herself before knocking on the door of the hotel room several doors down from her own. There was a rustling sound from within and then Horatio opened the door. He smiled when he saw who it was.

"Lindsay, come in," he invited.

"Thanks," she said as she entered the room. "I wasn't sure whether you'd be here."

"Just checking in with the Lab," he told her, nodding at the open laptop on the desk.

As she moved closer, Lindsay instantly recognised the conference room back in Miami on the screen, as well as the three individuals gathered around the table there. "Hey guys!" she said with a wave at the webcam. Calleigh, Ryan and Eric returned her greeting in triplicate.

"What's going on?" she asked, turning to Horatio.

"Further developments on the Sanderson case," he explained, referring to the high profile murder they'd been investigating over the past month. "But that's not why you're here though, is it?" he went on knowingly.

Lindsay dipped her gaze away from his penetrating stare. "No, I…," she faltered. Now it came down to it, it was harder to say goodbye than she thought. She was sure of her decision, but she would miss her colleagues in Miami even so. Over the past three years, they'd become as much like family to her as their New York counterparts had in the two and a half years previously.

She tried again. "Danny and I – we've decided to give things another go, and Mac…" she broke off again, suddenly unsure of the etiquette behind her former boss' job offer to her.

Horatio smiled. "Don't worry, he told me he'd offered you a position back here in New York. You've decided to take it then?"

Lindsay nodded. "Yes – Danny's a New Yorker through and through, whereas I'm much more adaptable so it seems like the best choice all round. And I love it here so…"

"You're abandoning us," Ryan put in over the video conference. "And after everything we've done for you too."

Even though she knew he was only teasing, Lindsay reddened. "Don't think I'm not grateful for everything you've done for me," she told Horatio earnestly. "I've loved working for you, I really have. If it was just a toss-up between the two jobs then I'd have a hard time making up my mind, but Danny tips the balance for me. I can't turn my back on what we have together. I love him; I've never really stopped. You can understand that, can't you?"

"Honey, of course we can," Calleigh chipped in before Horatio could reply in the same vein. "What matters is that you're happy. And that you take a vacation and visit every once in a while," she added with a smile.

Lindsay laughed. "I will, I promise." She looked back at Horatio. "You don't mind?"

"Of course I mind," he told her, "But I'm not going to hold it against you. When you get a chance at happiness you have to grab it with both hands and hold on tight. Life's too short for anything else." He smiled a little wistfully and she knew he was thinking of his lost wife and the all too brief time they had together.

She touched his hand in silent understanding. "Thank-you," she said softly. "And, just so you know, I'll be working out my notice this time. I always felt bad about upping and leaving New York without doing so. Mac said he understood why, but it felt kind of disrespectful to me. I was in such a bad state emotionally though, I couldn't handle sticking around any longer. It's different this time. Danny and I aren't rushing back into anything. We can handle a long distance relationship for a few weeks."

Horatio nodded. "It's not necessary, but if it's what you want to do."

"It is," Lindsay said decisively. "So no solving the Sanderson case without me," she told her colleagues with a grin. "So what's going on anyway?" she asked, unable to curtail her innate curiosity.

Eric laughed. "She just can't help herself, can she?" he quipped.

"Shut up, and spill, Delko," she shot back good-naturedly.

Drawn into the twist and turns of the investigation, it was well over an hour before she returned to her hotel room. Sliding her key-card into the electronic lock, she belatedly wondered why Danny hadn't come looking for her, or at least called her cell to find out where she was. When she entered the room though, she realised why. Her suitcase was zipped and locked and standing near the door, while her lover was fast asleep atop of the comforter.

Joining him on the bed, she kissed him awake. "Wore you out, did I?" she joked as he blinked drowsily at her.

"Where've you been?" he asked, glancing at his watch as he sat up.

"Helping out the guys with a case," she explained. "They were on the V.C. to H' from Miami.'"

He nodded. "We better get going," he said. "Or we'll be late and Stella'll likely explode from the anticipation!"

Lindsay giggled. Earlier that afternoon, they'd called and arranged to meet Mac and Stella for dinner that evening. They'd not told them why, but it hardly took a genius to work it out. They wanted to pass on their news face-to-face though, so had refrained from giving definite confirmation of their reconciliation over the phone, despite some distinctly unsubtle probing from a curious Stella.

When they made it to the restaurant an hour later, they discovered their booked table for four had expanded somewhat. "You knew about this this afternoon," Lindsay accused as she sat down next to Horatio.

He shrugged. "Might have."

"What if it hadn't been good news?" Danny asked Stella.

She wrinkled her nose at him as she handed him a menu. "If the news had been bad, then you wouldn't have been telling us it over dinner," she pointed out.

Danny looked across at Lindsay. "She has a point," he remarked.

"So what? We're giving her a medal?" Lindsay laughed.

Mac leaned around Horatio. "So I assume this means you're taking the job?" he enquired with a smile.

Lindsay paused as she felt all eyes swing towards her. An expectant hush descended. Danny slipped his hand into hers under the table and she smiled affectionately at him before turning back to Mac to give her answer. "If you'll have me," she said.

"Let's put it to the vote, shall we?" Mac decided. "Stella? For or against?"

"What do _you _think?"

"One vote for then. Sheldon?"

"That's a yes from me too."

"Flack?"

"Can I abstain?" the dark-haired detective asked with a grin, earning himself a punch on the arm from Stella in the process. "Ouch!" he exclaimed, rubbing his shoulder. "I was only kidding!"

"Adam?"

"It's all cool by me."

"Amy?" Mac queried.

"I…," his newest CSI stuttered, uncomfortable at being put on the spot. She studied Danny carefully for a moment, taking in his almost euphoric demeanour before slowly nodding her assent. "Anything that puts Messer in this good a mood is fine by me," she said, making everyone laugh.

Recalling her conversation with Hawkes on Friday evening, Lindsay was cheered by this wry acknowledgement. What she loved most about the team here in New York was their easy camaraderie with each other, and while relations between Danny and Amy didn't seem especially awkward, nor were they particularly friendly either. She didn't relish the idea of being in the middle of that, so if the barriers were finally starting to break down between them then so much the better.

"I don't need to ask Danny's opinion," Mac went on, "And I wouldn't have offered you the job if I wasn't for it… So… majority rules, I guess." He smiled and tipped his wine-glass at her.

"Majority rules!" everyone echoed, raising their glasses in a congratulatory toast. Touched and embarrassed, Lindsay flushed pink in both delight and discomfiture.

As the hum of general conversation resumed around them, Danny slid his arm around her waist and leaned in close to add his two cents worth. "Welcome home, baby," he murmured in her ear.

Her heart full, Lindsay turned towards him, palmed the side of his face in her hand and kissed him full on the lips in front of everyone. She may not know what fate had in store for them, but she was determined to make the most of every precious moment from now on. Sometimes the best thing you could do was place your faith in the power of serendipity and hold on for the ride.

_**To be continued…**_


	11. Finding Home

**WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN**

**Disclaimer: **The characters in CSI: New York and CSI: Miami do not belong to me. No infringement is intended, no profit is made.

**Summary: **After her and Danny's difficult break-up, Lindsay Monroe is transferred to the Miami Crime Lab. Two years later and the past comes knocking on her door…

**Notes: **Well, here we are at the final curtain. Just realised it's been two years since I posted the initial chapter of this story. How time flies, huh? Thanks to all of you who have stuck with it despite having to wait for updates while I battled with writers block and a few real life interferences as well. I would have understood if you'd gotten fed up with me so it's very much appreciated – as are every last one of the reviews. Anyway, enough of my musings, let's find out – for the very last time - 'What Might Have Been', shall we?

**OOOOOO**

_**Epilogue**__** – Finding Home**_

_**Six **__**months later…**_

"Jesus, Lindsay! What the hell have you got in here? Goddamn rocks?" Don Flack grumbled as he huffed and puffed along the corridor, dragging the loaded trunk behind him.

Lindsay laughed merrily as she strolled casually along beside him, carrying a taped-up cardboard box full of bed linen in her arms. She threw him an impish grin. "Just my forensic text-books," she told him with an innocent look. "Why? Is it heavy?"

His muttered four-letter response she didn't quite catch, but she got the general gist of it and her smile widened as a consequence. "Maybe you need to work out more," she suggested.

"Bite me, Linds," he shot back with irritated humour. "I thought Mac and Stella were supposed to be helping with this?" he groused after a beat.

"I think they got caught up at a crime scene."

"Well, that's mightily convenient for them, isn't it?" Don remarked acidly as he heaved the trunk the last couple of metres into the apartment, dumped it in the corner by the door and then collapsed onto the polished wood floor with an exaggerated groan. "I think I'm getting old," he lamented miserably.

"You were one of those kids who constantly asked 'are we there yet' on long car journeys, weren't you?" Lindsay commented dryly.

Flack's only response was to grin beatifically up at her from his prone position on the floor. Rolling her eyes in indulgent exasperation, Lindsay glanced across the room to where Danny was standing in the centre of the main living space, an aggrieved and somewhat bewildered look on his face.

"What's up, babe?" she asked, moving towards him.

"I'm surrounded by girl stuff," he said in disgust. He picked up one of the brightly-hued cushions that she'd piled in an untidy heap on his sofa a short while earlier – his nice, sleek, masculine, black leather sofa. "What are these?" he demanded.

"Throw pillows," she explained with practised patience. "I had them going spare so…"

"They're brand new," Danny broke in, turning the pillow over and showing her the price-tag still attached.

Uh-oh – busted! Swiftly changing tactic, she curled her arms around his waist and looked up at him with wide, guileless eyes. "I just thought the place could use a little extra colour," she said, her voice ripe with sugary sweetness. "You want me to feel at home, don't you?"

She leaned forward and pressed her mouth against his Adam's apple, her left hand sliding brazenly into the back pocket of his jeans to playfully squeeze his butt. "I'll make it worth your while," she promised in sultry tones as her warm lips teased the sensitive skin of his throat.

"Oh yeah?" he murmured, threading his fingers through her hair and tilting back her head so that he could look down into her face. "How you gonna do that?"

She smiled up at him, her brown eyes twinkling. "Use your imagination."

"That would be my over-active imagination, right?" he enquired with a grin.

She rose up on her tip-toes so that her mouth was level with his. "Oh, I'm counting on it," she murmured before their lips met in a slow, sensual kiss.

When they didn't look like they were going to break it off anytime soon, Flack loudly cleared his throat to attract their attention. "Erm, excuse me, third person in the room here," he reminded them.

Danny drew back from his girlfriend with some reluctance. The sudden moment of blind panic he'd experienced a few minutes before had vanished almost as quickly as it had appeared. "Please tell me that's all of it," he said to Lindsay, gesturing around the room at the scattered boxes and other paraphernalia. "I can't believe someone so small can have so many possessions."

"It's not _that_ much," she protested, looking around at the fairly modest array of luggage and pack-boxes. "You should see the size of Stella's closet. She had to move some of her clothes into storage to make way for mine when I moved into her spare room."

Lindsay had enjoyed the last five months or so of being roomies with her older colleague. It was initially only meant as a temporary measure while she found herself an apartment, but the arrangement had worked out so well that she'd stayed a lot longer than anticipated.

"No sense tying yourself into a lease unless you have to," Stella had told her with a shrug. "I'm guessing you'll be moving in with Danny soon enough anyway."

"That's a little premature, Stella," Lindsay had chided, not wanting to tempt fate so soon after her and Danny's recent reconciliation.

Stella had been proved correct in the end however. Over an intimate dinner about a week or so ago, Danny had asked her to move in with him and she hadn't hesitated in saying yes to his nervously-put suggestion.

"There's just one more box, I think," she said now, prompting Flack to let out a plaintive moan. "Don't worry, I'll get it," she said, heading for the door. "And then, when I get back, we can get started on the unpacking!" she finished brightly.

"Your woman's got one hell of a cruel streak, Messer," Don complained once he was certain she was out of ear-shot. "_And _she's a certifiable slave-driver. Mac and Stella had the right idea backing out of moving duty at the last minute. Wish I'd thought of it."

Danny laughed and then shook his head, his system still reeling from the reality of the commitment he was about to embark upon. "Jeez Flack, _look_ at this place. Remind me why I thought this was a good idea again, will you?"

Rising to his feet, Don crossed the room and lowered his aching body onto the sofa. "Sex whenever you want it?" he suggested blandly.

Danny cocked his head to one side. "Well, there is that, I suppose," he concurred with a grin.

Flack shook his head. "I don't know what you're complaining about, buddy," he said. "There are more important things to worry about here."

"Like what?"

"Like the fact that I'm going to have to find myself a new wing-man for a start. There aren't too many suitable candidates around, let me tell you."

Danny laughed. "What the hell you talking about, Flack?"

"You." He paused for a moment, his expression suddenly serious. "You're gonna marry her, Messer."

It was on the tip of Danny's tongue to deny it, but then his mind flashed back to events of a couple of days ago. He, Lindsay, Mac and Hawkes had been processing a crime scene – one of the worst kinds – a young mother and her four-year-old son shot dead by the woman's estranged and violent ex.

It was the epitome of injustice as far as Danny was concerned. The poor woman had found the courage to escape her abusive marriage, had even started to build a new life for herself and her family, but then had been cut down before she could really make a go of it. Danny couldn't understand how anyone could do something like that to someone they professed to love, and yet he saw it happen all too often.

While Mac and Hawkes were busy with the primary crime scene in the apartment's small living area, he and Lindsay had been hard at work processing the secondary one in the bedroom. They were working quietly and efficiently, both of them determined to claim some belated justice for their brave Vic. It was Lindsay who'd heard it first.

"Danny," she'd said sharply. "Stop!"

He'd halted what he was doing and looked over at her. "What?"

She'd held up her hand for quiet. "Listen."

For a few seconds, all he could hear was the rumble of traffic from the street outside, and then there it was – a soft, snuffling cry. His first thought was that it was a trapped animal, but then the cry had sounded again, louder this time and most definitely human.

Lindsay had made it to the closet doors just ahead of him. Right at the back, hidden behind a mound of clothing was a Moses' basket and inside was a baby that couldn't have been more than a couple of months old. Child Welfare had taken their time in arriving and the baby – a little girl as it turned out - was wet, hungry and fussy. Lindsay had taken charge with astonishing calm however. Finding diapers, wipes and formula in quick succession, she'd tended to the crying child with seemingly effortless skill and tenderness.

Danny had stood at the kitchen door and watched as she lifted the freshly diapered baby over her shoulder and rubbed her tiny back, cooing to her in soft, soothing tones while she swayed from side-to-side in the ancient rhythm of motherhood. He couldn't describe in words the feelings that had run through him in that moment, but it was almost like looking through a window into his future.

Flack was right; he was going to marry her. Maybe not right here, right now, but when they were ready, he'd be reaching out with both hands towards the image that would be etched in his heart and mind forever. The powerful image of woman and child. His woman and someone else's child at the moment, but, in time, his woman and _his_ child; his wife and their baby. Strangely, it was a picture that no longer scared him, instead he found himself eagerly looking forward to the day when it finally became a reality.

The last six months had been a voyage of discovery for them. They'd experienced their ups and their downs, but had somehow managed to come out of the other end of it stronger than ever. The first three months after Lindsay's return from Miami had been the toughest. While they were both thrilled about being back together again, they'd had to negotiate their way through several road-bumps along the way.

In the beginning, Danny had tried way too hard to be the perfect boyfriend. He was so conscious of not treating their relationship in the same casual manner as he had done before, that their time together had become extremely regimented as a result. Gone were the days of simply hanging out drinking beer and playing pool, or catching a spur-of-the-moment movie after work. Pre-arranged dinner dates were now the norm, and there'd even been a couple of trips to the theatre. While Danny had still enjoyed the time he shared with her, he'd missed the spontaneity that they used to have, and had ended up feeling vaguely dissatisfied with their relationship as a consequence.

Lindsay had eventually solved his dilemma for him with an impromptu visit late one night. She'd been working the late shift and had shown up, unannounced, on his doorstep about an hour before midnight. Claiming a stressful case and a difficult day, she'd beseeched him to help her relax and unwind and he'd taken up the challenge without a pause for thought.

He couldn't say where they'd gone that night, it didn't really matter. Their time had mainly been spent re-discovering why his birth place was so often termed 'the city that never sleeps.' They'd wandered the streets and aimlessly ridden the subway, then enjoyed a burger at an all-night diner before taking a long stroll through Central Park. When the breaking dawn had announced the start of the new day, they'd sat cuddled together under the shade of a tree and watched the sun rise over New York's famous skyline.

"This is nice," Lindsay had remarked casually, nestling her head against his shoulder as they absorbed the peaceful calm of that quiet first light.

He'd turned and pressed a kiss into her hair. "Yeah," he'd agreed.

"We should do stuff like this more often," she'd suggested, her voice drowsy with fatigue.

And just like that their relationship had turned a corner for the better. A week and a half went by before Danny realised the true extent of his girlfriend's deviousness. In light of new developments and the need for a fresh eye on things, Mac had asked him to re-examine some of the evidence that she'd been working on that day. It had taken him only ten minutes to reach the conclusion that her professions of an emotionally taxing case were considerably embellished. No wonder the manipulative minx hadn't wanted to talk to him about it!

"I was wondering when you'd finally figure it out," Lindsay said when he confronted her with his discovery later that same day. "That was seriously slow on the uptake, Messer. I think I'm kind of disappointed."

She threw him a sunny smile to let him know she was only teasing. "I just wanted to remind you that our relationship is as much about friendship as it is about romance," she explained, her tone serious now. "It's what makes you so special to me, Danny. You rock my world; remind me every day why God made me a woman. But, if I've had a rough day, I want to know that I've got my best friend around to make me feel better too. Romance doesn't always cut it on days like that. A good friend though?" She smiled affectionately at him. "Never fails in my experience."

"I guess I was trying too hard," he admitted, cupping the side of her face in his hand and lightly brushing his thumb over her cheekbone. "I just wanted everything to be perfect."

"I know you did," Lindsay replied, pressing a soft kiss to the centre of his palm. "But that's kind of unrealistic, don't you think? I don't need hearts and flowers all the time, Danny, I never did. I want someone who is going to be my partner in every possible way, someone who'll stand beside me through the good times _and_ the bad."

He nodded. "I think I can handle that."

She smiled. "I never doubted you could for a second."

"So," he said, edging a little closer to her on the couch. "I remind you every day why God made you a woman, do I?"

"Don't get too big for your boots," she told him as he pressed her back against the cushions, "It doesn't take all that much."

He laughed as he settled his weight over her. "I love you, Montana."

"I know," she whispered as her lips found his. "I love you too."

Overall, probably the biggest obstacle they'd faced was Lindsay's lingering doubts about the strength of his commitment to her however. While she didn't go as far as interrogating him about his whereabouts when he wasn't with her, she did expect to be kept informed about where he'd been if it wasn't work-related. He'd put up with it because he knew that it was a situation he'd brought upon himself, but it worried him nonetheless. If she couldn't trust him, where did that leave them?

Gradually though, as she'd grown more secure in their renewed relationship, Lindsay had slowly begun to loosen up and no longer needed a play-by-play of the time he'd spent apart from her before she could relax enough to enjoy his company. The last two months had shown the most significant improvement in that respect, and it was partly that that had finally made up his mind about asking her to move in with him. Before then, he'd been holding back because he hadn't been certain that it was a step that they should be taking when they still had lingering trust issues to resolve.

He should have realised Maya was a factor but he hadn't – not until recently anyway. True to what she'd told him when they'd first decided to get back together, Lindsay had tolerated the continued presence of his ex in his life, but she'd obviously found it a lot more difficult to handle than she'd let on. It wasn't as if he spent a huge amount of time in Maya's company, but they did still have some mutual friends in common. Plus, her neighbour had continued to make a nuisance of himself, despite a visit from an officer from the nearby precinct. A restraining order and some thinly veiled threats from himself and Flack had eventually resolved things, but Maya had remained distinctly jumpy about the whole situation and he'd felt obliged to check in on her every once in a while because of that.

A month ago, Maya had left New York to relocate back to her home state of Iowa, however. An offer of a teaching position had come up, and, although it was a little ahead of her anticipated schedule, it had been too good of an opportunity for her to pass up. The difference in Lindsay after his ex-girlfriend's departure had been starkly apparent. Her whole demeanour had changed almost overnight. She'd seemed so much happier in herself and her confidence levels improved ten-fold.

"You said you were okay with it," he'd accused when he'd found the nerve to bring the somewhat taboo subject up with her.

Lindsay sighed. "I _was_ okay with it," she said defensively.

"Lindsay…"

"Look, I needed to prove to myself that I could handle it, okay?" she interrupted. "It's been hard sometimes, I won't deny that, but my trust in you has grown a lot stronger because of it. Yes, I've needed some reassurance along the way, but it's not like I've let it overwhelm me. I can handle other women flirting with you because I know that it's me that you're coming home to at night. With Maya, it was a little different – because you had a previous connection with her, because she mattered to you, she was more of a threat and that was harder for me to deal with."

"You should have said something."

"And you would have severed all contact with her, I know," Lindsay rejoined. "But what would that have achieved, Danny? We'd have just been avoiding the problem in the end."

"So what? It was test? Is that it?"

"In a way," Lindsay said, "A test of myself more than you though. I haven't once seriously doubted your fidelity since we got back together, but I can't just pretend the past didn't happen either. It has made me question you sometimes even when I knew those feelings weren't entirely rational. Now that Maya's no longer living across the street, it's gotten easier." She shrugged in a self-deprecating manner. "I guess that's more obvious than I realised, huh?"

Danny sighed. "Lindsay, I love you and I understand where you're coming from, but there was no need for you to put yourself through that. I always knew I had to earn back your trust. I'm not stupid enough to believe the problem was just going to go away simply because I said I was sorry. It was down to me to prove that you could trust me again, not the other way round."

"This achieved the same result," Lindsay returned. "And, despite appearances, it _was_ the best way to handle it. You've had some level of temptation on your doorstep for months now. Maybe you don't view it as that, but, to me, that's the way it was. It wasn't easy knowing it, but I coped with it a whole lot better than I thought I would. And you've proved your commitment to me at the same time too. If all you'd done was break off contact with her, it wouldn't have had the same effect, believe me."

Danny was silent for a moment, suddenly realising what she was trying to say. The circumstances weren't exactly the same but they were similar enough to bear comparison. Rikki Sandoval had lived down the hall, Maya across the street. Rikki had needed his support over the death of her son, Maya because of her troubles with over-solicitous neighbour. Three and a half years ago, he'd allowed his guilt over Ruben to come between him and the most important person in his life. Maya, in contrast, had always been of a secondary concern to him. This time around, Lindsay had come first and foremost without compunction. Despite what she said, it had been a test and he had passed with flying colours without ever being aware of it.

He sighed. "I still wished you'd talked to me, Linds."

"I know and I will from now on, I promise, but I needed to do this for myself, Danny. Please understand that."

"But you've been unhappy..."

Lindsay shook her head in denial. "No, no, I haven't. I've had to fight some unwarranted suspicions every once in a while, but I was never unhappy. I _am_ relieved that she's not part of your life anymore, but I don't regret that she was. It's a valuable lesson learnt for both of us, I think. Plus, it's re-cemented my faith in you and that can only be a good thing."

"Okay, all right, Just talk to me next time though, will you?"

"What next time?" Lindsay enquired, her eyebrows lifting. "There isn't going to be a next time, you hear me? It's just you and me from now on, baby, so you better get used to it."

Danny laughed. "I didn't mean it like that. And I'm trying to be serious here."

"I know, I'm sorry. It's good that we talked about this, honestly. But we're doing okay, you know? We're working at it and I think we're mostly back on an even keel now."

Danny couldn't disagree with her on that. Maybe they still had a few kinks to work out, but they were finally ready to move onto the next chapter in their lives. Moving in with a woman was a first for him actually; he'd always jealously guarded his personal space before. The fact that he was - for the most part - looking forward to it was telling in itself.

"Hello? Earth to Messer."

He blinked when Flack waved a hand in front of his face. "W-what?"

"Took a little side-trip into marital bliss there, huh?"

More like the stepping-stones towards it, but he wasn't about to admit that. "Stop goofing off, Flack, and help me move some of this stuff into the bedroom."

"Which ones?"

"The boxes labelled 'Bedroom' might be a start."

"Seriously? They're all labelled?" Flack let out a delighted guffaw. "Oh my, are you going to be under the thumb or what?"

Danny ignored that and picked up the nearest box. Don has been ribbing him along the same lines for almost a week now, but he knew it was only his friend's way of showing he was happy for the two of them. If he'd not been making the most of this golden opportunity to poke fun at him, Danny would have been a lot more worried.

When Lindsay returned with the final pack-box a few minutes later, she was not alone. The re-enforcements had finally arrived.

"Please tell me that's pizza I smell," Flack said, rushing forward with an eager look on his face. He took the top box off the stack that Hawkes held balanced in his outstretched hands and lifted the lid to inhale the rich, spicy scent. "Mmm pepperoni too," he said. "You're my best friend forever, Hawkes."

"Where should I put these?" Mac said, holding up the stack of paper napkins and two bottles of soda.

"In the kitchen," Lindsay said. "I'll get the plates."

"Plates?" Flack said around a mouthful of pizza. "We can just eat from the box, can't we?"

Lindsay exchanged a look with Stella, who carried a third bottle of soda and what looked and smelled like a bag of freshly-baked cookies in her hands. "Men!" the older woman observed acerbically.

"You get any of that on my nice, clean floor, Flack, and you'll be cleaning it up yourself," Lindsay warned as she went through into the kitchen with Mac, Stella and Hawkes close on her heels.

"Plates! She'll be having us use knives and forks next. I swear, Danno, it's gonna be like living with your mother all over again."

Danny just smiled, knowing that compared to a lot of women, Lindsay was remarkably easy-going. He was considerably more domesticated than his friend anyway, thanks to his mother's strict house-rules. If he had to use plates to eat pizza from now on then so be it. The benefits far outweighed the disadvantages as far as he could tell.

Plus, it was nice to see her making herself at home, retrieving crockery and glasses from the cupboards and ice from the freezer for their guests. They'd debated about looking for an apartment of their own, but his place was conveniently located, big enough for two and had the advantage of being rent-controlled as well.

Despite his protestations to the contrary, he was rather enamoured of the little feminine touches that were gradually transforming his apartment into their home. Small items had kept appearing over the past week – two new sets of thick, fluffy towels in the bathroom for instance, a multi-coloured glass bowl filled with sweet-smelling potpourri on the low coffee table in the lounge, a couple of scented candles on the dresser in the bedroom, plus the smuggled-in cushions from today of course. She'd also dragged him out to purchase new bed-linen, and had convincingly persuaded him that a painting on the bare wall near the door in the main living area was an absolute must. They were going shopping for one on their next day off apparently.

In spite of all the changes being introduced, there had been no mention of the removal of any of his own belongings as per Flack's doom-laden predictions, however. His pool table wasn't going anywhere, his lucky bat and mitt from his minor league playing-days still held pride of place in the glass case on one wall, and his eclectic collection of books, CDs and DVDs had been left fully intact. Lindsay and her belongings had simply slotted themselves seamlessly into his life and home rather than completely taking over it. Two were effectively becoming a homogenised one and he couldn't have been happier at the prospect.

In fact, it was this homogeny that was the main theme of his personal house-warming gift to her. Standing in his bedroom the day after she'd agreed to move in with him, he'd been struck by a sudden inspiration. He had scoured the internet for what he wanted and it had been delivered late yesterday afternoon much to his relief. He'd been getting a little worried that it wouldn't arrive on time. He'd nervously opened the package and then quickly relaxed the instant he'd viewed its contents. It was perfect; exactly what he'd been looking for. He'd been slightly concerned that the reality wouldn't match up to the potential he'd seen on the computer screen, but he needn't have worried. It was everything he'd hoped for and more. Right now, it was stashed at the back of his closet, ready and waiting to hand over when they regained their privacy later on that day.

"Danny?"

"Mmm?" He blinked a couple of times and then smiled down at Lindsay as he took the plate she was offering him. "Thanks."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, just thinking."

"About what?"

He leaned in close to her ear. "Later," was his simple, yet significant response.

Lindsay felt a warm flush wash through her from the top of her head to the tip of her toes. Picking up the slice of pizza on his plate, she fed it to him with a firm hand. "Eat," she commanded. "Think later."

He chuckled knowingly and she turned away, lest his unsettling effect on her senses became too obvious to those around them. This was a pretty momentous step for them. Over the past six months, she'd been scared to hope that this day would eventually arrive. She was nervous about the adjustments they would each have to make, but she knew it was the right choice for them. They'd worked hard to iron out their issues and had now reached a point where she was confident in their ability to sustain their relationship for the long term.

Some four and a half years ago, she'd fallen hopelessly in love with her best friend and it had been a lesson in both happiness and heartache for her. They'd come a long way since then and sometimes she was genuinely amazed that they'd made it this far. They'd had so much stacked against them at times, but love had won out in the end. Neither of them had been able to let go, despite the time they'd spent apart, and now, here they were, ready and willing to move things onto the next level. After that, well, who knew? But she was no longer concerned about it. What will be would be, and she would follow wherever fate chose to lead them from now on.

Much later that night, she relaxed back against the pillows of their bed, her breathing uneven and choppy and her body zinging with the aftermath of pleasure. "Oh my!" she said with a shaky giggle. "I thought moving in together was supposed to kill the passion."

Danny laughed as he lounged on his front beside her. "No, that's getting married," he quipped.

"Oh well, remind me never to agree to marry you then," she returned with a smile.

It wasn't awkward that was the thing. The word 'marriage' didn't hang like an invisible barrier between them; it was an accepted part of where they were going. They could talk about it in abstract terms, make jokes about it like this, and it didn't strike fear into either of their hearts when they did so. They knew they weren't quite there yet, but they were on their way and that was all that mattered.

"I've got something for you," Danny announced, rolling away from her.

"I think you already gave it to me, babe," she replied with a naughty twinkle in her eyes, "Twice as I recall."

"Not that!" he said with a laugh, and then reached into the closet and pulled out a brightly-wrapped square package. "This."

Lindsay sat up, tucking the sheet around her. "What is it?"

"A house-warming present."

"Danny…" She felt her heart skip a beat. "You didn't have to do that."

"I know, I wanted to," he said as he rejoined her in bed and handed over the present. "I had this idea and… well, why don't you open it?"

Her heart in her throat, Lindsay tore away the wrapping and the bubble-wrap underneath. "Oh!" she said, her eyes filling with tears as she withdrew the framed photograph. "Oh, it's beautiful."

It was a professionally done landscape of the mountains of her home state, the artist's eye a virtual mirror of her own memory.

"Accordingly to the photographer's website, it's somewhere not far from your parent's property," Danny said, resting his chin on her shoulder.

She nodded, her emotions raw. "Yes, yes, I know where it is. I used to…" She broke off to swallow the lump in her throat. "It's a special place."

She turned her head and pressed a heartfelt kiss to his lips and then glanced up at the wall above the bed. "It matches," she said.

He nodded, looking up at the framed photograph hanging there – a similarly nostalgic study taken in Central Park with the city's skyscrapers providing a unique, silvery back-drop to the warmer hues of nature beneath. "That was the general idea."

"So where are we going to put it?" she asked.

"Up there," Danny said. "There's enough room. It's _our_ bedroom now not mine. This photo was meant to reflect that."

Lindsay smiled, the tears glistening on her cheeks in the golden lamplight. "I never knew you had such a romantic soul," she teased. "You're ruining your play-boy reputation, you know."

"I think that got shot to pieces a long time ago," he told her wryly.

Lindsay laughed. "I love you."

"Oh yeah?" he said, deliberately dragging the sheet away from her body and pushing her back against the pillows. "Prove it."

Never one to pass up a challenge, she took him at his word and proved it beyond a shadow of a doubt.

The very next morning, Lindsay directed proceedings while Danny fixed the two pictures side by side on the wall. When he was done, he hopped down from the bed and came towards her.

"Looks pretty good, huh?" he said as he wrapped his arms around her from behind and rested his chin on her shoulder.

Laying her hands over his, Lindsay leant back into his embrace. Contemplating the two uniquely different and yet strangely harmonious photographs in front of her, she knew that, at long last, she'd finally found home.

"Yeah," she agreed softly, "Like two halves of the same whole."

"Just the right combination," Danny murmured, his lips nuzzling intimately at her temple. "Like us."

"Like us," she concurred and then lifted her face to accept his offered kiss…

**THE END.**

_**A/N2:**_ _Well, that's it. Hope you enjoyed it. _

_If you liked this story, watch out for my new one 'Hold Me Now' coming very soon. D/L of course, and slightly more angst-y than this one. I'm not one for writing multi-chapter stories where everyone is shiny and happy all the time though. I tend to leave that for my one-shots. There's got to be some obstacles to overcome because the drama is usually in the way around them. _

_Okay, I'm signing off for now, but I hope to see you all again very soon._

_CharmedBec x_


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